dear_mun | Canon points are not kind.

Ah Vanyel. They are often cruel.

I will not remember you and you will not remember me.

No. We will have to start again from the beginning, hm? At the least, I am not so sad there, as I was before.

I will not be...sad. [Lost is a better word.] I might think I am a ghost.

You have rejoined your family?

Yes... and no. I am older, there. I have... had a little time to become accustomed to my losses. [ roughly six thousand years worth ] I do have some family there, if not... the ones I miss the most. But it is enough.

[ He reaches across to tug fondly on a strand of white hair ]

A ghost? One of the houseless? Ah Vanyel. I wish you had a better end - you deserve more than that.

How much time has passed for you to change so? [The immortality of the Elves will forever amaze him. He likes to imagine their lives and the years they spend learning and growing.] The others may come.

[He frowns faintly and shakes his head.]

I am a guardian. The task set to me is one only I can do. Valdemar's borders must be protected. The Forest of Sorrows is mine to defend.

[ A wry quick of his lips ] Two whole Ages of the world. Roughly... six thousand four hundred years, give or take. They may... but I do not hold much hope. I have the mm, memes to see them again. And Caranthir is here with me. It is enough.

[ A little more pointed tug ]

That may be so, but you deserve to be happy too, Vanyel.

[He can't even fathom that much time, but something tells him that he will come to know what it feels like to watch time progress without him.]

What is Caranthir like? Does he give you good company? [There is no move to stop the tug and, in fact, his eyes shine with hope.] Stefen will join me after his task is done. Yfandes has found me too. She laid down her life at my side.

Good! It is not ideal, but I am glad that you will be alone.

Caranthir? Ah... he is a bit of a grump, Moryo is. I believe the word used nowadys is ... 'tsundere'? He loves a lot, but he has a temper, and dislikes showi

I can answer for myself! Be grateful you do not have to share space with my brother and his moping. He is too delicate for this sort of life.

They are all I need to feel content. [The rest comes from watching their hard work not go to waste.

He blinks at the sudden interruption and smiles slowly.] Your brother has a kind heart that has likely served you well in the past...

Or am I mistaken?

My brother is a soft-hearted fool who falls for everyone with a sob story. [ GLARING ] Make sure you do not hurt him. [ Or he will end you. Huff. ]

CARANTHIR! [ Shove ]

Do not mind him. He just... worries.

[Something about Vanyel's posture changes. He seems to be curling in on himself, though his eyes remain fixed on Caranthir's face.]

I have no intention of hurting him. [Only those who take up arms or use magic against him deserve what they get.] I am one who protects and defends; not one who uses dark magic.

Ignore him. [ Maglor sighs and drags a hand down his face as Caranthir huffs and ignores them all ]

And this is why only Maedhros and I remained in close friendship with our cousins. [ He grumbles ] Do not take it personally, Vanyel. He is... protective. And has no tact! [ Directed at Caranthir who continues ignoring them ]

I know you would not. Caranthir simply assumes the worst of everyone.

No... [The word is soft, nearly inaudible. He clears his throat and speaks louder:] He can sense that I would be a danger if I wished to be. I would be equally protective of my brother.

[They may not be at all alike - much like Maglor and Caranthir in fact - there is still love there.]

He often surprises me with his insight. I believe you... [This is directed at Caranthir.]...possess the same intuition. But I would sooner harm the one who caused your brother pain than your brother himself.

[ Caranthir glares at Vanyel and tosses his head with a huff, punching Maglor in the shoulder and leaving ]

Ow! [ Maglor protests after him and is rewarded with a flippant wave ]

At least he outgrew biting. [ siiiiiiiiigh ]

We all might be dangerous in our own ways, in any case. But you seem to have appeased him for now.

[An empathetic wince follows that punch and he reaches out to give Maglor some healing.]

A painful experience either way. He is...spirited. [Another word for "head-strong".] I meant what I said. I have met my foil and he perished with me.

It's alright Vanyel. Only bruises. I've had worst in sparring matches. [ Maglor smiles fondly and waves off the offer ]

He is the one of my brothers with the worst temper. [ Maglor shrugs wryly ] Always taken with black moods and storm clouds. But he cares very deeply.

Oh Vanyel. [ A soft sigh ] Ai! At least you know your sacrifice not in vain.

Were your sparring matches with him? [Does Caranthir hold back? Is his family safe from that temper?]

Neither the youngest or the oldest, I take it? [Middle children seem to have the desire to prove themselves.] I've seen the evidence for that myself!

[He smiles despite the dark mood of the conversation.]

I knew what would become of me. I chose it anyway.

We all trained together. Caranthir is a fearsome foe in battle, but I would rather face him in the ring than Celegorm. And he is, yes. Fourth of seven, the loner of us.

[ A sigh ] I wish you had not needed to.

What edge does Celegorm have that Caranthir lacks? [Ah. Four of seven. Goodness, Vanyel understands why he is on edge.]

It saved Valdemar and all of the Heralds she has trained and yet to train. I consider it worthwhile.

Celegorm... is unpredictable. A very storm, my wild younger brother. He is not a berserker true - I have been told that title goes to me - but he fights like a wild beast, my brilliant golden brother. Caranthir, for all his rage, is calculated in battle. Not so much so as Curufin, who is almost clinical, but he can be predicted, and he can be met. But Celegorm... Celegorm is a wildfire. Only Maedhros ever beat him consistently, although I was coming close, by the end.

[ Another fond tug ]

If you considered it so, then I can say nothing against it.

The times I sparred with my brother or the Arms-Master never ended well. I ended up beaten and bruised and thinking they hated me. [Now he can laugh about the misconception.] I was far too trapped in my own head and unwilling to cross the distance that separated me from everyone else. I hope you don't have the same problem with your brothers, though it sounds like you are very close.

[He closes one pale eye, making a comical expression.]

You won't hurt my feelings if you call me a fool.

We were all very close, once. [ Maglor nods wistfully ]

The seven sons of Feanor...we rode and hunted and played together and tested each other and it was good. Our fights were fearsome and terrible but right until the end I never doubted that we were brothers, and stand or fall, it would be together.

[ he blinks and chuckles at the face Vanyel is making ]

Is he a fool who dies for love? Whether love of country or of kin, I think that not terribly foolish at all.

That must have been nice. [Family will always be a strange entity for him. He cares about them and will ride day and night to their aid, but the journey from anxiety and discomfort to somehow rising above it all and learning to accept (and forgive) wasn't easy.]

Sparring would be a good way to settle differences - as long as one opponent did not overwhelm the other unfairly.

[So much for his Herald pride.]

I love my kingdom, its rulers and those who fight to protect it. I have lost many dear friends to Master Dark and his minions. It was a pleasure to kill him.

Edited 2015-03-19 09:26 (UTC)

It was, but I wonder sometimes, if we had not been tied so tightly, if Father's Oath may have played out differently in the end.

[ a wry smile ] We used it that way sometimes, yes. But we were fairly evenly matched, my brothers and I. As a unit we were nigh unstoppable - but remove one and the unit falls apart.

I am sorry you had to learn what it is to hate Vanyel.

You would have been close in your youth and then...separated naturally over time. Some of you would have fallen in love, had children or discovered life-long passions in various crafts. There would have been love and understanding between you - enough so you rode to the aid of each other in times of need.

[He blinks slowly.] I understand that bond.

[Turning away, his brow furrows.] On this, I cannot be repentant.

Oh, we were well into our adulthood by the time of the Oath. I was married, by then, as was Curufin. Of all of us, only the Ambarussa could have been said to be young still, and they were already over their majority by then as well. But... we were always close. And I suspect now that in part that was also our downfall.

[ He steps closer and winds a finger in snow white hair and tugs fondly ]

I do not judge or scold, Vanyel. How can I, who has done so much worse. I only grieve that you had to learn it at all.

...married? [There is a mixture of unexpected pleasure and pain at the revelation. He captures Maglor's hand and squeezes.] What became of them?

[Shaking his head, he continues, baritone voice a notch lower than usual:] You cannot blame yourself for forging a strong bond. If you must blame anything, blame your passion and lack of forethought.

Emotions are dangerous if they are left to roam free.

[His cheeks color and he smiles.] I fear Heralds are doomed to learn it one way or another.

...Yes. [ Maglor's eyes dim, sorrow like a great wave. ]

My Fal was beautiful and strong willed and she would not leave me. Not for anything. And for that she paid with her life. In Alqualonde, the Teleri refused us the use of their ships...we quarreled, emotions ran high and... we attacked them. Her brother... her brother was the first one I killed. I still... do not clearly remember that night. Only blood and screams and fear and tears. I woke... from whatever fever stole my reason... to see her eyes clouding over, my blade in her breast, and felt the bond between us break as she died.

[His Gift of Empathy is not always a pleasant thing. Maglor's pain causes him to wince and curl in on himself - his pupils retracting as if he has been struck. The guilt that is intertwined with the agony feels familiar. It's the same guilt he felt when Tylendel flung himself off of the tower.

He shudders and roughly pulls himself together. He is a Healer - not a victim. Gently, he cups Maglor's face between his hands and focuses his energy there. The Focus stone around his neck glows and it warms too. It is a gift from the one he lost that night. He returned to him.

Perhaps Fal wound find her peace, her forgiveness and return, in some way, to Maglor too. Tears shimmer in his eyes and he speaks slowly:]

You do not revel in what has been done; you have faced it and all the consequences it entails. What was the source of the fever that overwhelmed you that night? Anger surely could not have been the only cause.

The Oath... [ Maglor's eyes slide shut to spare Vanyel the memory, but he might glimpse it anyway, the fever bright madness in Feanor's eyes and the shackle on Maglor's soul ]

I ... do not lie, when I say that they tell me the true berserker of the brothers is me. I do not... when the Music takes me, when the song of battle is in my blood, I find it hard to tell friend from foe, and I... lose myself. Nyel... Maedhros was the only one who could talk me down from there. Alqualonde.... was the first time that we understood what it would cost me to fight.

The Oath you took was as binding as a magic spell, was it not? [He feels cold over thinking this presence - this warm, welcoming presence - could kill without a single thought. But he has done the same thing, hasn't he? He certainly went berserk on those bandits...as well as the Healer and child.]

Did you consider searching for a method to undo it? To free yourself from it?

Something like that. [ Maglor nods ]

No. Well, we fought it, when we could. Tried to deny it. But by the highest authority we swore and likely only He could release us. To foreswear it...would have cursed us just as surely as to keep it, and so we were trapped. Better to keep what little honor we had left, and seek to keep our word.

He...? Who do you mean? [Some sort of deity? Or was Maglor referring to his father? Vanyel drops his hands to the Elf's shoulders, frowning.] I have not encountered such a powerful Oath before, forgive me for all of my inquiries.

By Eru Allfather we swore, He who stands alone, who was and is before all, the Singer at the Dawn of Time. And only by Him can our oath be revoked.

[ He smiles a little sadly and shakes his head ] No, Vanyel, it is alright. Ask, whatever you wish.

I have never put much stock in deities. There is a goddess some turn to in my world, but she changes depending on who looks upon her. [And he has never felt worthy to call on her.] Is there no kindness - no forgiveness - in this Eru Allfather?

It is rather hard not to, when the Valar, the Powers of the World, his first thought, are your teachers and friends. [ Maglor says wryly and he shrugs eyes clouding and he shivers ]

I... I do not know. When... in places such as these, He told me He forgave me. But I ... I do not know. Lord Osse says the same. But... then it means that the only one who holds the Oath... is me? Or... worse, the Dark.

I suppose I should feel the same about the Companions since they are sent from the Havens to aid us. [Yet somehow Yfandes always seemed...human. His mother, his sister... One who would not leave even when faced with death.

He crosses his arms over his chest, peering up at the skies.] You will drive yourself mad with thoughts like that. Time has no meaning here and even if he does forgive you...

Will that lessen your guilt?

I... [ Softly ] The only place I have know peace has been with Him or with Lord Osse. And it takes Lord Osse... years, often. But the guilt... I suppose that never really goes.

I would locate them for that reason alone. [Unworthy or not, he likes the idea of Maglor being at peace.] Where shall I look?

{That last part is said lightly and with a small smile.]

[ A wry smile ] Lord Osse is the Lord of the Storms and Coasts, and that is where you may find him, if he deigns to come! But they say that his lord, the Vala Ulmo, hears all that is spoken near water, and so might be persuaded to bear a message.

As for Eru... as those from a different canon would say, 'He is not a tame lion' - He will come as He wills and go the same, and may not be bidden. He dwells in the Timeless Halls outside of the walls of the world and walks apart. But he has a scribe that you might convince to beg audience from, if you wished.

It seems I have a great task before me. I have not seen a storm on the coast for some time. [If ever. Valdemar is far inland.] Would summoning a storm garner his attention? Lord Osse seems by far the easiest to contact, though time is on my side where Lord Eru is concerned.

I could wait for him. [He just prefers being active.]

Perhaps, and perhaps not. Lord Osse is capracious and whimsical - he will not be bidden. I still do not know why he is so fond of me. [ But Maglor's heart has always been drawn to the sea ]

You could. We could see who is about, I suppose.

Canon points are not kind.

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