dear_mun | Voice-testing, homeless, you know the drill...

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Voice-testing, homeless, you know the drill...

Look, uh... mundane? I don't know what you're worried about, you've got some experience at this thing.

[ . . . what ]

No, just... run with it for a second, will you? This roleplay you're doing - you're basically just pretending you're someone else, right? And your goal is to... what, compromise people with feelings, emotions, manipulate them like putty in your hand, right?

That's really not that different from what I do. What I did before. Though, to be fair, our kind of roleplaying was far more expansive... and involved... and meant to defraud people who deserve it, but that's beside the point...

[ . . . Nate, Nate. No, I do not want to be compared to you as a conman, okay? This is different. DIFFERENT. ]

My point is, you're worrying about this more than you should be. So just... relax, take a deep breath, straighten yourself out and let me talk. It's not that hard.

And if all else fails... we've got backup plans. Use them.

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Oh, I can't. I'm expecting.

[But he gets a polite smile of thanks for the offer anyway.]

Guess that's what I try to do. Even the score as much as I can, though I'm worried I'll be rendered totally ineffective here in a couple of months. I might just retire and take my pension.

Ah, of course. To your new child and to... hopefully many happy memories with them down the road.

[ There's another sad smile as he raises his glass before downing it in a few gulps. ]

I know how that feels... before I retired, I was involved in helping people suffering from problems caused by people like that. The rich and powerful who were out to screw the common people.

... of course, as someone taking up where the law left off, my methods for doing so weren't exactly on the up-and-up, but... I like to think we did some good in the world regardless.

I'm sure you did. My partner and I, we kind of keep score in our head. Make notes when we know we've done something good so we remind ourselves it's worth putting ourselves in the ine of fire every day.

[She smiled over at him, before extending her hand. He'll note the engagement ring.]

I'm Karen, anyway, it's nice to meet you.

Pleasure's all mine. Nate Ford.

[ Nate extends his hand to hers in a handshake - incidentally, he's also got a wedding band around his finger. ]

Yeah... can't begin recalling all of those whom we helped with our... "extra legal aid". It's hard being honest people in a dishonest world; my team and I made sure that it wasn't any harder for them than it had to be.

Nice to meet you, Nate.

[Karen shakes his hand with a small smile.]

Sounds like my kind of people. All I ever wanted to be was a cop, going back to the first grade. I think that's part of why I stay. I would literally have no idea what to do if I left.

Ah... life has a habit of throwing curveballs at me, apparently.

Was going to be a priest, but then that didn't work out. Became an insurance investigator, chased people around the world... then turned around and became a thief and criminal mastermind.

[ Nate shrugs. ]

Got out of the game because I knew my luck would eventually run out. Still, it's... been an interesting few years.

What do you do now?

[Karen's not judging. One of her CI's is a recovering meth addict and dealer, for crying out loud.]

I mean, as long as you're happy that's what matters, right?

Right now? Just kind of looking for a job. Probably going to go into a field where I can help kids.

[ Though the mun headcanons that he still gets dragged into cons and other shenanigans despite his best efforts to be retired. ]

Yeah... yeah. Honestly, I feel much happier than I've ever been, after everything that's happened.

That's the important part. I'm really happy about this baby, and my fiancee wants to get married before I'm due. He's accepted my son, and he's a great step-father, and I'm so lucky right now.

But at the same time I can't shake that feeling like I'm at the end of a chapter and it's closing whether I want it to or not, you know?

That's perfectly normal, I mean... you are going to be transitioning from being a cop to starting a family, right?

[ Nate pauses for a moment as he stares into his glass. ]

Everyone has those kinds of moments when you're standing at a crossroads like that. Me, by the time I retired I was reconciling three things at once - the man I was, the man who I became and the man that I wanted to be.

Chapters close all the time, but that doesn't mean that it's completely over. That's why it's called a chapter, because the next one's only beginning.

Yeah, I guess. I'm a homicide sergeant now, but everyone wants me to take a step back once our son is born. Which is understandable, but...

[She hates to admit this.]

After 20 years there's part of me that hates to just walk away from a career I've loved so much and put so much into.

Well... let me just say it straight. What do you want to do? I know you want to spend more time with your son - and that's understandable.

But if you still like the work, then... maybe you should go for that, too. Because honestly? You're the one who'll be standing by your decision, and not everyone else.

I'm of two minds about it. I'm going to be a mother of two and my kids need and deserve to have me around.

But I don't know how to do my job without going all the way. I'm not one of those cops who'd be happy sitting behind a desk or writing traffic tickets.

[She shrugs.]

I have time to figure it out. Seven more months until the baby comes and then maternity leave. My lieutenant's already informed me there's no negotiation on that part.

Well, as long as you have the time, then by all means. Either way, it's not an easy decision to make, so you'd better make good use of that time.

Seven months... they fly by faster than you'd realize.

I don't know. For a while it was like everything was in very slow motion when I was pregnant with Wes.

[She laughs, and shakes her head.]

Kids. Best thing you ever do.

. . . you can say that again.

[ He smiles wistfully again as his mind wanders... ]

Sometimes I wonder... what it'd be like if Sam had survived and recovered from his illness. How differently things could've gone.

I understand that. I ask myself that a lot about Chris.

[She nods a little. Thinking of all the things she knows she did wrong after her husband died.]

You keep telling yourself it's not your fault but it takes a long time to sink in.

And even after you're able to move on, the pain never really goes away.

[ Even now, Nate still keeps mementos of some of those things from Sam's childhood. The trumpet. The comic books they read so many times until the pages fell out. ]

It's just... sitting there, like a ticking time bomb, waiting for whatever new trauma comes along and tears the scab open. Tick... tock... tick... tock.

I know. I have a feeling when Jack and I get married there'll be some moment when I just end up in a corner crying.

[She shakes her head.]

Listen, if you ever need someone to talk to or anything. I'm around. If that ever helps.

... it's much appreciated.

[ Nate nods quietly, fishing into his pocket and then holding out a card to her. ]

Here. In case you wanted someone to talk to, should the occasion arise or anything.

Thanks.

[She takes it and tucks it into her pocket. She may just wind up calling him, one of these days. Trouble does seem to find her and she never seems to try to avoid it either.]

I think you'll be okay, Nate. This place isn't that bad, although people tend to come and go which is tough sometimes.

Eh... I'm not too worried about it. I'm a bit of a drifter myself, so I'm used to it.

[ Which is technically not wrong, considering how often he and his team went across the country - and even out of the country - to do their jobs... ]

But don't hesitate to say 'hi' if our paths cross again, Karen.

I will. My mun tries to keep me pretty active, so hopefully I'll be around. If only to have this baby.

You ever get out to LA, give me a call. We'll do dinner. I'll introduce you to my fiancee if he's around.

Oh, of course. Next time I'll make sure to bring Sophie with me, too...

She's one hell of a woman - in a good way, believe me - and I think you'd like her.

I look forward to it.

Though if we're discussing partners I should say that mine is crazy. Which is pleasantly ironic since he's a psychiatric doctor.

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