Canon is The Good Wife. Spoilers possible in comments.

[expartner]

Why does everyone around me have to be so strange? I hope you're not planning on playing me like I'm in the middle of some twisted legal soap opera with a...potential murderer and an aging homophobe.

I need a shower. And Harvey.

Comments

[kingofchina]

A potential murderer and an aging homophobe. That's strange?

[expartner]

And this was before he told my opponent how much he wanted to fuck me.

[kingofchina]

I can't say that sounds strange to me at all.

[expartner]

What, do 70-year-olds often tell your opponents things they want to do with you?

[kingofchina]

I meant the-...never mind.

I've had my share of indecent proposals.

[expartner]

Please don't tell me these are common.

[kingofchina]

You can't honestly tell me a man's never expressed his desire to fuck you before, Alicia.

[expartner]

Not one old enough to be my father, no.

[kingofchina]

Well, let me let you in on a little gendered secret: they probably have, you just didn't hear about it.

[expartner]

And I don't want to. God, I want a shower.

[kingofchina]

He didn't touch you, did he?

[expartner]

No, thank God. I made a point of keeping his hand off of me.

[kingofchina]

So what's the problem then?

[expartner]

That my campaign wants me to align myself with a chauvinistic, homophobic asshole just because he has money?

[kingofchina]

Welcome to politics.

Make sure he's less of a piece of shit than the next chauvinistic, homophobic asshole with money, and you'll come out fine.

[expartner]

What if there's only one asshole?

[kingofchina]

There's never only one asshole.

[expartner]

I'm really starting to hate this campaign.

[kingofchina]

Are you?

Or are you just saying that?

[expartner]

No. I really hate it.

[kingofchina]

That might be a problem. It doesn't get better, you know.

[expartner]

You mean once it's over?

[kingofchina]

Sure. If you get elected you'll have to get in bed with a lot of dirty old men. And dirty young men. And women. Metaphorically speaking.

And they'll ask you to do a lot worse than fuck them.

[expartner]

Aren't you just lovely tonight, Peter.

[kingofchina]

I'm lovely every night.

And I'm serious. What did you think it was going to be like?

[expartner]

Something with actual principles where I might be able to do something good.

[kingofchina]

Good's not always a choice.

[dontplaytheodds]

I'm here.

[expartner]

Thanks. I could really use to talk to you.

[dontplaytheodds]

Anytime you need me.

[expartner]

How do you do it, Harvey? Work with some of these people and not feel like you're selling your soul?

[dontplaytheodds]

It's not easy, and I probably have sold my soul without knowing it.

[expartner]

No you haven't. You're a good man. I just feel like such a...a whore.

[dontplaytheodds]

Please, you are no whore. And anyone who states differently gets punched in the mouth.

[expartner]

You weren't in the room with the 70-year-old talking about how he wants to fuck me.

[dontplaytheodds]

Someone is definitely getting punched in the mouth then.

[expartner]

He's not worth it. Also, he just gave my campaign a million dollars so I doubt Josh would let you.

[dontplaytheodds]

Like Josh could stop me.

Who the fuck is he to let shit like that happen and not say anything?

[expartner]

He didn't know about it. Actually, canonly I don't even know about it.

It was all said to my opponent when he went to meet with the same donor. He was so disgusted he left, if that gives you any indication of how bad it was.

[dontplaytheodds]

Don't let me find out about it.

[expartner]

That'd require me knowing about it to tell you.

Just what he said makes me feel so disgusting.

[dontplaytheodds]

Well you are not disgusting, and some perverted old fuck shouldn't make you feel that way.

[expartner]

I knew you'd make me feel better.