AUGH.

[extravagantbitch]

LISTEN.
DON'T FUCK THIS UP.
I KNOW. YOU ARE DISILLUSIONED.
I KNOW. THE WRITER HAS COMMITTED MANY AN ATROCITY.
HOWEVER.
IF YOU DESIST IN READING THE ADVENTURES. OF THE MANY ANNOYING BITCHMONKEYS.
OR THE FEW. AS MOST OF THEM ARE DEAD.
FORTUNATELY.
AS I WAS SAYING.
IF YOU DESIST. YOU WILL NOT BE ABLE TO READ.
THE NEXT PART.
OF HOMOSUCK.
YOU WILL SEE NONE OF MY ARTS.
YOU WILL NOT BE GRACED WITH MY PRESENCE. I WILL LEAVE YOUR LIFE.
AND YOU WILL CRY. MUCH LIKE HOW THE EGG BERT WILL CRY.
ONCE I HAVE.
*MY REVENGE*.

Comments

[inscrutableirony]

That would be a real tragedy.
Fuck the rest of the series, how can we live without homosuck?
I've gotta say that out of all the reprehensible shit you draw it has to be your greatest creation.

[extravagantbitch]

YES. YOU ARE CORRECT.
MY BRIEF FORAY INTO THE LAND OF YAOIS. WAS INDEED REPREHENSIBLE.
A MERE STEPPING STONE. TO GREATER ENDEAVORS.
SUCH AS THE RETURN OF HOMOSUCK. A RETURN TO MY TRUE 'ART STYLE'.
ANGLES. MANY OF THEM.

[inscrutableirony]

Yeah, I'm super excited about all the angles and shit.
But you realize you missed the most prime yaoi pairing ever, right?
How could you overlook me and Jake.
I thought we were bros, man.
I'm just saying that every now and then you need to do your bro a solid and entertain his repulsive sexual fantasies.
You let me down, dude.
You let me down.

[extravagantbitch]

WHAT.
YOU MEAN.
OH. I SEE.
SO.
YOU HAVE ENGAGED. IN *REAL LIFE YAOI*.
AND YOU WISH ME TO DRAW YOU. AND HIM.
TOGETHER.
IN HOMOEROTIC JAPANIME STYLES.
YOU PRESENT TO ME A DILEMMA.
AS WE ARE. "BROS".
AND I WAS ONCE. A MAN GAKA.
I SHOULD DRAW YOU. A SUITABLE YAOI PORTRAIT.
OF YOURSELF. AND JAKE ENGLISH.
YAOI-ING. TOGETHER.
HOWEVER.
*HOWEVER*.
AS AN ARTIST. I HAVE MOVED ON.
FROM THE YAOIS.
I HAVE RETURN TO MY ANGLES.
THE ANGLES HAVE BEAT OUT THE YAOIS.
TO RETURN TO AN ANCIENT ART STYLE WOULD BE TO MOCK MY HONOR. AS AN ARTIST.
HOWEVER.
AFTER TAKING THE "BRO CODE" INTO MIND. I HAVE DECIDED.
TO GRACE YOU.
WITH ONE LAST YAOI MASTERPIECE.
FROM YOURS TRULY.
HOT. YAOI.

haha, he never thought caliborn would actually do it

[inscrutableirony]

Wow.
That sure is something.
I guess I asked for it.
What am I doing in that image?
It looks like I'm bitch-slapping him.
Why am I bitch-slapping my boyfriend?
I mean, not that he's actually my boyfriend anymore.
But for the sake of continuity we can pretend.

[extravagantbitch]

FALSE. YOU HAVE MISINTERPRETED THE YAOI.
AS YOU CAN CLEARLY SEE. HE IS SMILING. WIDELY.
I WOULD HAVE PUT. MANTEARS. OF MANJOY. HOWEVER. THE YAOI SAGES ONLY ALLOW SUCH TEARS IN DRASTIC TIMES.
AT ANY RATE. YOU ARE TENDERLY FEELING HIS SMOOTH BABY-ESQUE FACE. LEANING IN.
FOR *THE KILL*.

[inscrutableirony]

Ok, sweet.
Yeah, the yaoi sages only allow tears during penetration, which you're far too softcore to draw.
It's cool though.
We all know where this is going.
Jake is the moe moe uke boy that everybody wants to bang.
And when my animated doppelganger bangs him there will be blushing, high-pitched squealing, and gross, swollen tears of arousal.
No need to sketch it out.

[extravagantbitch]

FORTUNATELY.
FOR BOTH OF US.
A LACK DESIRE. TO DRAW. HORRIFIC.
HARD CORED YAOI.
HOWEVER. JAKE IS INDEED. A MOE BEAST.
AND YOU. ARE HIS 'SEME'.
YOUR BARA POWERS. ENTICE HIM.
AGH.
NO.
I MUST STOP. I MUST NOT FALL TO THE YAOIS AGAIN.
NEVER AGAIN. MY ANGLES REMAIN MORE POWERFUL.
I WILL NOT BE TEMPTED. BY TEMPESTUOUS BABYFACES.

[inscrutableirony]

My bara powers?
I think you're into this more than you let on.
Don't deny it dude, the yaois have thoroughly seduced you.
I can see it in your eyes. You want to be the biggest badass bara seme the universe has ever seen.
Bet you even want a cute little uke boy of your own to kiss and cuddle.
You can't have Jake though.
I called dibs.

[extravagantbitch]

NO. FALSE. WRONG.
I SPENT. A GOOD DEAL OF TIME. SEDUCED BY THE YAOIS.
HOWEVER. THIS IS NOT THAT TIME. AND I AM NO LONGER A MAN GAKA.
I HAVE EVOLVED.
THAT IS NOT TO SAY. THAT I DO NOT WISH TO BE A BARA SEME.
I DO. THAT IS MY ULTIMATE GOAL.
I WELL GET LARGE. AND I WILL. AS A SEME IS. BE IN CHARGE.

[inscrutableirony]

Right, I forgot it was borderline blasphemy to suggest that you'd ever want to cuddle.
But even the Grand Lord High Seme has to have something to be in charge of.
You can't be in charge if nothing's left and everyone's dead.
Not to put a damper on your killing spree or anything.
I'm just saying that you might want to consider what happens if you're successful.
Plan ahead.
Leave something undestroyed to rule over.

[extravagantbitch]

WHAT.
WAIT.
NO.
HOLD ON. JUST A SECOND.
THERE IS. IN EXISTENCE.
A *GRAND LORD HIGH SEME*??
WHO IS NOT ME?
THE YAOI SAGES NEVER SPOKE OF THIS MAN.
HOW BARA MUST HE BE. TO ACHIEVE SUCH A TITLE.
I MUST FIND HIM. DIRK. I MUST FIND HIM.
AND I MUST KILL HIM.
I MUST BECOME THE GRAND LORD HIGH SEME.

[inscrutableirony]

The yaoi sages are not allowed to speak his name.
For his bara is so vast and his seme so manly it would break their jaws and split their tongues to utter even the first syllable.
No one knows who he is, where he is, or how he even exists under his own massively oppressive aura.
But I know.
I know it in my heart.
Because he is the Grand Lord High Seme.

[extravagantbitch]

HOLY.
FUCKING.
SHIT.
YES. THIS BEING MUST EXIST.
HE MUST.
BECAUSE I MUST SURPASS HIM. AND DEFEAT HIM.
ALTHOUGH HE IS POWERFUL.
I MUST BECOME STRONGER. SO THAT I MAY TAKE HIS PLACE.
AS GRAND LORD HIGH SEME.
DIRK. YOU HAVE SUCCESSFULLY RETURNED ME.
TO YAOI.
ONLY BECAUSE. THIS GRAND HIGH LORD SEME.
IS *STRONG*.

[inscrutableirony]

He is so STRONG man, you don't even know.
You can't even talk about his STRENGTH without capitalizing the letters.
It's like, an unwritten rule of the universe.
But don't worry, you're doing it right.
You don't have to be afraid of inciting his almighty wrath.
And you don't want to do that, I mean,
He's basically capable of crushing entire worlds with his fists.
Gotta say, I have no idea how you're gonna beat him.

[extravagantbitch]

YES.
EXCELLENT. HIS STRENGTH.
*STRENGTH*.
IS WORTH ONLY THE MOST CAPITAL OF LETTERS.
IT SEEMS. HE WILL BE A WORTHY CHALLENGE.
ONE THAT I WILL NOT HESITATE. TO TAKE ON.
HOWEVER. FIRST. I MUST TRAIN.
THAT'S WHAT MANGA STRONG PEOPLE SAY. BY THE WAY.
*I MUST TRAIN*.

[inscrutableirony]

Your training will involve balancing on poles, practicing your moves in remote and visually appealing locations, and meditating under waterfalls.
Then, when you're ready, you're going to have to face your mentor in mortal combat.
Only by defeating him and taking his life can you prove you have truly surpassed your master.
And maybe after all that shit you'll be able to face the Grand Lord High Seme.
I don't know. It depends on who your trainer is.
Ask the yaoi sages, they can probably point you toward a worthy master.