canon is Orange is the New Black!

[tucky]

Here's the thing. On account of not being real and just being a character that you decided to write and all, I can hear every little thing you think and say about me, and I have to tell you I don't appreciate much of it. You probably think you're being all nice and respectful, trying to play me for serious and not making me out to be just a joke, but I know for a fact that you think I'm nasty and mean and hateful. And I got a problem with that, I really do. It don't matter that you think I have my reasons and that you think I can be better than I am. You still called me terrible, and somebody who'd say that ain't the somebody I want pretending to be me. You had a few nice things to say about me too, but that don't make it right, and it don't make us square.

You think I'm gonna be real lonely in Haven too, but I'll tell you something someone told me not long ago: "Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you". And I think maybe you're making all this noise about me being bad and alone because you feel bad and alone yourself-- because you're an unbeliever and a sinner, and you know God isn't in your corner, so you're jealous that he's in mine. I know how it works, I do. And I can change that.

Because you might be real and I might not be, but that don't mean I can't lead you onto the right path.