dear_mun | Hunting for a home. He doesn't want one.

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Hunting for a home. He doesn't want one.

But mundane -- what if I said that I didn't want a home? Besides, you know that it'd mean you'd have to write an app all over again and while you have more than enough substance to fill any and all apps out, you'd have to update it with everything that you've learned about me over the years since we've been amongst this kind of place.

Not to mention you'd have to find a game we'd both enjoy. I myself would rather you find one that won't restrict my powers -- cripple me in some way if you must, given the blindness you cast upon me the last time we were in a game, but to be brought down the level of those crawling, mewling humans--...

[ A sneer. ]

You still don't know where to look for a game and I'm certainly not going to help you. Something with fantastical elements would be fine, I suppose. But if you do have to throw me into such a place, would it be too much to ask for one where I would see faces of people I know? I would even welcome Strife rather than be set loose amongst strangers.

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You're awfully talkative.

I suppose that when I've been saddled with this woman for as long as I have, I've due cause to learn how to be talkative for her, little flower girl.

That's a funny way to put it. [She is keeping her distance because reasons, but she doesn't seem particularly perturbed to be in his presence.] I didn't think you liked any of us.

[ How well the beast knows why she keeps that distance. Mako eyes flare bright with concealed emotions, lingering upon her before he answers her words with a snort. ]

I don't tend to like anyone -- but I can develop tolerances for people. Would you prefer I said that I would care to resume my attempts to extinguish the world and every speck of life upon it?

I'd rather you didn't. [Insanity is painful to watch and even more painful to endure. She knows what the backlash feels like. Cold steel has no place in a warm body.] Have you changed?

[A pleasant change considering she thought death would be the only way to free him from the endless cycle of hate.]

[ The backlash -- ha. What Jenova did has ruined whatever little amount of a 'good name' he may have ever laid claim to -- not that he expects her to believe him were he to inform her of his absence during such events. But the words bring up one gloved hand, palm turned skywards before he closes his fingers over it, regarding the tool of war, for it could be nothing else anymore. ]

Changed? I lost my mind at Nibelheim. I have lost more than I had ever thought possible. And you ask if I have.. changed. [ He remains silent, lambent depths of emerald flashing with another flare of Mako. ] ... I do not know. Does a couerl change its spots?

The pain was too much for you to bear. [Her own eyes glow, reflecting the gentle emerald light of the Lifestream. She is one with it now - a guide and guardian. In a way, her life seems like it occurred a long, long time ago.]

You never turned to your friends; you never asked for help. So all you had was your loneliness and the truth.

[And the truth is awful - has always been awful.]

Which side is you? Only you can decide that.

.. You know nothing of my pain, flower girl. Don't even attempt to think that you can offer sympathy towards it.

[ The words are harsh, quietly bitter with the gall of loss. There is never anything comfortable about anyone who has gone through the losses he has. ]

You don't know anything of what happened with -- with them. [ A twist of his hand into a fist, the knuckles crackling with a potential for violence. ] Nor of the truth. None of you ever knew about it. So why should I bother trying to decide what side I am on?

Perhaps it'd just be easier to wipe the Planet out. With no WEAPONs left barring Chaos, it would be remarkably easy to do so.

After all -- I doubt it has enough strength left to it to revive Holy so soon.

And that's how you push people away. [She isn't sympathetic, but her voice is soft and careful. She knows the danger he poses.] There's no one like you, so everyone must pay for your pain and loneliness.

[Her smile is humorless.]

Isn't that selfish?

And what would you know of it, flower-girl?! [ Just like that, he swings from calm civilized conversation to an open snarl, eyes pulling wide open while white teeth flash in aggression, sharp teeth showing. ] No one like me?! Of course there's no one like me! The only men that were like me are dead now! Shin-Ra saw to that when they had them hunted down and expunged, just because they refused to play the good little puppets any longer! I lost the only things I ever wanted in my life for it!

[ Power shimmers about the beast in scintillating waves of green energy, a silent fire of neon verdigris manifesting for the briefest of seconds. It is enough to make anyone step back - for it is the display of a predator's aggression, the desire to hurt and rend and murder. ]

Selfish-- Selfish! You don't even know the meaning of the word! You know nothing of what happened in that basement, nothing of what led to that! So don't you dare sit there on your high moral ground, Aerith, and dare judge me for what I did!

[In life she would have winced or fallen back a step, but he now speaks to a guardian of the Lifestream. It was her will - and the power bestowed on her by her mother Ifalna - that brought down Holy. While his power is terrible and twisted, she is not afraid to stand against it because the souls of those she loves are worth protecting.]

How do you think the Cetras feel? [Are they so different? She has spent most of time on the fringes of society. Oh she sold her flowers and made friends, but she knew in life that she was not like them. It's a horribly lonely feeling and part of her understands his anger.

But not his hate.] ShinRa will pay for its sins with or without you, Sephiroth.

[ The head of the dragon tilts as he hears the Planet shriek, listening to how the currents of its very pulse recoils from his anger; guardian of the Lifestream? That means nothing when the monster of a man has enough power to rip this little rock open with as much care as one might take with cracking open an egg.

She is strong. But he is stronger still.

Yet, it is not the destruction of the Planet that Jenova sought so ardently which he displays. It is a bitterness that has had time to soak into the man, a bitterness that's brewed from wormwood and gall, from a pain that no one has ever seemed to look at and see. ]

How the Cetra feel--?

[ He laughs then, the noise sharp, mocking, all sharp glassy edges and hollowness to make hairs stand on end. ]

Probably like fools. But at least none of them were made into freaks of nature. Shin-Ra -- [ A snort, one gloved hand slashing through the air in dismissal. ] Shin-Ra is nothing anymore. Jenova saw to that when she used my visage to shatter the backbone -- and with the destruction caused by the WEAPONs, it matters even less now.

Stop. [It's a quiet plea as she lays eyes on the monster that haunts her friend's nightmares. Dark fatigue enters her gaze and she steps back, finding a place to rest, her hands curled in her lap.]

Your friends never thought of you as a freak. Even if they knew - [She shakes her head, frowning at his laugh.] Would you rather be a puppet or take a chance?

[This time, she holds out a hand, palm up.]

Forgiveness isn't impossible. It just takes a lot of time and a lot of work.

[ He halts in mid-flow, attempting, visibly, to force himself back to calmness with shaking hands lifting to pass over the upper half of the SOLDIER's face, passing through the thickly luxuriant mane of platinum shade which hangs in a moonlit weft past his waist. ]

.. You know nothing of my friends, flower girl. And you seem to think that I'm seeking forgiveness or redemption --

I'm not seeking either of those. I am what I am. The monster of Shin-Ra, created by a madman. I make no apologies for what I did during the Wutai campaign and what took place in Nibelheim--? I am not sorry for that either.

Why would I want forgiveness for any of it?

[Why do people draw such wonderful art?]

So you still think of them as your friends. [Ha ha, her little trick worked~! Unless, of course, he's talking about Jenova, but then why use the plural? She feels a little tinge of hope for him.]

You know you've hurt them and they know you're hurting too. [Madness isn't something someone wakes up and chooses one day. It's bred from anger, pain and bitterness. It happens when the mind cracks under the strain of a burden too great.]

Hojo was a monster. [For many, many reasons.] But you didn't have a choice. You were innocent.

Why wouldn't I--? [ Angeal and Genesis had been his everything. He loved them, even now, but there was still so much bitterness to the beast that he burned with it. It would not be anything that could be discarded in one simple swoop. ]

They know I'm hurting?! They're the ones that hurt me. [ The volume of the General's voice fluctuates, up and down, sliding along the vocal register before flattening out to a coldness that makes it clear that he will tolerate so little of this pushing. What does she know of his Genesis, of his Angeal? What does she know of three boys that became friends, became the light in the solemn life of the General, boy-soldier that he had been. ] It doesn't matter whether I hurt them. They betrayed me first.

As for Hojo -- ha! A choice -- I was commissioned, girl, by Shin-Ra. I was made to fulfill their campaign. I was designed to be their perfect little toy soldier and I did the job quite well. I've never been innocent.

If you turned your back on them - if you devoted yourself only to Jenova - then they're not really your friends anymore, are they? [She swings her legs to distract herself from the tension that crackles around him. One doesn't put them hand in the fire without feeling their flesh burn.] Haven't you done enough to them? To everyone? They're -

[Dead. Her hand rises and she touches her abdomen where his sword had made a sheathe.]

...defeated. [Yes, that's a better word.] But you didn't know how you came to be at first, did you? They kept that from you and used you. I would be angry too.

Swear myself to Jenova? To that alien bitch who tore my mind apart to get what she wanted from me? That same bitch, might I add, who killed you?

[ A snort. ]

Oh, don't tell me that you actually believed I held the sword. She wore my face while she dragged Strife and your merry little band around on a fantastic chase. Your mother said it herself -- Jenova was a deceitful, manipulative creature.

What I've done doesn't matter. She wore my face so my hands are, of course, stained with the blood she killed.

As for what I know how I came to be? I suppose I should be grateful about the fact that Hojo and Lucrecia kept such detailed notes.

[ A week of not sleeping, of not eating, of dealing with grief at the loss of not one but both friends, his only friends, the only people he had ever loved, of watching Genesis ask for his help while Angeal was gone--

... a week of not eating, of not sleeping and he had broken underneath the weight of stress. Sephiroth had never been a strong man emotionally due to how he'd been brought up, but too much had shattered him. ]

Anger doesn't even begin to describe what I feel, girl. Don't try to think you even understand me.

[Something about the way this guy talks makes GV's skin crawl...]

If you're looking to let loose anywhere, you're probably gonna have a hard time. Most places these days'll have you crawling and mewling like everybody else.

Let loose? Hardly. I simply have no desire to be shackled and hobbled the way that so many allow themselves to be in order to placate their mundanes.

[ His gestures and vocabulary are expansive - and perhaps a glimmer of his madness is showing through today. It won't hurt anyone, surely. ]

I don't think anyone around here does, but it's usually the only way to beat out the alternative. Y'know, sitting around doing nothing.

[He can't help narrowing his eyes a little bit, but he'll cut back on saying whatever snarky running commentary he's got going inwardly out loud. This guy... he's seen this before, and recently. It's ringing all kinds of unpleasant bells.]

Perhaps some of us would enjoy sitting around, doing nothing. But then again, I suppose one can only ask for so much when faced with such dismal prospects.

[ A tilt of that platinum crowned head ensues, gaze regarding the stranger for a moment longer before the serpentine gaze cuts elsewhere and away from the boy. Whatever it is that burns in the dragon, this monster is keeping it well banked. ]

Some people can't hack that after a while. Doesn't matter if you're pulling the strings or not.

[While the man looks away, the boy continues to scrutinize. Give this guy a pair of shades, and he'd almost be a dead ringer.

Ha. Dead. Odd word to use in a place like this...]

Hmph. Then I suppose it is a good thing that I have learned a relationship of mutual push and pull with my mundane. She respects me and I don't make trouble for her. [ A pause. ] -- is there something you want, boy? You're staring rather hard.

[ Over cuts those green eyes, though he still doesn't turn to face the child full-on just yet. ]

You know, you might have a better chance of finding a game that you like if you helped to look for one.

I would assist her if we had even an idea of where to find any games. But she and I have been absent from here for a time so, that idea is not exactly one that works.

I'm sure we could both find one, but it's the finding that's proving difficult.

Well, my mun and her friends talk about a place called "app_this_plz" to search for games. You specify your criteria, and then others reply with suitable games.

.. I see. Perhaps I'll be able to persuade my mundane to consider it. Or we could at least browse it.

[ A small shake of his head. ]

If it pans out, however, then I suppose the job it provides will be done.

I actually know how you feel. I've never had a home, and I really don't think I want or need one.

[ A glance, gaze cutting over the form clad in black before he inclines his head in quiet respect towards one whom he wasn't expecting to see. ]

No? I suppose that that is normal for the Turks.

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Hunting for a home. He doesn't want one.

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gosh I love your Aerith. don't mind Seph. he has issues.

Aw thank you! I'm enjoying the heck out of your Seph. ;-; And she's used to his issues.

he has issues out the wazoo lemme tell ya-- AND THANK. i've been feeling rusty with my baby.

I'm glad you brought him back! :3

Well, I haven't channeled him properly in a long time. So I figure shake the rust off here.

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