considering the box forever

[buttstallion]

Soooo! You gonna get off your fatass and do something with me or what? Like. Seriously. I get the whole thing about wanting to finish that other game starring me, Handsome Jack first, but what's the point?

I mean, we all know how I turn out eventually!

A.K.A., I become Pandora's hero/savior, everybody loves me, yadda yadda. You know! The important parts.

Anyway. Yep. Get on that. Pretty sure this place could use a little sprucin' up with my general (brilliant, amazing, fantastic, etc.) existence anyway.

Comments

[tenderloin]

DIE DIE DIE

KILL KILL KILL

SMASH YOUR FAKEY-FACE INTO THE GROUND PICK UP THE PIECES AND SELL THEM TO ORPHANS FOR MONEY

THEN EAT THE ORPHANS!!!

[sorry can't hear you over nonsensical screaming]

[buttstallion]

Oh look. A bandit.

Ew. Gross.

Hey! Mister Crazy-Lowlife-Scum-of-the-Earth. Wanna hear something hilarious? Orphans couldn't AFFORD my face. How about that!

[tenderloin]

Oh.

Ohh...

SKIP THE SELLING! GO STRAIGHT TO EATING!!!

[buttstallion]

See? Okay. And this is why you assholes are not the heroes of the freakin' story. I mean look at you! You're totally promoting cannibalism and child murder to my FACE.

Gross gross gross. Ew times infinity and beyond.

[theperfectbeing]

[Have a strange looking insect man floating several feet in the sky above you, Jack.]

My, and here I thought Vegeta had the biggest ego to ever exist... thought you certainly are more entertaining to watch.

[He also kind of sounds like you.]

[buttstallion]

[ what in flailing butt monkeys is that oh christ. ]

Says the roided up green asshole flying above me. Means a lot to me. Really.

[theperfectbeing]

Tell me, Mr. "Hero of Pandora" do you consider yourself to be strong?

[buttstallion]

Is grass green? Is the sky blue? Uh. Duh I'm strong. I'm actually a lot of things. Attractive, clever, rich. You name it, I'm packing it.

[divorcee]

More like you wind up a corpse. And honestly, I figure I'll let Lilith get the kill.

[When in doubt, might as well piss off the self-aggrandizing jackass.]

[buttstallion]

LA LA LA LA LA. I can't hear you behind the sound of me STILL BREATHING.

[divorcee]

[And Axton just rolls his eyes.] What was that? "Oh, please, Commando, you're so much cooler than me"? I think that's what I heard.

[hemophilic]

Perhaps your host is frightened of what you are capable of.

But one way, or another, you'll find your way into the sun, will you not?

[buttstallion]

Probably. Wouldn't be the first time some lowlife pleb got intimidated by my unbelievable awesomenss.

[ the point. he missed it. ]

[hemophilic]

[It's okay, Eliza feels you, bro.]

Plebeians do seem to be plagued with unwarranted arrogance. It'd almost be cute, if it weren't perpetually irritating.

It seems as though a reminder of who's superior is in order, darling.

[pitythefool]

Wow. It's a good thing you're so modest, I guess.

[buttstallion]

You know what would have been better?

Your mom.

Aborting you.

Jackass.

[pitythefool]

Oooh, scary! Y'know, maybe they should start calling you Scary Jack instead! Or maybe even Mean Jack! Or something. 'Cause no offense, but, er...

You're really not all that handsome.

lateee sorry!

[h0kku]

Greetings, y0u assh0le/0nly a f00l w0uld think that/ y0u are a her0.

there is no such thing as late okay

[buttstallion]

HEY! I got an even better one for ya!

Check it out.

Hi my name is Zer/OOOOOOO wait I forgot I suck/Jack is amazing

The end.

<3

[h0kku]

Y0u are a cheater/ assh0le and a bad act0r./Y0u are n0t amazing.

[concealedwings]

[ Oh. Dear. Deep breaths, Angel. ] Everybody loves you? That's not true, and you know that.

[buttstallion]

[ RECORD SCRATCH. oh. ]

Angel? Sweetheart? Alright, listen. I get it. I get being confused about this kind of thing. Really, I do. But you're still a kid okay? You. Don't. Understand. People... well, there are good people and there are bad people. The bad people are the ones who don't give the heroes the respect and adoration they deserve.

And I know you're angry with me baby, but really? Those people who you're talking about? Who I'm talking about? Weeell they're at the bottom of the food-chain anyway. Might as well wipe 'em off the grid sooner than later.

Problem. Solved.

[sycher]

Don't think you're goin' somewhere fun without me, do you?

[buttstallion]

Naturally, I assumed you'd be coming along for shits and giggles. I mean, where would I be without my bandit... killer of bandits.

Kay yeah. That sounded way better in my head. POINT IS. You're totally invited.

[sycher]

Wouldn't it have been easier to just say "girlfriend"? [ She loves you Jack, but you really need to work on the whole naming things.]

I'll whip my mun into it, but I might have to take a different approach-- she's into that kind of stuff. At least her taste isn't all that bad. Though she's been going on about some other place that sounds like yours.