considering the box forever

[buttstallion]

Soooo! You gonna get off your fatass and do something with me or what? Like. Seriously. I get the whole thing about wanting to finish that other game starring me, Handsome Jack first, but what's the point?

I mean, we all know how I turn out eventually!

A.K.A., I become Pandora's hero/savior, everybody loves me, yadda yadda. You know! The important parts.

Anyway. Yep. Get on that. Pretty sure this place could use a little sprucin' up with my general (brilliant, amazing, fantastic, etc.) existence anyway.

Comments

[tenderloin]

DIE DIE DIE

KILL KILL KILL

SMASH YOUR FAKEY-FACE INTO THE GROUND PICK UP THE PIECES AND SELL THEM TO ORPHANS FOR MONEY

THEN EAT THE ORPHANS!!!

[sorry can't hear you over nonsensical screaming]

[buttstallion]

Oh look. A bandit.

Ew. Gross.

Hey! Mister Crazy-Lowlife-Scum-of-the-Earth. Wanna hear something hilarious? Orphans couldn't AFFORD my face. How about that!

[tenderloin]

Oh.

Ohh...

SKIP THE SELLING! GO STRAIGHT TO EATING!!!

[buttstallion]

See? Okay. And this is why you assholes are not the heroes of the freakin' story. I mean look at you! You're totally promoting cannibalism and child murder to my FACE.

Gross gross gross. Ew times infinity and beyond.

[theperfectbeing]

[Have a strange looking insect man floating several feet in the sky above you, Jack.]

My, and here I thought Vegeta had the biggest ego to ever exist... thought you certainly are more entertaining to watch.

[He also kind of sounds like you.]

[divorcee]

More like you wind up a corpse. And honestly, I figure I'll let Lilith get the kill.

[When in doubt, might as well piss off the self-aggrandizing jackass.]

[buttstallion]

[ what in flailing butt monkeys is that oh christ. ]

Says the roided up green asshole flying above me. Means a lot to me. Really.

[buttstallion]

LA LA LA LA LA. I can't hear you behind the sound of me STILL BREATHING.

[divorcee]

[And Axton just rolls his eyes.] What was that? "Oh, please, Commando, you're so much cooler than me"? I think that's what I heard.

[buttstallion]

Naaah. Not gonna dish out any cool points to the loser divorcee who'd rather bone his turret than get any real action.

Real action like. You know. Sex. Which I've had a lot of. As in way more than you. Just putting that out there. Thought you should know.

PS: I'm cooler.

[hemophilic]

Perhaps your host is frightened of what you are capable of.

But one way, or another, you'll find your way into the sun, will you not?

[buttstallion]

Probably. Wouldn't be the first time some lowlife pleb got intimidated by my unbelievable awesomenss.

[ the point. he missed it. ]

[divorcee]

[Eye-twitch goes here.]

...How about you watch what you say about Sarah, jackass? You sure this is the path you wanna take?

Because I have ten years of Dahl military service. And trust me, I know how to kill ugly bastards like you really well.

[theperfectbeing]

Tell me, Mr. "Hero of Pandora" do you consider yourself to be strong?

[buttstallion]

[ oh no he's on a roll now ]

The same Dahl military that she KICKED YOU OUT OF, amirite? Haha, classic!

And hey, yeah. Feel free to lay it on me, scumbag. It's not like I have a robot army at my fingertips or anything.

[hemophilic]

[It's okay, Eliza feels you, bro.]

Plebeians do seem to be plagued with unwarranted arrogance. It'd almost be cute, if it weren't perpetually irritating.

It seems as though a reminder of who's superior is in order, darling.

[divorcee]

[Don't let it rattle you, don't let it rattle you, don't let it-]

She got me out of there, yeah. I kind doubt anyone would do that for you.

[Axton grins fiercely, fingers twitching towards his holo-deck.] Six of us versus one of you? Hell yeah! We got your piece-of-crap 'bots dead to rights. You're going down, Jack, and that, you can bet on!

[buttstallion]

Is grass green? Is the sky blue? Uh. Duh I'm strong. I'm actually a lot of things. Attractive, clever, rich. You name it, I'm packing it.

[buttstallion]

Kay. You do that. Meanwhile, I'm just gonna go back to my Moonbase, kick my feet up, and enjoy a nice delicious bag of pretzels that you? Could never afford. Not in a million years. Not even with all the money you earned from WRECKING my freaking CITY.

[ where did that even coming from ]

Anyway. Just gonna keep pushing this big red button I got on my control panel up there. 'Cuz I've got a loooooot of loaders. So yeah, haha! Good luck with that whole "bringing me down thing."

[ PA a fuck ]

[theperfectbeing]

Ah, but can you do this?

[ The grasshopper man extends out a hand almost boredly. A beam of pure energy erupts from the palm and shooting forth like a comet, strikes some mountain or city or whatever in the distance and obliterates it with the force of a dozen Eyes of Helios]

[buttstallion]

[ Jack may have jumped a little. Then goes back to like slicking his hair back and pretending he didn't just poo himself a little.

Clears his throat. ]

Oh yeah. Totally. Just watch this.

[ Whips out an giantass ECHO device. ]

Soooo. Can I get like, fifty loaders down here to help me blow up a mountain? It's kinda' important. Kay thanks.

[ Shoves said device back in his pocket. Somehow. Ten seconds later. Fifty oversized robots appear out of nowhere and begin bumbling over to said mountain and start firing lasers and canons and all that good stuff at it.

And Jack just stands there. Folding his arms and smirking. ]

[buttstallion]

TELL me about it.

Actually, this one time, I mass-exterminated an entire line of stupid robots. Seriously wish there was an easier solution for idiots but sadly, there's no such thing as miracles.

[hemophilic]

I do not know of these "robots", but I'll assume that they were lesser beings that were too ignorant to learn their place. Miracles are rarely heard of, but it does not mean they don't exist -- I'm a miracle of nature, after all.

[Eliza is Eliza's #1 fan.]

[pitythefool]

Wow. It's a good thing you're so modest, I guess.

[buttstallion]

You know what would have been better?

Your mom.

Aborting you.

Jackass.