I guess this is a sensitive subject

[fukkinawesome]

No really, getting real sick and tired of people coming up with bullshit causes of cancer.

Ramen causes cancer? Sugar feeds cancer- What do they just have some official cancer bullshit squad that types this shit up at night and posts it on Facebook?

So that assholes can tell me I put my cancer in me?

Yeah great, hey while we're at it, why don't we just say it's a curse from God. God doesn't like me.

Same bullshit, different century.

Comments

[notintehkitchen]

[A MASKLESS PYRO APPEARS.]

That's like saying bacon makes you fat.

[fukkinawesome]

Hate to tell you this: It does.

[notintehkitchen]

Great. I bet you are one of those future people who are going to tell me smoking is bad for me.

I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

[fukkinawesome]

And smoking causes lung cancer. And throat cancer! Just cancer everywhere. That and asbestos.

[notintehkitchen]

Hah. Then I'd already be dead, multiple times.

[By dead she means REAL dead. Respawn is a very lovely device that makes her able to live way past what she would be able to thus wise.]

[fukkinawesome]

Have fun with cancer. It's only funny the first few times.

[notintehkitchen]

I bet Sensei could fix it.

The universe might end if they thread too long, but at least it would be awesome

[shoulda_toined]

Well, if ya wanna be all technical-like, yer writer gave you cancer.

But I don't think complainin' ta dem about it's gonna change anything, so you might as well make some good Comedy.

this shouldn't happen

[fukkinawesome]

Yeah but canonly it's genetic.

I can't make a lot of jokes about cancer, pal. Not even funny dark humor jokes because I'm definitely not going to die from it.

dooo iiiiiiiit

[shoulda_toined]

Dying is easy. Comedy is hard.

And if you don't wanna make jokes about it, how about yer little yellow boxes?

(Beat.)

You still have doze, right? Or are you some kinda "darkah, edgy-ah" reboot?

[fukkinawesome]

I still have the boxes. Not the white boxes anymore, that guy left. Yellow ones have stuck around. They don't think the cancer is very funny either though, except now I get to wear my boots everywhere. Even in the house. No one wants sloughed off skin in their hallway, that shit doesn't come out.

[shoulda_toined]

(Bugs has seen Daffy be disintegrated by alien rays. Skin sloughing doesn't phase him.)

You should see Gossamer when it comes around shedding season.

(Beat.)

We tried selling the stuff as wigs, but nobody wanted to be a redhead.

[fukkinawesome]

My mun is sitting here being very offended because she is a soulless ginger.

I on the other hand, think that's hilarious and encourage you to keep going.

[shoulda_toined]

Well, sure, I don't mind, but I find dat it's more fun when dere's a straight man ta do a routine wid.

(Looks him up and down.)

So, kid, know any good routines?

[fukkinawesome]

Yeah true, I'm not good at that.

So far I got the hand pun routine and that bit where I turn everything into a musical.

[So it's either terrifying or annoying]

[shoulda_toined]

I guess you're more used ta being da Zany, what wid Cable bein' da Straight Man.

(Beat.)

Or it it more Ambiguously Straight fer da two 'a ya? I ain't one ta judge, it's just sometimes it's hard ta tell if it's all in good fun or if yer actually an item and I nevah assume anything.

(Bugs pulls a piano out of...well, wherever it is cartoon characters get their stuff.)

Musicals, eh? I can do musicals!

(He begins playing "chopsticks", the notes sounding tinkly, as if the piano has seen better days.)

(Horrifically out of tune:) o/ Fi-fi-fi-fi-fiiiiigarooo! o/

[fukkinawesome]

I think everyone in the universe knows me and Cable did the do. Often. There was nothing heterosexual about my run with Nate. I'm not even straight with him in the game, and that was a huge titmachine machofest.

No. If we're doing Classics, it's gonna be my kind of classics.

[He goes to elbow Bugs out of the way. And promptly plays a pretty damn good opening to Crazy Train. Lot of free time, Wade Wilson]

Good shit in here.

[shoulda_toined]

Like I said, I ain't one ta judge.

(Just a little miffed when he gets upstaged, but at least the other guy's starting to get into the spirit of a good comedy routine. So Bugs attempts a boy band-style backup dance routine to go along with the music.

Yes, that looks exactly as ridiculous as it sounds.)

[jokester_not_joker]

It is something you do have to sort out. Between the lines they feed you and what's really fact.

I imagine some of those causes are true, but panicky people are always more willing to listen to advice from authority.

[fukkinawesome]

Still getting tired of bullshit, there's no reason to make random idiot stuff up just so you can look like you're smart.

Personally, I think it does a lot more harm than good.

[jokester_not_joker]

That is probably true.

The good thing is the peculiar bit of thinking that might get a cure going. At least for some cancers. The idea that cancer being well, a being, sort of that's alive might die of a disease a human can survive.

[fukkinawesome]

That bit I can get behind, but until then, lets stop making up reasons that cause cancer. Sometimes perfectly healthy people get cancer. For what looks like no reason.