Canon is Strike Back; she doesn't appreciate the implication.

[dislikesbombs]

No, I'm not having sexual thoughts about Damien Scott in the back of a very expensive roadster. It is possible for a woman to exist in this canon and not have sex with him, you know.

I think.

Comments

[copythat]

[ Hi Kate, have a Stonebridge. He looks equal parts unimpressed and utterly bewildered. But stoically, obviously. ]

[dislikesbombs]

[Obviously. Kate manages a polite smile.]

Hello, Michael.

[copythat]

[ Still looking unimpressed and bewildered, to be honest. ]

Kate?

[dislikesbombs]

Yeah.

[She doesn't blame him for either emotion. If he told her to fuck off, she wouldn't be that surprised.]

You look well.

[copythat]

Funny. I could say the same about you.

[ But he's not going to because he saw you get blown up and not a word since? ]

[dislikesbombs]

[She deserves that.]

I can explain. But if you don't want me to and would rather I just leave - I understand.

[copythat]

[ He's just going to go ahead and forget all body language training they've had so he can cross his arms over his chest. ]

No, I'm all ears. It's not every day people you thought you knew come back from the dead.

[dislikesbombs]

You say that like you think I wanted to lie to you.

[It's an outburst for sure, but she can't help it; the coldness in his gaze is obvious and it hurts more than she thought it would.]

I spent the better part of a year in hospital. When I finally did get back, I was told it was best if I moved on. And I believed her.

[copythat]

Her? [ He's still looking every bit stoic in the face of this conversation, but his brain is gearing up to the maths. It's easier than trying to digest how he feels about it. Better to struggle on with fact than try to work any of that out at the moment. ]

Dalton?

[dislikesbombs]

[A slight nod. Kate's voice is cracked slightly, cowed. She's holding his eyes because she has to, not because she wants to.]

You were going through enough. And I didn't think you'd want to see me again in the shape I was in. Still am in, actually. So I was transferred to another unit instead.

[copythat]

Right. Of course. [ There's a very visible ripple of muscle along his jaw as he processes the words. So much has happened but it's not hard to single out what Kate might be referring to. He's certainly not going to talk about it. Not here, not now and not with somebody he can't trust on principle, for now. He's too good a soldier to let his guard slip regardless of their past. ]

Which unit?

[dislikesbombs]

I'm working domestic intelligence, for now. Here in London.

[A sigh.]

Look, Michael, if you're going to get angry at me, or hate me, just do it already. That would be so much better than you looking at me like you wish I wasn't here.

[copythat]

Angry? [ Some of that demeanour cracks. Just slightly. He looks surprised now. ]

What am I supposed to say? I thought you were dead. We drank to your memory. Turns out you're not dead at all. Put yourself in my position, Kate.

[dislikesbombs]

Don't you think I know that? Don't you think I thought about you and Damien and Julia for months?

But what was I supposed to do, Michael? Walk back into your life then a nice half mutilated reminder of the fact you cheated on your dead wife?

[She probably shouldn't have said that last part and she knows it once the words come out of her mouth. She blinks tears out of her eyes.]

I loved you. I wasn't going to hurt you anymore.

idk about michael but *I* need a strong drink now dear god

[copythat]

[ Something complicated flashes across his eyes before he has a running chance at shutting it down. The way they'd left things had been pretty clear. It didn't mean he hadn't mourned Kate, hadn't still cared about her.

He swallows as much as he can away, dryly, and frowns. ]

It wasn't just about us.

After you was Grant. Then Sinclair. Baxter. Dalton. [ He doesn't need to elaborate on how it feels to lose fellow soldiers. It's part of the job and all of them have picked up and carried on the best that they can, the only way they know how. But getting at least one of those lost lives back... that it's Kate, of all of them. ] Do I need to go on?

the angst it is horrible and kind of awesome

[dislikesbombs]

Oliver? Shit.

[This is precisely why Kate had stayed 'dead.' After three years it probably was no longer an operational hazard. It was the dealing with the emotions and the thought that they were all better off without her. It's terribly easy to see how Dalton convinced her to stay away.]

I'm not going to say I don't want to see you again, Michael. I do. I miss all of you. But I care enough about you that if it's easier for me to just go back to my unit I will. I won't be the cause of more of your pain.

angsty might actually be an understatement for the show

[copythat]

[ He looks away, as if looking at her is too difficult. It is too difficult but Stonebridge forces himself to try and regroup so he can look back. It's a horrible balancing act of not being able to bear looking at her but not wanting to miss a second of it. He hadn't expected to be able to look at her ever again. Or touch her. ]

Look, I can't just walk away as though this never happened. I can't look Damien and Julia in the face knowing.

lol totally no one will ever be happy here

[dislikesbombs]

Tell them if you have to. It doesn't mean you ever have to see me.

[She's eyeing him. She'll do whatever he wants her to do.]

cursed to be forever alone /single manly tear

[copythat]

Do you want to see them again? [ He's going to avoid the obvious question and plough straight ahead into something that doesn't make him feel like he's losing grip on reality. ]

sob

[dislikesbombs]

Of course I do.

[copythat]

[ He nods as if to say 'that's settled then', as if that's the entirety of his response to the whole situation. But at a loss of what else to say or do, he resorts to behaviour that has been trained into him ever since he enlisted. He straightens his back and squares his shoulders, risks a hand held out as though he can't step over the space between them but can come to terms with the idea of a handshake. ]

[dislikesbombs]

[It's so formal, she's not used to that kind of formality between them. But that doesn't stop her from reaching her hand out for his. If he wants to keep things professional that's his right as far as she's concerned.]

I'll give you my information. In case you need to reach me.

[It really feels like there's something else she should say or do here but she doesn't know what.]

Michael...I'm sorry. For my part in all of this and for hiding from you and whatever else you may think I'm responsible for. All I was ever trying to do was what I thought was best. I know you can understand that.

[copythat]

[ The hand that slips into his own feels jarringly familiar, even after three years. But he doesn't shake it. Part of him had thought that maybe he could have. Remained professional in the face of a situation that's as hard as life-threatening circumstances to deal with. The other part of him had known different.

Instead he just holds on to Kate's hand and listens to the apology. However else he feels about her and, apparently, Dalton keeping this from him - from all of them - he's not so ready to claim that he wishes he hadn't ever found out. ]

I'm starting to see the appeal of being a big drinker. [ A pause. ] Fuck. Look, I don't know what's going to happen. I'm out of the country tomorrow and you-- [ Whatever else has happened since Kate, Stonebridge isn't moved to sentimentality all too often. But he's learnt the hard way to say things he'll regret not saying later. ]

It's good to see you.

[dislikesbombs]

Ask Damien about that. [See, it's a joke. But then an awkward silence, Kate looking at him with an almost pleading in her eyes. She doesn't know what to hope for. It's true that she fell in love with him. But even before, they were a mistake. He's not the man who cheats on his wife, and he had told her as such. It had only been her stupid tendency to fall for people she works with and his needing someone who understood the work that had led them to fall into bed together. Whatever feelings she had for him, she doubted he ever loved her as much as she loved him. She pauses, hands him her card with her mobile number and her new rank and unit on it.]

It's, um, good to see you too. Be careful, Michael.

[She wants to invite him for a drink. Or something, anything other than just letting him walk away. But this conversation has shattered her confidence in that respect. She turns to go, her only concession to anything that's happened biting back an expletive when her chest suddenly feels tight and it's hard for her to breathe.]

[copythat]

[ Talking about Scott is, strangely, a more comfortable place to shift the conversation. If Stonebridge had been better at drinking himself into oblivion, perhaps he would be able to pretend the past three years hadn't ever happened. That this was just another conversation happening in the crib.

He takes the card between weapon-calloused fingers and nods. He hasn't looked down at it because he hasn't stopped looking at her, even as she starts to walk away. ]

You too, Kate. You too.

[dislikesbombs]

[She turns her head back to look at him with a sad smile.]

I hope you still mean that tomorrow.

[Because she's not sure he's entirely content with her walking back into his life. And he hasn't gotten anywhere near close enough to see how she looks now, after being blown up, or to hear about all the things she went through just to get back to him. To know about the moment when she could see him as she was told to get the hell out of there.]

Go save the world. You're good at it.

[copythat]

[ Stonebridge stopped living for tomorrow a while ago. What he knows is the here and now. He doesn't miss the sad smile and though he could follow and wrap his arms around her he won't. But, for the first time in a long time, he thinks beyond the end of the day.

He makes no promises, but the card in his hand is carefully pushed into his pocket. Maybe the day after tomorrow, when he knows for certain whether he can return the favour of not unintentionally hurting her. ]

Someone has to hold Scott's hand while we're out saving the world.

[dislikesbombs]

Just distract him. Ask him about the 38 million dollar Ferrari.

[copythat]

Do I really want to know?

[dislikesbombs]

I told him about a car I bought and he of course brought up having sex in the back of it.

[copythat]

Definitely didn't want to know. [ TOO MANY AWKWARD FEELINGS HE DOESN'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT, KATE. ]

[dislikesbombs]

I told you so. [Look, it's a genuine smile.] Call me sometime.