Canon is FX's Fargo. Mode is Eternally Sassy.

[mr_numbers]

Unimpressed. That's what this can neatly be summed up as: I am completely and utterly unimpressed. Actually, it sounds like that's a real common reaction in this community, but does the overall lackluster enthusiasm actually stop any of you from ruining other people's lives? Oh no. And don't even start by trying to justify this as some kind of assignment. It's over.

I'll give you this, it's better than Minnesota in January. So, since my neck seems to be holding itself together, how about directing me to the nearest place to get a drink?

Comments

[mozambiquedrill]

You're in for a rude awakening if you think that mun is going to give up so easily. Believe me, she always keeps the most annoying assholes around to stay. [And you seem like one of those, so... Cheers.]

<3 yer face five ever

[mr_numbers]

[ There's a long stare, then a brief shrug as if to say 'What the hell, man." ]

I'm gonna let that slide as an insult to her and some misconstrued assessment from one of the friendly regulars around here.

[ Speaking of assholes. ]

says the most fabulous person everrr, by which i mean you :D

[mozambiquedrill]

[Vincent gives this guy a friendly smile, but whether it's genuine or well-practiced bullshit is anyone's guess.]

You could definitely call me a regular. Whether I'm friendly or not depends on you and if you plan on complaining the entire time you're here.

stahp, that's so clearly you.

[mr_numbers]

[ Call him old-fashioned, but he figures dying solicits a little complaining. Either way, he knows when it's time to get his shit together and move forward. ]

I've got plenty of friends. How you act is up to you.

NOPE lies

[mozambiquedrill]

[Hey, do you see him complaining? He's probably still doing laps around L.A., pal. He bobs his shoulders, an easy smile still on his lips.] I'm not an unreasonable guy. Hell, I'll even buy you that drink.

:D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[mr_wrench]

[Wide eyes. Always and forever. Mr. Wrench stares at the man before him. His hands start moving before he even realizes they are.]

You're alive!

screeeeeeee!!!!! 8D

[mr_numbers]

[ What the--

If he believed in this Five People You Meet in Heaven shit, he'd be a little ticked at how this is coming together. Come on, man, why the hell do you always have to stare so much.

No, I'm not. I'm dead. Really dead.

When he's done turning his hands and almost pouting about it, he sizes Wrench up.

You're alive? ]

I wish I had smiling icons for this guy. But I don't.

[mr_wrench]

[Wrench's excitement fades somewhat. Yes, of course Numbers was dead. Wrench had known that, but he had somewhat hoped that was wrong. He nods at the question-- yes, he was still alive.

But this doesn't mean Numbers is off the hook. Wrench's hands start going again.]

Where the hell have you been?

[Other than dead, that is. Numbers is here now, so why not sooner?]

It's cool. He's smiling on the inside.

[mr_numbers]

I didn't know I was on a schedule.

[ He can do as he pleases, after all or so he likes to think.

Although now he does begin to wonder what happened after all this dying business-- the whiteout, Malvo stalking around, and what he could have sworn was record police response time. Not an ideal situation to get left behind in. ]

You got away?

[mr_wrench]

I was shot. I went to the hospital. They told me you were dead.

[Wrench is still annoyed at Numbers' late arrival and will continue to harp on this. Even so, he's very relieved to see his partner again, despite never being the sort the say it.]

Then Malvo showed up.

[abadboy]

[Don't do it, Lester. Don't. You're asking for trouble.]

Aw, jeez. Does everyone come back here?

[LESTER I TOLD YOU NOT TO.]

[mr_numbers]

[ Oh. Small world. Small world full of small people who have a knack for finding trouble.

Small people that tase other people as a solution to holes that they've dug for themselves. Rude. ]

I don't know. Maybe we should all have a picnic. What do you think, Lester?

[abadboy]

Nope. No I think I'm all booked up.

[Busy man this guy. So busy. Being dead and all. Just ask your partner, they've already spoken.

Let's just say Mr. Wrench might have put Lester back in the grave.]

[mr_numbers]

I'm sure you can pencil me in. We go way back.

[ Tell him, he loves stories. Seriously. ]

How's that hand?

[abadboy]

[Basically Lester talked shit about you being dead and Wrench beat his ass with a bent tire iron. It was a good talk.]

Oh good. Fine.

[How's that neck? Okay no. We won't go there.]

Run into Malvo yet? Or three of him? There are a couple, should keep you and your friend busy.

NUMBERS AND WRENCH THO I'M CRY

[jeez]

[And Bill is unimpressed with you, fella.

NO ONE GETS TO TALK SHIT ABOUT MINNESOTA, DO YOU UNDERST—



wait isn't this guy dead

Bill's pretty sure this guy is dead MOLLY EVEN TRIED TO HAVE HIM LOOK AT THE AUTOPSY PHOTOS AND HE ALMOST FAINTED THIS HERE IS A DEAD MAN

Play it cool, Oswalt.]

Careful about askin' for directions. Might, uh, find yourself in the middle of a horror film if you're not careful.

[Speaking from experience.]

No, Bill is not allowed to cry. That's a legit rule.

[mr_numbers]

[ Oh god. Small town law enforcement. Does the company really get any better around here?

He's gonna guess no. Still, Numbers manages a thin smile. ]

I'll keep that in mind.

[ Now beat it. ]

/lip wobbles...

[jeez]

No, I mean — really. Talkin' animals, vampires, corporations that wanna steal your organs and do who knows what else. It's — y'know, it's serious out there.

[Cue some awkward foot shuffling.]

Wouldn't wanna die again, wouldja?

No. :|

[mr_numbers]

[ What the hell. What kind of social skills are those, man? Numbers just stares with a furrowed brow.

Note to self, double-check on organ wholeness later on. ]

You're, uh, a pretty high-ranking officer, aren't you? I'm sure that kind of stress in intense.

[ Crazy. He's so not dead. ]

:c okay...............

[jeez]

Chief, yah. The past few days have been pretty intense, what with all the murders and supposed hitmen rollin' into town.

[Bill.

Bill.

Don't try to get sassy with the assassin. It's not going to work. You are literally not capable of it. Go find Molly.]

[hornrims]

Rosaberto's.

[the monotone isn't exactly a glowing recommendation]

[mr_numbers]

[ Who the fuck is this, a long lost member of the Proclaimers? ]

Is that a person or just a place to get food poisoning?

[hornrims]

[Just a humble Bible salesman WHO WOULD WALK 500 MILES]

You said nearest, you didn't say decent. [or even good]

[mr_numbers]

Where would you go?

[ He's gonna go ahead and guess not the transgender, mexican place. ]

[hornrims]

Ever hear of the Titty Twister?