dear_mun | newly made derp

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newly made derp

okay, so, um, hi, there player! ...i guess!
gosh, this is soo weird.
okay so let me see if i get this straight. how this works is that i am like, a part of your mind, i guess? and then i can step out of the page that i come from and then you can put me in places where i can go on adventures and stuff?
huh...

...well, no, i'm not weirded out about it. i mean we've seen a lot of really weird crap with paradox space and i think i was winding up in very weird places along the timeline. so if anything this actually sounds kind of interesting! but...

well, what about my friends? i mean dave and rose and jade and karkat and all the other trolls? i wouldn't be a good friend if they were still in danger!

oh, so there are some of them that are in our situation? cool! then maybe if i were put in a game with everyone this wouldn't be so bad!!

sex games? h-horror? crap, murder too? wow, geez, i hope you aren't planning on sending me to those games? HEY WAIT. if my friends are there then they will definitely need my help! so, um, player... geez, that sounds so weird, but if that's where everybody is then i insist that you send me there this instant! i got to help them!!

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oh hold up
we got a new egbert in our midst
the party is gonna get started real quick in here like oh man
windy nerd all up in our space
blowing up all the skirts and making the girlies scream
fucking amazing man

so hey there new john
whats shakin

hey dave!
long time no see! :D

but yeah this whole being new thing is kind of weird.
because it's not like i'm new new, but more like i'm newly made for this player?
which sounds like shitty game sburb would pull, or maybe a troll?
nah it's too dumb, even for them.

anyways, i suppose the answer to that last question is...

either way dude
youre here and thats pretty cool
like there are other versions of you roaming around here but they dont really seem very active
this place is all lacking of the egbert shenigans man
so good to know we have another one of you strolling on in here

but yeah its all timeline shenanigans to me
i stopped attempting to care about all that myself
just gonna take it that i got others wandering around here that i recognize even if theyre not my particular timeline
any egberts better than no egbert am i right

dont you dare say bacon

aww, but come on, daaaaaave!
(hehehehe)

well, i don't know about all that, but i am pretty glad to be here! my player definitely tries to be active, though i've been told that sometimes gets in the way. but i guess i can relate to that, you know?

though i don't really like the idea of getting thrown into a sex or murder game.
those sound really stupid.

but wait, so there are more than one of me from different part of the timeline sort of like you?
bluuuuuh...
time shenanigans!
even in a weird in-between place like this we just don't seem to find a way to get away from them.

gdi john

i dont know man
sometimes the sex games can be fun
and not even really be entirely focused on sex
i mean the sollux sharing the green room here did a kink meme thing that was like ten tags of smut and then another thirty of him nerding out with the dude
it all depends on where the muns wanna take a thing
the murder stuff not so much but i cant really see you in that kind of thread anyway

tell you what
if you see me around
doesnt matter what kind of meme
you can hit me up and we can have these stupid shenanigans and not have to worry about strangers and shit

and yeah there are versions of all of us
it just depends on who you talk to
theyre not really as visible to eachother as everyone is to any given dave
its really a bit of a cluserfuck of the highest order
not even a clusterfuck really
more like a hivefuck
goddamn hivecomplexfuck making things confusing as shit to the rest of yall
anyway my timelines john isnt around at least
none of them are
its just me
i feel like i should be singing a song about being all alone
all woebetide and shit

sure! so the next time i see you it might be you and it might not, but regardless of who the you is, it's still you and that means you're my friend!

[John, stop.]

no way! call me old fashioned, but to me sex is something that you do when you're not about to die in like a bazillion thousand other ways! and even then it's something you need to do in this deep passionate moment that's spontaneous and filled with hidden subtext! like in pretty woman where richard gere, who is playing a bigshot business guy has sex with julia roberts, who's a hollywood prostitute. only in that scene they totally mean it and...

oh my god i am sounding like karkat, aren't i.

yeah john you really have to get a handle on that
all them fuckin words just kind of piling up
gotta learn to simplify that shit

but really dude sex doesnt have to be this huge life changing thing
it makes you feel good
its good for stress and pain relief
makes you feel better after a hard day if youre with someone you like
doesnt have to be for love
hell it can just be for fun and if you wanna get into it deeper later thats all on you
contrary to popular belief
its not the end all be all
like really dude can you ever see me settling down with anyone
and this isnt even in one of those free birds gotta fly kinda ways
that commitment shit doesnt really work out like people want it to
life aint like the movies
you cant win someone back by dressing up in a fatsuit and impersonating a scottish grandma
or possess whoopie goldberg after youre murdered just to see your girlfriend again
or just sleep with someone and get them pregnant and suddenly step up to be the most kickass dad
though i imagine you could actually do that last one after a minute of panic

anyway
reality john
reality is that sex isnt sacred
its not a bad thing either
and if you find someone that does make it special for you then thats all good for you
but its like the virginity thing
outdated as fuck ideals that have no actual bearing unless you get shit stuck in your head like
oh no suddenly a dick happened in my life
im a whole different person now
shit im not even viable for anyone else
stuck with this person five-ever
nah man
while i can respect you not wanting to just put out to anyone in a meme
it doesnt have to be this big fuckin deal if you did just go like
fuckit
imma get me some ass

i dunno dave
i think if you really wanted to settle down, you could!
and maybe you're right. maybe it's naive and dumb and whatever.
but i think that when it's time to find somebody to care for it will be something really special!

[Which means it's probably a waste of time to try to change his mind, Dave. He's John Egbert promissory noted this shit. Dave would have to become some major movie director before or something ridiculous like that before he starts changing his mind.]

and besides, things are getting way too hot under the collar for that sort of stuff anyway.
but if you don't want settle down and keeping boinking with girls and you want to disagree with me, i mean, it's your life!
you can even with guys, i won't judge!
this is just one of those sort of things we'll just disagree on.
sort of like your love of godawful rap, and my love of movies that are awesome.

nah i dont think its dumb per say
more like you shouldnt restrict yourself based on some ideal
allow good shit to come your way and good shit will come
sometimes from places you dont expect

_{[Unfortunately, Dave's just a photography student/DJ on the side, of the older post-game persuasion]}

yeah i guess if youre still in the thick of shit there really isnt much reason to be thinking about that to begin with
oh man dont be dissing my fly ass rhymes
i mean i havent even done that shit in a minute but still
uncool man
almost as uncool as that whole piss in my apple juice bullshit
im gonna find you and piss in your breakfast over all that

as far as girls or guys is concerned
its really not a concern
i mean i learned a while ago that junk doesnt matter so much as the intellect attached to it
im not just gonna bone everything i see
what do you take me for

Edited (tricksy htmls) 2014-01-25 05:43 (UTC)

wow, do you think it might be some kind of weird coincidence that we're both new and we're both here at about the same time?
this is kinda spooky...
but at the same time maybe it's neat that we get to meet!
as for those games, some of them sound pretty terrible.
even worse than getting tricked into a doomed timeline...
but you know what? you're right (i mean i'm right. ha ha, we're right?) if our friends need help then it might be worth it to scoop them out of trouble! or at least make sure that they have someone to help them through the hard times, right???
i don't know about your mun but i think that if i was in your position i would just make sure to keep them from losing track of what's important...
unless they are looking at games where trouble doesn't figure in, but it doesn't sound that way.
are there really a lot of our friends in a lot of bad games??? my mun has not had time to look around yet.
now you have me worrying too!

oh gee, i don't know. maybe the biggest dumbass i ever had the pleasure of knowing!
it's like.
dumbassception all up in here!

Edited 2014-01-25 06:09 (UTC)

but yeah, man! those rhymes were sick!
and by sick, i actually mean like down with the flu!
and it definitely didn't make me look forward to seeing you back again or anything.
i would try imagining your raps and that would actually make the time on the meteor go all the much slower.
and davesprite's rapping didn't get any fresher. or helped.
because there's nothing that compares to a bro's ill jams.

[reverse psychology. is it working? :B]

oh wow.
i mean i know dave just told me there were more than one of us. but seeing the real me definitely makes it more real.
but i suppose that's the point.

i'm not sure either, though!
my player told me that there are a lot of our friends.
and trying to keep track of them all is really sort of annoying and headache inducing!
so it sounds like a lot of work to try to help them all.
but i guess that's where two of me is a good thing, huh?

yeah you're probably right john! ha ha, this will never get old.

hey, i have a bad feeling about this...

Edited 2014-01-25 06:20 (UTC)

but... what happens if we split up to cover more ground?

i think you're right too, john! finally somebody that i can agree with 100%! (hahahaha)

i was sort of implying that! because if there is two of us trying to help our friends then that means we'll be twice as likely to succeed!
and nobody can argue with that logic!

hmmmmmmmm...
well, on the one hand whenever a team splits up, someone usually dies.
but on the other hand you know what bill murray says about doing more damage!

so unless one of us is a REALLY doomed john then maybe we can't lose!

SUP JOHNNY BOY
welcome to meta space
which is somehow weirder yet more normal than paradox space
could not tell u how that works out
but cant deny the exp

careful with where u go tho dude
like there r our peeps everywhere fucking where
there are other johns about to help u out
me too even if its just one or mb two games ~_^
but srsly dont run yourself into the ground
metaspace is fucking huge

i don't know!
but you know something tells me that the rules of this place doesn't fit the rules of the medium.
and i don't think that is just wishful thinking!
but if multiple mes and johns and daves and jades can be running around, then i figure that we are probably not doomed...
...maybe... the same but from different times?
ugh, this is not my area, stupid time shenanigans.

oh man, but--!
if you're you and i'm me, than that means i'm not you, even though i am.
i mean we have the same experiences and abilities but i'm not actually standing where you're standing looking at me.
unless i will eventually, i think dave mentioned something about that once?
but if that never happens. if we really are two separate people, then that means that if you were to go to help people, you'd be putting yourself in danger too!!

[The messiah complex hits.]

hi roxy!
haha thanks, i feel sooooo welcomed! :B

you know it's kind of strange not seeing you in your thief outfit.
which i guess is rogue since thieves already have their own outfits?
but still you looked all cool and ready to make like a bandit and split.

[You're rambling, John. You don't want to make her bored like last time.]

Edited 2014-01-25 15:41 (UTC)

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newly made derp

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3/3 he is such an expressive derp...

He's the cutest. Dave's expressive(ish), but it's hard to find all the icons necessary for him.

1/3 he's expressive for monoface :3c

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And here we have Dave, Daveing his heart out about dicks.

a speech for the ages

Re: a speech for the ages

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1/2 i capped on reflex :D;;

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