Canon is "The World's End" of the Cornetto Trilogy

[this_corrosion]

We're going where?

That's ridiculous. I love it.

[The skinny man in the trenchcoat grins, leans forward.]

So! What's my deal going to be? Newton Haven restored? Put the top of O-man's head back on?

[...then the grin vanishes into a disbelieving squint.]

...An inmate. Naaah, I don't think I want that.

Comments

[fire_punk]

It's not that bad.

[this_corrosion]

Ey, speak for yourself. Prison's miserable.

[fire_punk]

Not this one. I've never been to any other.

[this_corrosion]

Yeah, I'd hope not. You like having some cosmic prick tell you how to run your own life? Never been one of my goals, personally.

[fire_punk]

It's not like that. The Admiral doesn't really get to involved most of the time.

[this_corrosion]

He's running the place, how can he not be involved? He decides who stays and goes.

[fire_punk]

Yeah, and he pairs inmates and wardens but for the every day stuff, he doesn't get involved.

[this_corrosion]

I don't want a cosmically assigned prick telling me how to run my life either! It's a shit life, yeah, but it's mine.

[fire_punk]

Most of them don't. Not about every little thing, anyway. Not unless you go around killing people.

[this_corrosion]

....That something that happens a lot?

[fire_punk]

Not a lot but it does happen. But, yeah, if you do that, your warden will really tell you what to do.

[this_corrosion]

Oh, there goes my to-do list for tomorrow, then. Looks like I freed up all that time I was going to use for murdering.

[fire_punk]

Look, I didn't say I thought you were planning to.

[this_corrosion]

Is this one of those situations where I have to pretend I'm a murderer so that the other fucking murderers won't come after me?

I don't think a deal is worth this, if I'm being honest.

[fire_punk]

That would be a really bad idea. Most inmates will leave you alone unless you do something really bad.

It's not really up to us, though.

[this_corrosion]

What, they don't want the competition?

[fire_punk]

More like most of them don't want to have to worry about getting killed or their friends getting killed.

[this_corrosion]

[Fuck this, he's going to flail.]

Well maybe they should have reconsidered their careers as fucking murderers, then!

[fire_punk]

They aren't all. And some of the ones who are didn't have much choice.

[this_corrosion]

Choice! It's "murder" and "don't murder." The second one's not hard, I do it every day!

[fire_punk]

It is hard when there's someone telling you "kill him or I'll kill you."

[this_corrosion]

[Gary takes like half a second to consider this, which for him is a long time.]

...Bad luck for the other fucker, isn't it?

[fire_punk]

Pretty much, yeah.

[crownless]

Prison? Well, shit, that's gonna suck.

I got a friend over there, though-- tell her I said hi, all right? Name's Mal: black hair, looks like a dude, gigantic douchebag, scary as all hell. You'll know her when you see her.

[deshabille]

Rude.

[crownless]

But true.

[hi mal hi hi hi]

[deshabille]

And yet still rude. It's a wonder I even talk to you, rude as you are.

[HEY TRAVIS 8D]

[crownless]

It's my roguish charms, I bet. You're hopelessly entertained by me.

[not in the way you're thinking, travis.]

[deshabille]

. . . No.

[Really no.]

[crownless]

Not even a little?

[let him pretend to be cool, mal]

[this_corrosion]

Hey, this isn't a foregone conclusion, you know. I don't think fucking space rehab is going to do me or anyone else any good.

... She doesn't look that scary.

[deshabille]

See? I'm not scary at all. I'm adorable.

[crownless]

Adorable like a kitten goin' for the jugular, yeah.

[crownless]

Trust me, man: if they think it's entertaining they'll ship you off anyways.

She is.

[this_corrosion]

She likes me, though. Come on, help me talk her out of it. I'd be be great as a warden.

[No he wouldn't.]

Aw, come on.

[crownless]

Hey, I'm already on thin ice with mine! I'm not busting my ass for a stranger when I'm this close to getting killed as is. [even if they're played by simon pegg. it's a miracle he hasn't begged for an autograph yet.]

Take your chances if you wanna.

[this_corrosion]

Oh, thanks. I don't at all, actually.