Strider Shenanigans

[inscrutableirony]

If I had known that meeting my alt-bro would be like this I wouldn't have been so anxious to meet him.
Not that there's anything wrong with Sir Mix-a-Lot.
We both know he's a classic.
And Dave has a point in that we can both appreciate a fine ass.
But there's no need to rap about it.
There's a difference between being ironic and being tacky and he doesn't get it.

Comments

[extravagantbitch]

WHAT.
NO.
YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE BEEN. *RAPPING*. ABOUT ASSES.
INSTEAD. YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN DISCUSSING.
YOUR WONDERFUL SHARED TASTE.
IN PUPPETS.
OTHERWISE. ANY CONVERSATION BETWEEN YOU. RESULTS IN.
"IRONY". OR SOME SIMILAR ABOMINATION.

[inscrutableirony]

From what I hear you're also into the rear.
But sure, we could do puppet rap.
Get a few dozen smuppets up in there to represent.
Maybe some wooden puppets too for more action.
It won't be the same without Lil Cal, because Lil Cal is the shit.
But we'll make it work.

[extravagantbitch]

EXCELLENT.
YOU AND THE ALPHA MALE. WILL BE MY ENTERTAINMENT.
ONCE I HAVE KILLED EVERYONE. I MAY LEAVE YOU ALIVE.
IF ONLY. FOR PUPPET RAP.

[inscrutableirony]

The alpha male?
Is that what you're calling Dave now?
Anyway, the puppet rap will be bitchin.
We'll break it down with puppets flying all over the place.
And maybe breakdancing.
You know you wanna see their foamy asses twirl across the hardwoods floors.
Like that's legit as shit.

[extravagantbitch]

IN TIME. YOU TOO WILL REFER TO HIM AS.
*THE ALPHA MALE*.
FOR THAT IS. HIS ROLE.
PARTICULARLY. AMONG THE BITCHES.
NOW THEN. I EXPECT THIS PUPPET RAP TO BE.
"IRONIC".

[inscrutableirony]

Whatever.
You're making him sound like a wolf or something.
Are you into alpha and omega shit?
Not my kink, but I don't judge.
Of course the puppet rap will be ironic.
Puppet rap is about as ironic as it gets.
Nothing says irony like tons of foam ass in a rap video.
Maybe we can even make them twerk.
It'd work pretty well with the smuppets.
They've got a lot of rump to shake.

[extravagantbitch]

YES. I WILL SEE THEIR TERRIBLE PUPPET ASSES.
*TWERKING*.
IT WILL BE. THE WORST THING EVER.
BUT ALSO. AT THE SAME TIME.
THE BEST THING EVER.

[inscrutableirony]

That is exactly the point.
Wow, you're finally starting to understand irony.
Congratulations, I guess.
I could probably dress one up as Miley Cyrus, but I think that'd be taking it too far.
I'm not sure how well latex would work on foam anyway.
I'd hate to confine a plush rump in something so tacky.

[extravagantbitch]

WHAT.
YES.
FINALLY.
I KNEW THAT. EVENTUALLY. I WOULD UNDERSTAND. THE IRONY.
HA HA HA. HA HA HA HA. HA.
THIS IS CLEARLY. AN IMPORTANT DAY.
ALSO.
WHAT THE FUCK. IS A.
"MILEY CYRUS".

[inscrutableirony]

Miley Cyrus was a pop star back in Jake's time.
Whole lot of controversy over her twerking, mostly because people were idiots.
You probably would've enjoyed it though.
There was a substantial portion of her ass exposed.
Though, if you really want a rump that puts a hefty dent in paradox space you might wanna go with someone who's got more back.
Maybe Beyonce or...
You know what? Female pop stars aren't my specialty.
If you wanted a guy who's got back I could suggest a dozen.

[extravagantbitch]

I SEE.
I HAVE COME UP WITH. AN EXCELLENT PLAN.
AS SOON AS I GROW OLD. AND BECOME.
*FUCKING AWESOME*.
I WILL TRAVEL THROUGH TIME.
AND APPREHEND. THIS "MILEY CYRUS".
AT WHICH POINT.
I WILL FORCE HER.
TO TWERK FOR ETERNITY.
IT WILL BE HORRIBLE.
AND I WILL NOT. ACTUALLY WATCH.
BUT HER SUFFERING. WILL AMUSE ME.

[inscrutableirony]

Oh fuck.
That would be horrible.
This is your shittiest twist yet.
I feel sorry for all the people who'd have to watch.
And for her too I guess.
It's hard to say what's worse, death by twerking or death by watching her twerk.
Don't do it man.
It'd be the end of the civilization as we know it.
I don't think you even realize how legitimately awful that would be.

[extravagantbitch]

YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND.
I AM FULLY AWARE. OF HOW AWFUL IT WOULD BE.
AND THAT. IS WHY I DO IT.
BECAUSE. IT IS TERRIBLE.
AND BRINGS ABOUT. THE END OF CIVILIZATION.
WHICH IS. PRECISELY WHAT I WILL EVENTUALLY DO.

[inscrutableirony]

I guess there could be worse ways for the world to end.
At least some people will enjoy it.
It's pretty damn awful, but it's probably not the worst thing you could do.
I'm not even sure it warrants the word terrible.
It's horrible from a social perspective, and for the sheer amount of brain hemorrhaging it'd induce in the audience, but the word terrible connotes something far more more devastating.

[extravagantbitch]

WHAT.
NO.
I HAVE CHANGED. MY MIND.
DESTROYING EVERYTHING. CANNOT MAKE PEOPLE.
"HAPPYUUGHAUHGHA".
IT IS NOT FUCKING RIGHT.
TELL ME THEN. DIRK.
WHAT IS THE MOST HORRIBLE WAY. FOR THE WORLD TO END?

[inscrutableirony]

It'd make some guys happy.
Bunch of straight dudes would die with huge grins on their faces.
Still a pretty horrible way to die if you ask me.
If you want to avoid pleasing anyone I'd suggest a method that doesn't involve people dancing in skimpy clothing.
I don't know what your race is like, but humans are always thinking about reproduction.
If you put an attractive human of any sort in tight clothes it's guaranteed to get some people off.

[extravagantbitch]

VERY WELL.
I WILL. REVERSE IT.
INSTEAD OF PUTTING AN. ATTRACTIVE. HUMAN IN TIGHT CLOTHES.
I WILL PUT AN. UNATTRACTIVE HUMAN. IN TIGHT CLOTHES.
AND ALSO.
FORCE HIM. OR HER. TO TWERK.
FOR ALL ETERNITY.

[inscrutableirony]

That won't work either.
The problem is that different people find different things attractive, so no matter who you force to twerk someone will think it's hot.
You want to use someone who's fat? You wouldn't believe how many people are into that.
How about someone who's old? We've got plenty of grandma and grandpa porn.
You could probably even use amputees because some people have a fetish for it.
You'd want an amputee who's lost a hand or an arm though. Kinda difficult to twerk if you don't have legs.
Unless they have a prosthetic leg.
I've heard some of the latest models can really get around.
Might even put some extra shake in that ass.

[extravagantbitch]

....
NOW I UNDERSTAND. WHY I WANT TO DESTROY HUMANS.
THAT IS TERRIBLE. ON ALL LEVELS.
SERIOUSLY.
WHAT THE FUCK?????

[inscrutableirony]

I thought you'd be glad, seeing as you're rocking a robot leg yourself.
There are probably some people who'd think you're hot even though you're an alien skull monster.
Bet you could even get a date if you wanted to.
Some girls would think the golden tooth is hot.

[sendificated]

I don't know what you are talking about, Dirk.
There is always a need to rap about a good donk.

[inscrutableirony]

I'm talking about people with no taste.
Or in your case, non-human entities with no taste.