imusntrunaway: (08)
shinji, you fucker ([personal profile] imusntrunaway) wrote in [community profile] dear_mun2013-01-01 09:57 pm

submitted app to [community profile] exsilium!

I don't care.

...

It doesn't matter where I go. Here, there. It's all the same. I'll be used by others and I'll hurt others. It doesn't matter if Asuka or Kaworu will be there. I'll hurt them, too. That's all... that's all I do.

Why do you bother asking? You don't care about me. It's already done. And I deserve this.
the17th: (but i like my full body white tattoo)

[personal profile] the17th 2013-01-02 11:07 pm (UTC)(link)
...You brood an awful lot, don't you?
the17th: <lj user="thanoodles"> (reis blood stains may be kawaii)

[personal profile] the17th 2013-01-03 02:06 am (UTC)(link)
Well, why wouldn't you be?

Maybe it would do you better to be more expressive. You always keep your sadness inwards.

[there's thinly veiled bitterness. A+ teenagers]
the17th: (did you know when you die you shit)

[personal profile] the17th 2013-01-03 02:20 am (UTC)(link)
[Kaworu seems to perk up.]

Do you really care about not burdening me? Hurting me?
the17th: (you like my tat i did it myself)

[personal profile] the17th 2013-01-03 02:36 am (UTC)(link)
[it's weird how it stings and coils in his chest, though he'd never desire to truly be a human. but he's finding himself stuck to the unpleasant particulars of being human, like vying for things like this, and hurting without it.

the flawed, false individuality that craves validation through oneness with another person and how precious that pain becomes.]


You're too passive to ever want to hurt someone.

Your sadness isn't a burden to me—your silence makes me suffer more than whatever's bothering you... But I'm not the sort of person you would confide in, am I?
the17th: (hey baby wanna end the world sometime)

[personal profile] the17th 2013-01-03 02:45 am (UTC)(link)
[Kaworu's more amused than wounded, so he laughs, genuinely tickled.]

Oh, things like death don't mean anything in a place like this.

Look, I can even touch you.

[I hope Shinji cherished his personal space, because Kaworu is skimming his palm against his cheek, his eyes alert and curious as he watches his face.]

And I'm warm and breathing, just like you.
the17th: (deeply unimpressed with your bullshit rn)

[personal profile] the17th 2013-01-03 02:58 am (UTC)(link)
[Kaworu remembers the confrontation with the Shinji he knew (though he doesn't exactly understand this is not the same Shinji) at the shore, and how Shinji pleaded for Kaworu to release Shinji's shirt. he'd grasped it in selfish desperation. maybe this wasn't so different.

Kaworu lets his hand fall, grudgingly respecting Shinji's request, but he doesn't know how to reconcile his feelings; he's angry, and sad.]


It's not because you think I'm dead that you would never confide in me.
the17th: STOP LOOKING AT OTHER GIRLS (NO. i am the prom queen)

[personal profile] the17th 2013-01-03 09:41 am (UTC)(link)
You aren't afraid of The First. Why are you afraid of me?

I even surrendered my life to you.
the17th: (we all just cry the same old tear)

LMAO OOPS i did the first post at work and i thought it didn't send!! disregard my doublepost.

[personal profile] the17th 2013-01-03 07:59 pm (UTC)(link)
[Kaworu blinks. Shinji's right; Kaworu doesn't understand things like life and death, not as a person should.]

You didn't refuse me.

It was either my life or yours, as well as the lives of everyone you know.
Edited 2013-01-03 21:46 (UTC)
the17th: (so can you pee in the LCL chamber?)

1/2

[personal profile] the17th 2013-01-04 01:41 am (UTC)(link)
[a remarkably stupid blink, and his shoulders sag, unsure of how to process it. is he cruel? he hasn't any context for what makes a cruel person.]
the17th: (did you know when you die you shit)

[personal profile] the17th 2013-01-04 01:48 am (UTC)(link)
...Then it's for the best that you destroyed me.
the17th: (dammit how did that commercial go)

[personal profile] the17th 2013-01-04 02:06 am (UTC)(link)
[I KNOW, HE REALLY SUCKS AT THIS GAME...]

I don't understand you, either. I could say you're cruel as well, Shinji. But what does that matter?

I guess I stopped understanding myself, anyway... Being around you hurts me, but I starve for your company. I never knew something so mundane could be so stressful. It's no wonder humans are so miserable.

I resent this vessel.
the17th: (why sulk when you can s my d?)

[personal profile] the17th 2013-01-04 02:55 am (UTC)(link)
Humans—?

I'm quite fond of them. They're so interesting. I feel like I'm always learning something new, but no one likes it. That is to say, they don't like me.

So maybe I do resent them a little bit for that reason. But that's nothing unusual.
the17th: (deeply unimpressed with your bullshit rn)

[personal profile] the17th 2013-01-04 09:54 am (UTC)(link)
...No, not just that. You're more than other people. You're the most important.

That's why I feel terrible inside.

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