musing on recent(ish) drop & missing.

[couldbeavoided]

I hope you know what you want is impossible.

I don't deserve any of their forgiveness, and I don't think I've earned the right to another chance, either. I made a lot of promises. They trusted me and I lied when I said I was better. You shouldn't--

...

I don't even know how many people that I... that he... I let them all down.

What kind of hero can't win against his own villain?

Comments

[professorlionface]

Not all villains are created equal. Certainly, we'd like to think we can always prevail despite how the odds are stacked against us, but circumstances conspire against us.

I'm sorry I couldn't have done more.

[couldbeavoided]

Don't be sorry. I'm the one that should have done more.

[professorlionface]

Perhaps, but we could have paid better attention. We should have realized something was wrong sooner.

[couldbeavoided]

I don't know what you could have done. [ A pause. ] I can't rely on other people for help with this... this problem.

[professorlionface]

I don't know. I could have been a better friend, perhaps. Offered my support, looked into ways to ease the situation peacefully.

You don't have to necessarily rely on us, but you didn't need to suffer it alone, either.

[couldbeavoided]

You were a good friend, Hank. I'm the one who let you down.

[professorlionface]

You're also the one who suffered for it.

[couldbeavoided]

A long time ago--

[ He pauses. ]

I asked someone if they would kill me, if I lost control. I don't know what would have happened if they hadn't done it.

[professorlionface]

...You mean Bobbi.

[couldbeavoided]

And-- [ The Midnighter, but he isn't sure if Hank knows him. So instead he says: ] Carol, but I should have considered some of them might go home.

[professorlionface]

That can be one of the more unfortunate consequences of the setting. You need to arrange contingencies for your contingencies, in case some pieces are no longer available.

[couldbeavoided]

Sometimes they end up arranging themselves, anyway. Like this time.

[professorlionface]

You'll forgive me if I'm skeptical that it was the best result for all involved. If only we could have prevented it instead...

[couldbeavoided]

I don't know how.

[professorlionface]

And that's the point we'll end up being stuck on, won't it? I suppose it's the problem with retrospective wishing.

[couldbeavoided]

[ Softly: ] You all did all you could, Hank. I really did appreciate it.

[professorlionface]

And you still died. What can anything I'd done really add up to if I couldn't have helped that?

[couldbeavoided]

Because [ ... ] I missed having friends.

[professorlionface]

Well, I'm...I'm glad I could at least help on that front.

[couldbeavoided]

Me too. I never thought I could last two years without Lindy there. [ He means just in general, but. Having her around always helped keep the Void quiet a little more than without. ]

[professorlionface]

We were fortunate to have you for the time we did.

You were a good person, Bob. Despite everything that happened. Never forget that.

[couldbeavoided]

I tried to be.

But I'm still sorry. I can't really make up for what I've done.

[professorlionface]

That's how it so often goes, isn't it? We can spend lifetimes trying to rebalance the scales, and so often do.

I guess...you would know more about that than any of us.