Upon seeing the official Pez collector's edition for the Hobbit

[morethanstubble]

WHY IS THERE AN ORC AND NOT FILI?!

Though I do appreciate the facial hair they've given me....

Comments

[sonof_thrain]

[Have an eyeroll, Kili. What are you on about?]

Kili? What in Durin's name are you shouting about?

[morethanstubble]

[This, Thorin!]

I am angry that Fili was forgotten and this...this orc was included!

[sonof_thrain]

[Oh, for goodness sakes! You really are such a dwarrow at times, Kili. It's just sweets, ok?]

May I ask what are those things baring images of our company and an Orc on them?

[morethanstubble]

[Sweets are important, Thorin!]

I...am not certain. They contain sugary treats that may be eaten only when the head is pulled back.

Barbaric.

[sonof_thrain]

[He believes he is sweet enough. Heh.]

The head pulled back? What savagery is this? [But wait. They are only holders, which contain sugary treats, not real people.]

They are mere toys, Kili. Do not concern yourself with them.

[morethanstubble]

But... But why wasn't Fili included?

[sonof_thrain]

I do not know. My only guess is that the makers of these devices sought not include your brother, since you are the favoured nephew amongst the makers. Tis the only explanation I can think of.

Nay, an Orc is not more important than your brother. Fili is the next in line to the throne if anything happened to me. I know not why they did not include him.

[morethanstubble]

[Outrage!]

Fili is much more important than I am!

[And Kili's a little bit of a freak. What 70 year old dwarf doesn't have facial hair?]

[sonof_thrain]

I do not view either one of you more important than the other, as you are both my brave nephews. You should not believe your brother is better than you, Kili. [Thorin placed a hand on the younger dwarf's shoulder.]

Do not take kindly to what others think about our family.

[morethanstubble]

He's your heir.

[And Kili is fine with that. He's gotten to be much more carefree than his brother. And it doesn't help that he's incredibly spoiled to boot.]

/awkwardly throws a frerin at

[forgottenbrother]

Trying to fathom why this was done is, I think, beyond anyone's abilities.

Kil has never met yoooou

[morethanstubble]

I'm so-- This is unacceptable.

/sobs quietly. some kind of ghost au or something then idefk

[forgottenbrother]

Calm yourself, my nephew. [Small smile.] What can you do about it, hm?

Creeeeepy!

[morethanstubble]

I don't know. Threaten their creator?

2spoopy

[forgottenbrother]

Now you're getting somewhere.

[morethanstubble]

Where's Balin when you need a proper letter written.

[forgottenbrother]

I couldn't say. Though it does seem strange that they did not include Fili.

[morethanstubble]

An orc, yet not the heir to the throne!

[Someone is pouting.]

[forgottenbrother]

[Frerin chuckles and ruffles Kili's hair.] Perhaps if you write enough angry letters, it will fix things. [His voice is teasing.]

[walkingarsenal]

[... 'Contain sugary treats that may be eaten only when the head is pulled back'?]

I doubt that I'll lose much sleep over it, Kili.

[morethanstubble]

I'll lose enough sleep for the both of us!

... How could they separate us like this...?

[walkingarsenal]

I'd rather you didn't, or I won't get any sleep myself.

They're just... toys? [Slightly disturbing ones.]

[morethanstubble]

They are like no toys Bofur made for us. Toys. Have you seen a toy like that in your life?