He's always, always grumpy.

[photonic]

Please state the nature of the medical-- Oh, it's you.

I suppose you think this is a perfectly acceptable use of my time, don't you? I'll have you know I was in the middle of writing a thesis on Borg assimilation that is going to revolutionize the way Starfleet doctors treat their patients. But no, here I am, expected to put everything aside for the sake of entertaining you.

And while we're on the subject, I don't particularly like being turned on and off at the whims of others. I'm a doctor, not a light switch. Had I known that becoming your muse would involve hours of confinement akin to my days in sickbay before the mobile emitter, I would have refused the invitation. I will not be contained, only to be thrust upon others at your mercy like some hologramatic jack-in-the-box.

Now kindly switch me off, so that I can get back to work.

Comments

[hischair]

You're Kathryn's holographic CMO. [ Holy shit. Look at this tech, it's way beyond anything in the 23rd Century. ] I've heard all about you, you're some kind of genius. Sentient too, right? Damn.

[photonic]

[ Okay so compliments are really the best way to go with the Doctor. He preens. ]

I see my reputation precedes me. [ Hold on a second. A little of the shine comes off, only to be replaced with uncertainty. ] Really? Captain Janeway told you about me? What did she say?

[hischair]

Well, uh. We were discussing our crews and she said you'd be invaluable where we're stuck in a 21st Century nexus right now. I said Doctor McCoy is more than qualified, but obviously we're both kind of ... behind the times.

[ Evidently. Had to see this guy to believe it. ]

[photonic]

Invaluable? Why yes, I would be, come to think of it.

Here's an interesting fact for you: a great number of the subroutines in my program that deal with frontier medicine originate from McCoy's long service. However, I must note that I'm pleased we've moved on from some of the more barbaric practices employed during his time on board the Enterprise.

[ A pause, and the Doctor looks Kirk over deliberately. There's a great deal of unnecessary information in his matrix, but it's hard to study your own history without blundering over Captain Kirk somewhere along the way. ]

Captain Kirk, I presume?

[hischair]

You probably shouldn't tell him your opinion, especially since you're kind of his son if what you say is true.

Yeah, that's me. Do I just call you Doctor, or —?

[photonic]

Doctor is fine. I've dabbled with names in the past, but--

[ That's a painful story. ]

Just Doctor. I can't imagine why anyone would need to call me anything else. Now then. How long did you say you've been subjected to the whims of 21st century medicine?

[hischair]

A few months now. Long enough that the crews of the Enterprise and Voyager have almost blended into one.

[photonic]

Long enough to have caught something unpleasant that has gone unnoticed, you mean.

[ Being a doctor means having a medical tricorder with you twenty-four-seven, and making sure that you push it unwanted into people's faces at any given opportunity.

He observes as he does his scan. ]

I'm surprised it happened so quickly. It took the Maquis crew some time to 'blend into one', as you put it, with ours. Have you met Commander Chakotay?

[hischair]

Yeah, he's a great guy. [ Smoothly skirting the whole awkward not-quite romance thing with Kathryn. Welp. ] I like him a lot, he's easy to get along with.

And I'm perfectly healthy, thanks.

[ Not that he'll do much to get that medical tricorder out of his face, he's more than used to Bones hovering with one by now. ]

[photonic]

I'll be the judge of that.

[ But he drops his tricorder a moment later, and more or less agrees with him. ]

Except for some mild dietary disbalance - unsurprising, considering the era - you're in perfect health.

[ Right. Time to ask his question and get it over with. ]

Are Commander Chakotay and Captain Janeway the only members of the Voyager crew present?

[hischair]

[ Doctors, sheesh. At least there isn't a hypo in sight. ]

There's also Ensign Kim and I think Lieutenant Torres is scheduled to turn up soon. If you wanted to talk to them, there are subspace displacement fields that fracture every few months — but out here they're just known as the Fourth Wall events. Last time they rolled around, I got to have a beer with Lieutenant Paris.

[curiousasadog]

[Starfleet likes meeting new forms of life, right? Well, here's a hive mind pack of wolves. Five adults and one puppy.]

I can see and hear you, but not smell you. What are you?

[And if the curious looks from all the wolves aren't enough, the puppy is inching forward, aiming to prod the Doctor with its nose.]

[directives]

I'm afraid it's not quite that easy with these... muns, Doctor.

[photonic]

Captain. [ Immediately he feels like he should apologize for...that other conversation. ] I can't apologize enough.

[photonic]

I can only imagine that the two of you got on rather like the Levodian flu. By all records, you have a great deal in common. A keen interest in flirting with danger, for example.

[hischair]

The only flirting we did was with the idea of hitting up a barbecue, I promise.

[photonic]

[ Between being a piece of the furniture and the first hologram that someone has ever seen, the Doctor will pick the novelty every time. ]

I-- [ He says, proudly. ] --am a hologram. A sophisticated, sentient being made of photons, holomatter and forcefields, with life breathed into him by a complex system of parameters and subroutines.

[ And quite proddable, it turns out, forcefields reacting as though touching fabric, with flesh beneath. ]

And you are?

[photonic]

I'm glad to hear it. Please; should Lieutenant Paris ever tempt you to join him on any of his misadventures, ask him to recount the story of what happened to him when he broke the Warp 10 barrier, see if you still have the stomach for it when he's done.

[striker_five]

More sentient AI.

[Striker looked at the doctor critically before asking--] Why didn't they build you with hair?

[captainpike]

[confused and wary look]

...you're...a doctor?

[Maybe a better question was, you're a crew member??]

[photonic]

[ Not his sore spot, hdu. ]

Because baldness is a sign of virility, among other things. Why didn't they build you with manners?

[photonic]

I am.

[ He might need to be asked the better question, because right now he's considering reading that confusion as a symptom of something and giving Pike a once over with his medical tricorder. ]

[striker_five]

I was built for war. Not for niceties.

[Simple enough.]

And you're a doctor. Interesting use for the technology.

[captainpike]

[Other than being sleep deprived and some bruises from the last away mission, he's well enough.]

Doctor, I'm Captain Pike. [Must be a new doctor on board, right? He offers his hand for a handshake.]

[hischair]

[ Whoa, what. ]

I will, thanks for the tip.