dear_mun | s1 arthur sob | casually eyeing exitvoid. maybe.

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canon: merlin

s1 arthur sob | casually eyeing exitvoid. maybe.

Considering how long it's been I'm not sure this is the greatest idea. And believe me, I've seen a fair few of bad ones, particularly since Merlin started working for me.

Honestly I'm not even sure I trust you with this much, considering the last time you had the wild idea to send me off it was to a barren wasteland filled with monsters. The fact it turned out fair enough really had little to do with you and more with Queen Zelda and Malfoy and his lot. As far as I remember you made life as horribly difficult for me as possible, and judging from the sound of things this looks about the same.

So forgive me if I'm less than enthused.

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Well, you know, trust is a pretty strong word where they're involved. Especially when they've got options to consider, and anything you might want to ignore...

But, I don't know. It's an opportunity too, right? I mean, there are definitely people you couldn't have met otherwise. And there were a lot of people there that made things almost bearable.

That's a rather small consolation.

Sometimes it's gotta be the little things. It's easy to get overwhelmed with the big problems, and everything, but the little things can carry you pretty far.

You always were one of the rather positive ones.

Well, I had a lot of cause to be. I mean, yeah, scary place, but I don't think I've ever met so many different people, or seen people work so hard to stay together.

And given the option you would do it all over again?

That's a commitment and a half, right there. But honestly, yeah, I think I would.

I mean, I know there's danger involved, and a lot of heartache, but I'd rather grasp at the stars then keep my eyes on the ground, you know?

[ he smiles, maybe a little fondly ]

I couldn't say the same.

Probably makes you the smarter one, in any case.

[ he corrects: ]

Responsibility.

Oh, well. Yeah. I don't really have a kingdom to see to, so I guess it's not something I think about as much.

God forbid the great King Arthur go through difficulty.

[ his brows shoot up, but despite appearances Arthur just assumes she's in a terrible mood; she can be kind of a brat sometimes ]

My God Morgana, wake up on the wrong side of the bed did you?

[Look at his dumb baby face, she just hates it so much. Like a brat. But a sort of murderous brat now ty canon???]

What bed is that, the one in Camelot, or in the hovel you banished me to, or in Ismere?

[Facts are totally fluid at this point.]

Banished?

[ his expression folds into confusion and a touch of concern ]

Morgana are you feeling alright?

[Stop that it's very confusing. She's quite comfortable with her usual angry scowl.]

I'm beginning to wonder if you've hit your head lately.

Not lately.

[ that part is a bit wry, but he honestly looks like he's about to reach out to her ]

You don't seem yourself.

[Which is really starting to unnerve her. This isn't how it's supposed to be. (Or maybe yes this is exactly how it's supposed to be BUT GOOD LUCK getting her to admit that.)]

I can't remember when you last knew me well enough to say so.

[ now it's Arthur's turn to look a little offended. ]

I'd like to think we aren't that estranged.

Edited 2013-10-26 03:57 (UTC)

[There, that's better. Now he just needs to look hurt, and it'll be back to normal.]

Have you lost your mind? [She'd be sympathetic. A little. Maybe.]

[ no he just looks pretty confused. ]

Not last I checked. Really Morgana, what's going on? Have you seen Gaius?

Edited 2013-10-26 05:27 (UTC)

Gaius.

[She sounds like she finds that suggestion hysterical but also intensely appalling. Screw Gaius and his sleeping drafts!!]

Gaius never helped me a day in my life. Have you forgotten the last six years? [Give or take. Who even keeps track.]

[ he blinks at her, because in the last six years he's only known Gaius to help her and for a whole host of outrageous events to happen in the last one. ]

I don't follow.

You have lost your mind. [She could leave it there. She could let it go.

Morgana is really bad at letting go. But she's pretty great at being cruel.] It's a wonder anyone follows you. Has your mind gone as soft as Uther's?

[ his frown deepens, then, and he chastises her appropriately; for in his time, her malevolence is not so deep toward Uther as it becomes ]

Uther is king, Morgana.

[In his time, a part of her still loved Uther like the father he'd refused to be to her. Now, for her, everything's become so twisted. She hardly remembers what those days were like.]

Uther is dead.

[ what. what. no. unacceptable. he stares for a long moment before deciding this isn't a thing that can really be happening and falls back on the familiar. ]

Your nightmares must be truly deep as of late.

[ this time he really does reach out like he's going to touch her forehead. ]

Nightm--

[What starts out as a laugh cuts off when he reaches out. She grabs for his wrist, half wanting to knock him away, half intent on digging her fingers into his bones.]

Our father's death was a dream finally coming true.

[ it catches him off guard which is likely one of the reasons she gets a grip on him at all. he doesn't jerk away, despite the tightness of her grip, because he's convinced she must be having some kind of fit. it wouldn't be the first time. ]

I know you've had your differences but you can't mean that.

[She holds tight, but it's not the desperate grip of a girl lost in dreams; she's a woman intent on hurting him. She's grown up.]

You really have no idea.

[Peeking out from under the lace of her sleeve are chafing scars across her wrist, still red from the years she spent chained to a wall.] You're practically still a child.

[ he scowls at that, because he may be many things but ]

I'm not a child.

[ and when he pulls he catches a glimpse of her wrist, which startles him even further, and instead of finishing the motion he pushes her sleeve up with his free hand.

he understands the system. understands that most are chained into the cells as criminals, and knows that Morgana had been falsely accused and held down there. but spending time as he had in World's End he'd learned a thing or two about compassion. ]

What is this?

Don't-- [It's proof of her failure, it's madness etched into her skin. She pulls away sharply, brow creased in a glare. She never used to look at him like this, like all she lives for is his death.]

You remember the Sarrum of Amata, don't you? [She says his name like the foulest curse, tugs her sleeve back down.]

He buried me in the dark. And you had peace.

[At some point in the pit, she deluded herself into believing that he would rescue her, even though he had no reason to. But he never came, and she hates him for it.]

[ it's the way she yanks away from him, as though she's been burned— the look on her face that reminds him of how some of the sorcerers would look upon Uther and by extent, Arthur himself.

whatever this is, whatever happened—

he swore to himself, in World's End, he'd never be that man. and that is reason enough why he steps forward instead of letting her bitter words send him back. ]

I would never let that happen.

[There is, for a brief moment, something like confusion in her eyes. Why is he coming closer - why is he making promises he knows he'll break. In the end, her anger ousts the rest.

She leans forward, a snarl twisting her mouth. The light in her eyes speaks more of madness than anything else.]

Would you swear it Arthur? [She holds out her arms between them, fists clenched, wrists up.] Do you promise not to let me rot in the dark?

[It's too late. It's always been too late.]

[ he's seen this madness, the kind that causes wars, but it's Morgana. they grew up together, they would run through the field and she would best him at swordsmanship and they would banter their dislike at galas. he can't comprehend what could have possibly happened to turn her into this hateful creature. somewhere, in some world, he has failed her as a brother and a king.

he closes his hands around her wrists, covers the scars with his palms. he won't be that person. ]

I swear it. On my crown.

[This isn't how it's supposed to be. He ought to be afraid of her. He ought to back away, not - not notice when she's been so alone for so long that she doesn't know how to lean on people anymore.

She digs her nails into her palms and clenches her jaw. She will not cry. Not in front of him.]

You don't even know what I am.

[ he's never been particularly good at an emotional confrontation; faced with Morgana's tears he's always been at a loss as to how to handle it— there were those better suited. there was Guinevere. but learning how to field a world where sorcerers and magic ruled, where emotion was regularly used as a weapon against them, he's learned a thing or two. he doesn't pull her closer, nor does he release the grounding hold on her wrists, but he looks her in the face unflinchingly. ]

Whatever you might be doesn't change who you are.

[ something that, fresh out of Camelot, Arthur never would have said. ]

[It's nothing the Arthur she knows would say. It won't parse, it won't make sense.]

You've changed.

[She has to laugh at that, because of course he must think she has too. But he doesn't know. He wouldn't keep touching her if he knew.

One of her hands uncurls, and she holds his gaze as the color of her eyes warms. Gold catches in her irises.] Leoht.

[A ball of light springs to love in her palm. She doesn't cry. But her eyes sting.]

[ he would say as have you, but the words never quite make it passed the thought. the light flares alive in her hand and Arthur lets her go with a jerk— though it comes as the reaction as one might flinch away from fire.

but he falls quiet as he watches it coil in her palm.

to his knowledge, one is born a sorcerer. it was the same with Malfoy, Potter, the Queen.

has she lied about it, their entire childhood? he doesn't look back into her face, but his brow furrows, conflicted, confused. ]

[There - that is the reaction she expected, the one she knew had to come. He lets her go and she steps back, puts the chasm back between them. As it should be.

There is no heat, and she doesn't burn: the light floats above her skin, doing nothing more than illuminate. It flickers shadows across both their faces, shows his creased brow, and she lifts her chin, knowing he must be questioning everything, relearning how to hate her.]

Would you still swear?

[She doesn't want to hear his answer, she realizes; her stomach twists, and abruptly she closes her fist around the light, extinguishing it. She doesn't want to see.]

[ there's a muted sense of betrayal there, this idea that she could have lied to him this whole time. that she was keeping her magic secret in the wake of the death penalty. but even that seems such a stretch— would she not have done something sooner, with that kind of power? living in the castle with the king.

he recalls finding out the secrets all those around him had been keeping. that in discovering it hadn't changed that they fought with one another to survive. could it really be so different with Morgana?

when his gaze lifts, he watches her haunted face, knows that maybe it is too late for them. for her. but if he is from another time and place, he won't let the woman he knows turn into this. ]

Yes.

[Sometimes fate can't be avoided. Morgana has spent her whole life hurtling toward hers because she couldn't trust the right people - and hearing that yes, she could have trusted Arthur, should have, nearly breaks her.

He was the one person she always relied on, until she thought she couldn't. It's too late, now, to second guess everything - it's too late to change anything. They've all met their ugly fates.

In her time, at least. And if he is from a different time, if he has an opportunity that shouldn't be possible, then she won't waste the chance to flout fate with lies she spent years teaching herself.]

I wish it had been different.

[It's raw, almost hurts to say. It's the truth she never let herself acknowledge.]

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s1 arthur sob | casually eyeing exitvoid. maybe.

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weeps for s1

cries i know i knowww

meeeeeeeeeeeeemories, all aloooooooone in the moooooooooonliiiiiiiiiiiiight

oh god you brought out the cats that escalated quickly

party don't start till mem'ries gets dropped

it is true u.u

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how does words

idk how does type /squints

beats me

rp is hard!!!

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throws up on this thread omfg

all over it oh my god I'm dying

i didn't sign up for this!!!! yesidid

WHAT HAVE WE WROUGHT it hurts so good

cries in a corner

yes good, I will roll around in the mud. sad rolling

nope nope nope

if you ever want to cause me CONSIDERABLE AGONY you should check out lastvoyages, i'm js

i will keep that in mind :3

muahahah it must be raining on my face

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