Reserved @ apprenticewanted // NSFW

[kaijuotaku]

So, you're sending me to this medieval fantasy world where the food is sex, and the Mistress needs apprentices. Okay. That is so cool. Well, other than the fact that I have things to do, the world to save, and last but not least, dude, seriously, the tech level is so backwards there.

But man, aliens! Aliens who are rational and speak! Seriously awesome. That almost makes up for the lack of tech. Almost.

[ooc: whoops, might want to note this could be very NSFW]

Comments

[category5]

[Have a Slattern sitting and staring at you, Newt. Because really? Kaiju are rational. Precursors are rational. They were rationally trying to take the planet because they needed it for survival. And vermin are dumb. Rational. Completely rational, he's insulted. And aliens almost making up for a lack of tech? He is judging so hard right now.]

[kaijuotaku]

[And have a mildly freaked out Newt. He likes you better human.]

Dude, I am getting judged by a kaiju.

[category5]

[And he likes breaks from the whole vermin thing every now and then. So he's just going to grunt and continue his judgmental stare. That alien obsession needs a little tweaking.]

[kaijuotaku]

[Oh please. You like his pictures. You have no room to talk about an obsession, Slattern, since you're obsessed with licking Newt.]

[category5]

[Kaiju obsessions are acceptable, not all aliens ones. There's a very distinct difference there. He rumbles, all that sass and he can and will step on you. Besides licking isn't an obsession, it's tasting and other senses. What tongues do.]

[kaijuotaku]

[Uh huh. Pot, meet kettle. You don't lick anything else other than Newt and your food. And you would be sad to not have Newt anymore.]</small.

[category5]

[These are preposterous accusations and he will counter them by crouching down and licking Newt. That is clearly tasting and he's just proved it.]

[kaijuotaku]

[And Newt will squeak, because kaiju slobber is so much different than human slobber!]

Dude, that's gross. And that proves my point, you can't stop yourself from tasting me. Not even Otachi licks me as much as you, dude.

[category5]

[It's the superior slobber. He rumbles and slams a tail down next to Newton. That proves his point not yours, it's a senses thing and not a Newt Only thing. It's also for sassing him.]

[kaijuotaku]

[Uh huh. Newt will just poke at the tail, and he will still sass your scaly ass.]

You know, tails are fascinating. And you have three. Why? Overcompensating?

[category5]

[Did that just- did- no. No Newton. He pulls his tail back and lets out a roar. No more tail poking for you.

He's the only Category V and he has nothing to overcompensate for! It's tactical!]

[kaijuotaku]

[Eyebrow and a pout]

Dude, quit yelling at me. I haven't gotten to touch a live kaiju is a while, and the last time she touched me.

[category5]

[He turns his head in true talk to the hand fashion. Don't look at him like that, you sassed him. Accept the yelling and no tail touching consequences of your actions.]

[kaijuotaku]

[Sorry, he's going to ignore that, and get all up in your space. He's not gottent o see you in your full glory, after all]

[category5]

[The kaiju rumbles, carefully placing a hand over Newt. Let's see you get out of this. There can be plenty admiring him when sassing isn't a thing.]

[cherno]

That place seems.. [ well. ] .. a bit.. strange.

[ this coming from the personified giant mecha. ]

[kaijuotaku]

You have no idea. Really. I mean, there is cake that makes you want to do sex acts, doorknobs shaped like penises, and mushroom fields that smell like cake and sex.

[cherno]

[ she is so scandalized. ]

And you are.. okay with this?

[kaijuotaku]

[It is a bit odd, yes]

Said aliens do not want to eat me or destroy the world. So yeah, I'm cool with it. I need a vacation.

[cherno]

A vacation in which cake makes you wish to engage in s-sexual acts? [ don't judge, okay, she's relatively new to this human shape thing. ]

[hardhousehitter]

Do not worry, little one. If Newt wishes to do this, it is his choice. You do not have to go anywhere near this cake.

[Protective Mama Bear Sasha mode on.]

[cherno]

[ aaaaa sasha ;w; where have you been cherno's missed you ]

I will certainly not be. I hope that I can simply stay with you.

[hardhousehitter]

[She's been away for a bit, but she's back now. She's missed you too, Cherno.]

I will make sure you do, Cherno. I did not like losing you, and it will not happen again if I have any say.

[kaijuotaku]

It still counts as one. A very weird one, but one nonetheless. [he is so not judging, here, okay. He's used to helping new humans learn how to be human.]

[cherno]

Be careful, then. I would not wish for you to come to harm.

[kaijuotaku]

I'll try, okay? I don't like the idea of dying too soon.

[hardhousehitter]

If you think you will be happy there, I do not see the problem.

If you do not . . . perhaps I should speak with your mun.

[kaijuotaku]

Yo, Sasha! I think my mun is looking forward to me being there. They apparently have a pressing need for xenobiologists, what with all the aliens.

[hardhousehitter]

Yes, I can see that they would.

I think I shall watch from a distance. See how you get along with these . . . aliens.

[kaijuotaku]

Kinky, Sasha, really kinky. But thanks for the watching. I like knowing someone has my back.

[hardhousehitter]

I do not trust aliens, Newt. I have only ever seen the ones that wish to destroy my home.

[kaijuotaku]

Oh, I know the feeling, and I am not trusting them just yet. Going to study them, see if they're doing their own thing, or not. But they are super cool, too.

[hardhousehitter]

[She laughs.]

You have not changed, Newt. I think I am glad of this.

[kaijuotaku]

Thank you, I think.

[hardhousehitter]

Do not worry. It is a compliment.

[kaijuotaku]

Oh, good. I wasn't sure.

[tough_love]

[A certain four-armed, four-eyed alien warrior princess is judging you so hard right now.]

And why is our ability to speak surprising to you?

[kaijuotaku]

Because the ones I'm used to? They didn't speak, they just tried to take over the world. So yeah, I'm impressed by aliens who can communicate verbally.

[tough_love]

Well, I can do both!

[Not that she has any reason to. Or the desire to do so. If she's going to try and take over an entire planet with daddy's personal fleet, she's going to pick one with a species that can offer proper resistance.]

[kaijuotaku]

But let's not, okay? It ended really bad for the ones who tried to take over my planet. Like giant nuclear bomb wiping out the homeland bad.

[tough_love]

You say that as if such a capability is unique to your species.

[Not that they'd ever resort to using it, save for Incredible Vengeance related reasons. Doing things the hard way is just so much more rewarding]

Besides, as if your kind could ever launch a strike on Khoros. Much of your species has yet to discover our planet exists, much less develop the means to reach it.

[kaijuotaku]

We probably could, if we needed to. but I hope that wouldn't be the case?

[tough_love]

Not likely. Last I checked, your species lacked an interstellar fleet.

But do not worry, human. Despite my immense disdain for you and your puny friends, we won't be threatening you any time soon. It would hardly be sporting, and you do not have nothing of value to make the trip worth the trouble.

[Then again, the Jaegers do seem pretty nifty...buuuut using one in combat would be a little unsporting. So, still not worth it. Besides, the cockpits would need to be completely redesigned, and screw that]

[kaijuotaku]

Give us a little bit, I'm sure we could come up with a decent fleet, just gotta get past relativity and how big space actually is. We did build robots that fought the kaiju, and did that in two years after Trespasser hit San Francisco.

[tough_love]

As if we would be kind enough to give you that much time.

If we wanted to take your planet, the orbital bombardment would be completed within a few of your planet's months, and we would be on the ground to begin the real fun.

[kaijuotaku]

True, you do sound more efficient than the kaiju.