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Entry tags:
on events in Somarium
Really, my dear, we must come to this again?
I came to my new place to become something more than the bad parody of myself we'd managed to fall into, and while we started strongly, the last few weeks have seen us slipping, rather badly, in some places, back towards my former place.
I understand that between those of us here and now, it is my sole task to keep things focused on the positives of our situation, and I have been struggling with staying happy in the face of so much that was lost, though I agree that I am lucky to have another chance at life. I understand that it is up to me, that Enjolras and Marius are not likely to manage any kind of happiness on their own. so I strive to bring it, and I've told you such but...
Perhaps I try too hard, and perhaps you are too inclined to let me run away with things that should be more controlled because you want me to be happy every moment. Maybe it is time that we step beyond them, and that, yes, I actually speak honestly to someone about everything.
I do not wish to burden them, and I know it is my task to distract everyone from what is going on, and to be their support and keep my own thoughts away from darkness but...I cannot do that as things stand. I find myself in the old trap of throwing out distractions, drink, and excess antics because I am afraid to face the truth within myself. I let this get to a bad point this winter before I confessed the secrets of my heart to you but now that you have knowledge of them and of how I function, I would...
I require your help if you will grant that. I can muster the courage, I think, to tell my friends what I am thinking, but I need my feet held to the fire to do it, and I need the words to match to the emotions that I cannot bury much longer. You have ever tried to give me those. Will you help me find them again?
There is so much I have not touched before, though we have grown closer in trust and everything else in the past year than in the ten I've known you. Will you come through for me again and help me become better than I've been before?
-Your Courfeyrac
Postscript: I also suspect Marius and Enjolras are both about to strangle me. You are acquainted with their secretaries and I would appreciate if you ensure I am allowed to live for the duration of repairing this.
Thank you.
I came to my new place to become something more than the bad parody of myself we'd managed to fall into, and while we started strongly, the last few weeks have seen us slipping, rather badly, in some places, back towards my former place.
I understand that between those of us here and now, it is my sole task to keep things focused on the positives of our situation, and I have been struggling with staying happy in the face of so much that was lost, though I agree that I am lucky to have another chance at life. I understand that it is up to me, that Enjolras and Marius are not likely to manage any kind of happiness on their own. so I strive to bring it, and I've told you such but...
Perhaps I try too hard, and perhaps you are too inclined to let me run away with things that should be more controlled because you want me to be happy every moment. Maybe it is time that we step beyond them, and that, yes, I actually speak honestly to someone about everything.
I do not wish to burden them, and I know it is my task to distract everyone from what is going on, and to be their support and keep my own thoughts away from darkness but...I cannot do that as things stand. I find myself in the old trap of throwing out distractions, drink, and excess antics because I am afraid to face the truth within myself. I let this get to a bad point this winter before I confessed the secrets of my heart to you but now that you have knowledge of them and of how I function, I would...
I require your help if you will grant that. I can muster the courage, I think, to tell my friends what I am thinking, but I need my feet held to the fire to do it, and I need the words to match to the emotions that I cannot bury much longer. You have ever tried to give me those. Will you help me find them again?
There is so much I have not touched before, though we have grown closer in trust and everything else in the past year than in the ten I've known you. Will you come through for me again and help me become better than I've been before?
-Your Courfeyrac
Postscript: I also suspect Marius and Enjolras are both about to strangle me. You are acquainted with their secretaries and I would appreciate if you ensure I am allowed to live for the duration of repairing this.
Thank you.