Thanks, Forever Evil, for waking this guy back up.

[brainteaser]

Goodness, you're fashionably late as ever. Well, no matter. I'd always believed you would come to your senses eventually and decide to take the New model out for a spin. New and Improved, I should say.

Oh, please, there's no need to act so offended. True, there's no beating the classics, but perhaps it's time you stop living in the past. Now's the perfect opportunity for you to finally take your first steps out of that primordial sludge you're so reluctant to abandon and try for something a little more... contemporary, wouldn't you agree?

Assuming, of course, that you're up for the challenge.

Comments

[truffulacide]

Wow.

You really like to ramble. Be honest, how sore does your throat get on any given day, on a scale of one to ten, one being "kinda ticklish" and ten being "let me die"?

[brainteaser]

...Hmm.

[Is that a slight twitch of the eye? No, of course not...]

Not the most inane question I've ever heard - [Though it's definitely Up There] - but I suppose I'll deign to give you an answer, if you'll allow me to ask you something in return.

[truffulacide]

Not really fair, then, is it? You're supposed to be all about questions. There's no such thing as a dumb one.

[get it together old man nigma.]

It's not going to be a needlessly snippy one, is it?

[brainteaser]

I can't make any promises.

[Meaning yes. Yes, it will be.]

[truffulacide]

But I hate those. [he wrinkles his nose.] Can't you ask me something nice?

Ask me how my day was.

[brainteaser]

I could, but where would be the fun in that?

[Or his interest, for that matter.]

Fine, fine. Have it your way. How about something more along the lines of... "How did you get here?"

[Sounds nice enough, right? But then Edward smirks, like the bastard he is.]

You see, I was under the impression that the zookeepers were to ensure your cage was locked before they left work this afternoon.

[truffulacide]

[oh my gosh this wouldn't be so irritating if he didn't know for a fact that Ed over here is probably snickering to himself internally. ooh, sick zinger, he's probably thinking as Once-ler's cheeks go pink. took me all of one minute to come up with that third-degree burn.]

W-Well... You're just lucky she decided to poke me in your direction, that's all! Thought you could use the company. You tend to get really lonely when you're old.

[brainteaser]

[Well, you'd be right about that, Once-ler. But no sooner does Edward start mentally patting himself on the proverbial back than he just has to let that comeback fly.

His eye twitches. Again.]

I'm sorry, I must have misheard you just now. What did you call me?

[truffulacide]

[see, if Eddie was talking to a less passive aggressive person, this would be the part where there would be a slew of nasty, assertive words to go along with that piddly little counter-zinger.

but he's not. he's talking to the Once-ler.]

...Well, y'know. You are getting along in the years [as his mom would say.] if you, uh. Didn't notice.

[brainteaser]

[Edward takes another step closer to the Once-ler. And then another. He's not looking very pleased.]

Tell me something. Are you always so needlessly simpleminded, or is today a special occasion? Hmm?

[truffulacide]

[likewise, for every step forward the other takes, Once-ler steps back.]

Um. That's a rhetorical question, right? Today was supposed to be a good day as far as I knew, and I - well, I was always taught to give my elders the respect they deserve, so...!

[he laughs nervously.]

[brainteaser]

[stress sigh]

The more of me you take away, the larger I become. What am I?

[Choose wisely, Once-ler.]

[truffulacide]

[he holds one finger out, awkwardly grimacing.]

...A hole?

[brainteaser]

[As if spoken to a very small child:]

Very good.

[Hell, he'll even have himself a giggle.]

A hole. [And then the frown is back, full-force.] As in, the one you've continuously been digging yourself into.

[truffulacide]

[wow congratulations that's the most manchildish thing Once-ler's ever heard.]

Look, if you're that upset about it, you could always try a new look. If you grew your hair out, I guarantee you'd look five years younger. At least.

[sturmbahnfuhrer]

Painting over something doesn't make it new, Edward.

[brainteaser]

[You know his name, Major? Unsurprising. At this point in the game, Edward's becoming far more of a notorious figure in Gotham. Soon enough, he'll be a household topic of conversation worldwide.]

Perhaps not, but it does add a certain something to the appeal, doesn't it?

[spare_parts]

I knew you were never one to stay down long.

[brainteaser]

It took a bit of convincing, to be sure, but I can be very persuasive when I need to be.

[Very persistent, more like.]

[spare_parts]

Does this mean we'll be seeing more of you?

[brainteaser]

I should hope so, provided my supposed "partner-in-crime" here finally runs out of excuses not to bring me back out again.

["I should wait until Zero Year wraps up," he says. "See how much of your origin they've actually changed," he says. Edward snorts. He's heard it all.]

[sinistraljoker]

[Oh Eddy...]

Well...he wouldn't have woken you up if he wasn't ready, now would he?

[brainteaser]

He claims it's merely a "test," nothing more. But he should know better than anyone that I've an aptitude for passing them. With flying colors.

[sinistraljoker]

Well then: you should give him quite the show if you're so confident.

Just...nothing too unsavory, ok?

[brainteaser]

[An amicable laugh.]

No guarantees, save for one. It's going to be a show to remember.

[hintcoinplz]

Classics are nice, but there's nothing wrong with trying new things either.

[brainteaser]

Right you are, young man. Absolutely right.

Believe me, if my "friend" here had even an iota of my confidence and your willingness to try and learn, then there's a chance we could avoid this shared headache altogether and allow our arrangement to proceed as planned.

Still... progress is progress.

[hintcoinplz]

Mm, well, sometimes trying new things can be pretty frightening too! Like trying to cooking of someone who's never cooked before. But it can turn out to be pretty rewarding if you make the effort!

[daredevilawyer]

Nothing wrong with a challenge or two...

[Daredevil perched nearby in the shadows.]

[...and if that outfit of Edward's was any louder, Matt would be able to hear it.]

[questionslinger]

Improved? No, you're a fine spin on the modern incarnation -- don't get me wrong, your level of sass alone put you on the chart, but...

One of us is still deeply mentally ill, and the other one of us is... well. Not.