I've...got no excuse

[nottakingsides]

Oh, that's just great.

You're telling me that, even though it's been years since you've seen the show--which, by the way, is all over the internet, so you've got no excuse there--and cannae be bothered to wait until you do, you go ahead and make a journal anyway.  Fine.  Okay, then.  

Don't say I didn't warn you.

...

...

...are you even listening?

Comments

[starfreedom]

When do they ever listen?

[nottakingsides]

[Uhura! If he wasn't so done with life, the universe, and everything right now, he'd offer a more gentlemanly smile.]

'bout as often as the Captain would be my guess.

[starfreedom]

[Yes, well, she can understand that. So she'll bring over good food to go with his alcohol?]

Okay, they can't be that bad. Just nearly.

[nottakingsides]

[Dunnae tell the others, lass, but...you've always been his favorite. <3]

I suppose that's true.

Fat lotta good that does me right now, though. Think I'd rather be back in exile. At least, then, I could'a pretended I was doin' something useful.

[starfreedom]

[There are secrets never to be revealed. Ever.]

Don't tell me you can't focus on those equations without the Captain and with good food available. That's useful.

[nottakingsides]

I suppose it's worth a try.

Care to join me? One colleague to another.

[hforhologram]

[snort of derision]

You're wasting your time, me-laddio. It's been my experience that muns do what they want and nothing else.

[nottakingsides]

Well, I'm not just gonna sit here an' be quiet about it.

[hforhologram]

That much is obvious. [Rimmer eyeing that uniform curiously, wondering what rank it is. Might as well bluff his way through, he snaps a salute (which consists of circling his hand in the air and bringing it to his brow smartly)]

Captain A.J. Rimmer, space adventurer.

[nottakingsides]

[...well, this is a welcome change from the greetings he usually gets. Sitting up a bit straighter, Scotty offers a quick salute in return, lifting his chin with a proud grin. It wasn't often a Captain saluted him. He kind of liked it.]

At ease, Captain. [A pause, and the tension in his shoulders relaxes.] Are you with StarFleet as well?

[hforhologram]

[Rimmer's confidence swells, along with his chest, happy to finally get a salute in return. Eat that, Lister, finally he's getting some respect.]

Starfleet, no. The Jupiter Mining Corporation, yes. I'm assigned to the mining ship Red Dwarf in deep space.

And yourself?

[nottakingsides]

[He mouths an echo of the corporation name for a moment, mulling it over in his mine for a brief moment.]

Can't say I've heard of it. Sorry.

Are you one of those privately own contractors, by any chance?

[hforhologram]

Uh, no. Not at all. It's a sub-group of the Space Corp. [Which is kind of Red Dwarf's version of Starfleet. Which Rimmer hadn't heard of either, so they were even.]

Only the cream of the crop get to come with us on Red Dwarf. I say jump, my men say Ahhhhh!

....because they've already jumped.

[Smooth, Rimsy, real smooth]

[nottakingsides]

[Blink]

Is this some kinda rivalry thing going here? 'cause, I have to tell you right now, I'm fairly happy with my job right now. Well, most of the time. Captain can be a bit of an--[He cuts himself off almost immediately] But never mind that.

Thanks for the offer, man, but no thanks.

[hforhologram]

Ohh.

[Disappointment. He was hoping for someone even marginally better than Lister.]

Fine, whatever. Your loss. And agreed, the Captain before myself was, in three words, a smeg head.

[nottakingsides]

[Oh, he's infinitely better than Lister. Whoever Lister is. The point is that Scotty was the best. But, like he already said, he just couldn't leave the Enterprise. One day, and look at what happens!]

Careful, now. Them's fightin' words you're throwing around there. I've seen many a pub brawl started over less.

[hforhologram]

You have? Well, I avoid pub brawls as a rule... [The rule that says Rimmer is a complete and utter coward.]

[nottakingsides]

Who's rule? Yours or the company's?

[hforhologram]

Both actually. Space Corp Directive 745 - B. "No Officer shall willingly participate in a barroom brawl with the exception of defending their mother." Which shouldn't be confused with Space Corp Directive 745 - C which is "No Officer is allowed to appear on duty wearing imitation fur."

[nottakingsides]

[Right. He could see how those would be easily confused.]

...seriously?

You mean, if I actually picked up a copy of your handbook, it would say those exact words? [He lets out a bit of a surprised scoff] Fancy that. An' here I thought the Federation was strict.

[hforhologram]

Of course! I wouldn't just make those sort of things up.

[Maybe. Almost.]

There are regulations on everything in the Space Corp.

[original_fine]

What show is that, then?

Okay, I know what show you mean. But none of that happened to you, did it?

[nottakingsides]

[He holds up one hand, waving it slightly.]

Eh...yes and no. It's a bit complicated.

[original_fine]

It always is, to some degree. But I'm sure you'll come through, Scotty. You're industrious that way.

[joanna_mccoy]

They never listen. Ever. They just play with our lives because they apparently don't have one of their own. It's kind of sad, really.

[nottakingsides]

Is that the voice of experience I hear?

[joanna_mccoy]

Sadly, yes. It's also one of exasperation. Save yourself while you still can. Or stock up on Saurian brandy before you potentially get sent to a game where it doesn't exist.

[nottakingsides]

Saurian brandy, now.

That bad, eh? An' here I was hopin' a wee bit o' boredom would be the worst of it.

[joanna_mccoy]

You'll need the good stuff. Trust me.

Boredom? No. Random body modification? Possibly. And that's just one example. Some of the things around here make uncharted space seem like a walk in the park.

[nottakingsides]

For the record, uncharted space is a walk in the park. Assuming you've got the right tools to get you there, of course. Which I definitely do.

[...well, theoretically.]

[joanna_mccoy]

Except I think that's where the muns find half their fun. They take everything away to watch us suffer like kids with a magnifying glass to an ant hill.

Unless yours is missing the same sadistic streak 97% of them seem to have... in which case you're really lucky.

[nottakingsides]

Lassie, I've never been lucky a single day in my life.

Of course, unless you count the time when some Future Vulcan showed up while I was left stranded out in Delta Vega. But he dinnae even have a sandwich, so that doesn't really count.

[joanna_mccoy]

Then hopefully you're religious because you might want to start praying you don't end up in one of the sex games. Not that praying has ever been all that helpful in those cases but worth a shot anyway?