homeless & looking (canon is attack on titan)

[shortcutter]

Oh, a fucking comedian. And you sat there wracking your brain for so damn long before you thought of a name. It just goes to show, because any brainless maggot could come up with something for you. worthlessfilth probably isn't taken, but irredeemablypathetic or utter_swine might be better.

One last thing: maybe it suits a pig like you to live in squalor, but your room has been disgusting for months. Clean it, and at least then you'll have one tiny shred of dignity to cling to.

Comments

[painpaingoaway]

E-excuse me for interrupting, b-but I'm sure it's not your muns fault!

I-if you want I can clean the room, i-if that is okay? I promise I will clean it well!

[notmonsters]

Don't know who you are, but my mun just snorted and started choking at your username.

[Hulk's not a titan, please don't slice him.]

[shortcutter]

No. This shitstain doesn't need to be spoiled more than he already is.

[shortcutter]

[No worries, big guy. Levi pauses to raise an eyebrow, but the blades stay sheathed. He's all injured and stuff in canon anyway.]

What the hell are you supposed to be? A green three meter class? [He snorts.] How rare. Back home you could be a damn collector's item.

[Yeah. There's rude and then there's Levi.]

[painpaingoaway]

O-oh, then do you want me to do something else? I can do anything as long as it doesn't mean I die! I- I'll even strip or you can draw on me! L-look, I'm sure there's a pen here somewhere--

[shortcutter]

Oi. You need to shut up and calm down. I'm not going to hurt you.

[painpaingoaway]

Y--yes! S-shutting up now, i-if you want I can even sew my mouth closed so that this nonsense I spew will never leave my disgusting mouth again!

[shortcutter]

[Eesh. Dealing with titans is so much easier than this. He switches over to a more authoritative voice, even though he doubts it will help much.]

Shutting up was just the first part. I told you to calm down. Just stop for a second and take a damn breath.

[painpaingoaway]

A-ah I messed up again, I'm soooorry! Are you going to punish me now?

[Deep breath, deep breath and then--]

Y-yes, calm you want me to to be calm, okay I- I can do that! Just please don't hate me!

[shortcutter]

Why does that matter? What fucking difference does it make whether I hate you or not?

[He says this not unkindly.]

LEVVIIIIIIII

[greatrage]

Ahhh... Corporal, it's not really... a great idea to insult your mun like that.

[notmonsters]

[Three meters is actually pretty close to his height...but thankfully, Hulk doesn't eat people. ...well, THIS Hulk doesn't eat people.]

Well aren't you just peachy?

I ain't nobodies' "collector's item", pal.

I'm the Hulk.

[He says that like it's actually supposed to mean something to Levi.]

[shortcutter]

Is that the name your parents gave you? Were you a big, green lummox even when they pulled you from the womb? Or maybe you ripped your way out.

[Oh. He's kind of asking for it now.]

[notmonsters]

[Oh no you didn't. Hulk has gotten a really good control over his rage, but there are some buttons you don't just push.

...unless you're Levi, apparently. Hulk snarls and gets up in Levi's face, hands clenched and trembling.]

You wanna try saying that again, runt?

ERENNNNNNNNN yay

[shortcutter]

Relax. He knows I'm only telling it like it is.

You can't tell me that you've submitted to yours.

[painpaingoaway]

You're right, I-I am very sorry for wasting your time! That is all I am good for, after all--

you should come to Ruby City we are in need of a Levi heichou

[greatrage]

[he sputters. He hates to admit when he's given up, but even Eren Jaeger has his limits.] She... she made me wear a dress! A frilly maid dress! I'm not dumb enough to mess with that!

[shortcutter]

I don't care. It's not like my time could be spent doing anything valuable in this shit hole.

But now I'm curious. You have a reason for hating yourself so goddamn much?

[shortcutter]

["Unless you're Levi." That could be like a thing.

The Corporal stands his ground and keeps a straight face as Hulk makes his advance.]

It was a question. Did you turn big, green and ugly, or were you born that way? If it's too hard on your delicate feelings, then don't answer.

[He isn't actually trying to provoke him, but if push does come to shove, then Levi is ready to scoot out of the way of those fists. He can still move pretty fast, despite being hobbled.]

i think i might, that cast looks ballin'

[shortcutter]

[Hm. Does Levi look disappointed? Hard to say.]

A dress?

[He pauses.]

If I ordered it, would you put on a frilly maid's dress?

[This is totally a test, Eren. Don't fail.]

it is pretty friggin awesome >3<

[greatrage]

[He ALWAYS looks disappointed. Eren has given up trying to read that perfect poker face]

[Eren stands up VERY STRAIGHT and blushes hard when Levi asks. Then he sort of shrinks back into himself and taps the ends of his fingers together]

Ah... well... you ARE my commanding officer, so... I would? Th-though I'd hope you wouldn't do that to me! I mean, it's hard to actually get any work done in a dress and heels.

[notmonsters]

[Hulk exhales harshly through his nose and pulls his fists back-- there's a split second where it seems like he may bring his fists down on Levi's head-- but it passes. Hulk huffs and slowly relaxes his fists. That's not the kind of monster person he was anymore. Besides, what kind of crazy sonuvabitch holds his ground like that in the face of the Hulk? Either this guy had an impeccable poker face or he had seen some serious shit. Hulk tries to hold onto that thought as he continues to calm himself down.]

First one. Now drop it.

[He growls it through gritted teeth, then scoffs.]

Anybody ever tell you you have a way with words?

[Blunt fuckin short-ass crazy douchecanoe.]

[shortcutter]

[Ah. So it turns out the Hulk is a reasonable fellow. There could've been an easier way to reach this conclusion, but this is the method Levi had always used. He got lucky, sure, but he'd also trusted his intuition (which was typically sharp). With the moment passed, Levi takes a very slightly more relaxed posture and drops a bit of the edge from his voice.]

Only if they're making a piss poor joke.

[Yeah. Just a biiiit of the edge. And he'll leave it at that, because what kind of small talk would be appropriate right now -- especially coming from him?]

that face sells it A++

[shortcutter]

[Levi gives a slight tilt of the head.]

Not the worst answer. But if I ever gave you a creepy, pointless order like that, I hope you'd question it. Eren… I don't want your blind devotion. Leaders who aren't challenged get complacent. They start to think their judgements are infallible.

Every soldier is his own man, and following an order is making a choice. Commanders who forget simple things like that are the ones who end up with a knife in their backs.

[petora]

Um...

[ she isn't sure what to say. you could say she's quite petrafied. except she isn't. this is normal for him after all. ]