dear_mun | [Canon: Free! || Spoilers for Episode 7]

That didn't look half as intense as you made it out to be.

It's not about what it looks like to anyone else, it's about the feeling. Don't you know how it feels to beat someone who's a real challenge?

Not really. It's hard to find a real challenge. [ ignore the brat, Rin. ]

Tch. That sounds too comfortable. Why bother to compete at all if there's no challenge? [Hard to ignore brats when they're right there being... Well. Brats.]

Because there's still something I have to do.

Oh? Like what? [Of all the people who should be asking that kind of question, Rin is not one of them :T]

Are you actually concerned or are you just being nosy?

Hey, shouldn't that be my line? You came to me. after all.

And I'm just asking. Share your reasons or don't, it makes no difference to me.

Only because you act like my Senpais.

[Blink.] ... Well. I'm probably older than you. So. [He rubs the back of his head slightly. Yeah, senpai is kind of part of his job description. That and conflicted rival.]

Matsuoka-senpai! Matsuoka-senpai! You did it, you did it, Matsuoka-senpai!

[ONE-MAN CHEER SQUAD.]

You really were amazing, you know!

Nitori--?

[One-man or the entire team, that cheering thing is always kind of jarring. But hey, on this occasion it just sort of adds to the post-win cockiness, so he'll let you off this time.]

Heh! Like there was ever a doubt! It's like I said, if you don't focus on what you're doing you lose the goal.

So you better win the 400m. I don't like to be wrong, you got it?

[...is that encouragement or a threat? That's entirely your call, Nitori.]

Yes! You were really right! It was so exciting to watch... I'm so glad!

[It's a cool, slightly rude encouragement from his cool, slightly rude senpai. Right?!]

I'll work my hardest to bring pride to [you] Samezuka!

[Rude senpai excels in the art of rude, dontcha know? It's his job and all; it enhances the adorable, shiny-eyed 1st Year thing going on.]

Mm, you better. I'll be watching! [And he will, actually; he didn't take Nitori's comment about being upset by not getting to swim the 100m lightly.] If you win, you'll hear them all cheering your name instead.

[SENPAI IS LITERALLY NOTICING HIM]

I... I... I won't let you down! Senpai!

[IT'S NOT JUST FOR MEMES. SOMETIMES IT REALLY HAPPENS!]

Yeah, I know. [He's not big on too much overt encouragement--people get too attached if you do that, so he best reel in his euphoria a bit and give some less emotive advice.] Don't doubt what you can do; your stamina will hold out longer than the others who try to win by using short-distance speed from the start. Save it to last stretch.

You'll be fine.

Congrats, onii-chan!

[She was rooting for you! Of course, she was also cheering for Haruka. Even more, she had seen that ending portion of your victory dance.]

Ne... You didn't really mean that to Haruka-senpai, did you?

Mm. [That's about as much of a 'thanks' as he's going to give for her congratulatory words, and then he watches her carefully out the corner of his eye. When he speaks again it's not as sharp or scathing as it might otherwise be if she were anyone else but the tone is still quite firm.]

Of course I did. Why wouldn't I?

He was working hard and improving his time so he could swim with you, though.

[Just be swim buddies with everyone again, Rin. :x]

We weren't swimming together, Gou. We were swimming against each other.

[But he'd probably do much better back in their team... :( Different schools and life goals tho, he'd surely argue.]

And he might have been working hard, but he just didn't want it badly enough. It's what makes us different.

Except you were both trying to make sure you'd be in the same heat some way, right? So it's together!

It doesn't mean you have to say that you'll never swim with him again.

[The different schools thing is what's made this harder to set up. Matsuoka don't give up just because something's hard, though.]

We were both in the same heat to swim against each other! We were competing.

Haru doesn't like competition and I beat him. It's just a fact that we won't swim together again now. He's only interested in freestyle, you know that.

[He avoids making eye contact with her as he speaks though.]

It's not a fact.

[Man Rin. Wait until you realize that Rei's pushing for Relay as well. But she can't also say anything to counter that last part Rin had said.]

[Looking back at her again, he frowns.]

Why does this even matter? I know you're their manager, but what difference does it make whether we swim together or not? He's won't going forward with me, so shouldn't you be worrying about what else they can do?

[Shhh, we don't mention the relay! It'll all be an amazing shock full of complicated feelings for him later! :)]

[ 'Who's the one not going forward?' is what she thinks, but wouldn't actually say. Because she doesn't want to say something that could hurt her brother. Same with what the difference was. So instead Gou straightens up, because yes. She is their manager.]

I know what else they can do. You'll see too, onii-chan.

[He raises an eyebrow at her as she defends her team. He might not agree with her, but at least she's loyal and isn't quick to back down, even to her brother. He might not be quick to show it, but that sort of conviction is what makes him pretty proud of her.

What he does though is to give a small scoff and look to the side.]

If they're worth watching then I'll see it for myself, but I'm not going out of my way to follow them. We're heading in different directions.

[ooc: So sorry for the delays, it's been a busy week :'(]

[It's something they had in common, though the methods and how it's shown is different. Neither back down easily, and this is even more important as Gou had decided it was also a key to getting at least a small part of what Rin used to have back.

So while she won't say anything about the plans, like signing them up for the relay, there's always shark bait; act chummy.]

Mm. Well, we'll see!

... But you're curious about how the others swim too, ne?

[[It's no problem! I... Forgot to verify my email change for label purposes and didn't get the notification. Forgiveness all around?]]

[If Rin knew more about Gou's agenda then he may have been far more irritable about the whole manager thing than he was. As it stands, he's still pretty confused about why she wanted to get involved in the first place, but there wasn't a lot he could do about it either way; big brother veto is only valid in certain circumstances.

~~Omnomnom sharkbait...~~ The baiting is successful though, at least to some extent as he rolls his eyes and pushes his hands deeper into his pockets.]

I'm not curious, I already know how they swim.

[ooc: I approve of ALL the forgiveness! :D]

[Well, this is why he doesn't get full disclosure about her actions.]

Really... You don't even wonder if how they swim has changed or anything? They've done a lot since the joint practice, after all.

[Not watching you gloat. Nope. Not even watching at all.

He knows it shouldn't bother him to see Rin being so ungracious. What was he expecting when it's come about like this? He's trying very hard to ignore it all, really. But, you know, it still kind of stings.]

[You might be watching him gloat, Haru. You really might.

And it might well sting, but as far as Rin's concerned he might finally be able to move on from you now--he does project his feeling of being unable to progress onto Haru, so this victory is like finally being freed of that. Or so he thinks for now, anyway. In the long-term...

But hey, Haru's brought himself here after all that, so it's kind of like he's asking for it.]

Something you want, Haru?

[It would be better to just leave him to it. It's not like Haru has any expectation that his presence will change anything--why should it?

Wouldn't the easiest thing just be to turn and walk away then? He would have thought so, so he doesn't know why that feels like it would be so much harder than lingering here close to the knives. Anyway, since when did doing the easiest thing start feeling like this?]

No. Nothing.

Just, this is different.

[And just like that the urge to gloat is gone, replaced by a kind of surprise and confusion. He frowns, trying to figure out what it is Haru talking about because there's something about this which just doesn't feel right. It's unsettling, in a way. And just when he was on a high too...]

Different?

[Different than when they were kids, than the last four years, than the last time they raced.

He pauses though, realizing that maybe, after all, he doesn't want to know whether Rin feels the same differences that he does. As far as Haru can tell, victory has meant only vindication for him--it's instrumental, the thing that will let him walk away from Haru for good.

Maybe that would indeed be easiest--for Rin to just on keep walking away--but Haru doesn't want him to. He actually feels this loss like a long reverberating pang. Not just the loss of the race, not just a oneness with the water, but as a kind of abandonment. That's what's different for him.]

You don't feel it. [It's more declaration than question, like he doesn't think he even needs to ask because he's already made up his mind about what answer he'll receive.]

[Rin has never had the ability to read Haru like Makoto can in terms of picking up on what Haru might be thinking in a moment or asking questions on his behalf without needing to check, but Rin has his own moments of insight that he's sure no-one else has. It's related to the water in a strange way, a connect that he's sure Makoto doesn't have because when everything is stripped right down Makoto is scared of the water, but Rin and Haru are not.

But at the same time as having that connection, there are also things hidden that Rin can't wrap his mind around, things that irritate him about Haru's way of thinking or approaching matters, things that he just can't understand no matter how hard he tries. Or maybe it's that he understands, but he doesn't agree.

It's actually not that he doesn't feel that this is different, but to him that's the whole point, isn't it? It's meant to feel different. He was meant to beat Haru when he was actually trying. What's different, to Rin, isn't just the fact that they aren't kids anymore, but instead it's something in Haru. Haru actually cared that he lost.

He frowns, pulling his stare away to project a glare at nothing.]

It is different. That's the point. It had to be different.

[Rin is right: it does have to be different, and maybe Haru has known that all along without really knowing what it meant. After all, isn't this what he's wanted, in a way--the reason why he'd stopped swimming for all those years? If he stopped because Rin had been hurt, then Rin has had to not be hurt for him to continue. Haru hasn't anticipated that Rin not being hurt would feel like this though.

But maybe the two have always gone hand in hand, and the necessary difference meant Haru had to be hurt in order for Rin not to be, like a trade. Maybe he ought just to accept it, and maybe he should have seen it coming, should have remembered better how he'd felt as a kid when Rin first joined the swim club and his sudden proximity had lit something in Haru that had made him compete in ways he'd never bothered to before.

The irony is that Haru hadn't stopped swimming out of some sense of altruism or self-sacrifice at all. It wasn't deference to Rin's feelings that had shaped his actions. It was simply a desire to avoid the messiness and the conflict that attended his own win: in the water, he couldn't help but compete with the other boy, but it wasn't in the water that he had to deal with the unwanted complications.

He stopped swimming simply to avoid it all, and it had seemed to work. But then Rin had been gone, so the tactic was hardly tested; really, the whole matter had just been set on a shelf. Haru has wanted things just to be simplified, but Rin's return has made the competition feel as inevitable as breathing once more, and even though he's tried to avoid it, now everything has only been complicated in a whole other way.

Haru wants equilibrium. What he gets instead is the see-saw tilting the other way. It makes him hate Rin a little, because it's still his fault, just like it's been for years.]

You have what you want then. [It's a little vindictive but now that he's stared this Haru feels like what he wants most is just to get away.]

[Haru's words jab at something in Rin's chest and it makes him suck in a sharp breath. It's subtle, but he knows the intention and he definitely feels it hit home. Is that what he and Haru do to each other now? Take stabs at each other and try to hit a tender spot? It's kind of unbecoming. But at the same time this seems like the only option to Rin now; they're not teammates, they won't be ever again, and he can't afford to let himself be compromised in any way by Haru now that he's come so far. It won't matter how far he gets if he can't best Haru.

So why does this feel so strained? Why did that comment sting in the first place?

He turns his eyes away from Haru finally, and when he replies his tone is fairly flat and quiet, none of the bite or ice that he's been making use of thus far.]

Yeah. I suppose I do.

[ So why doesn't the win feel like he's won anymore?]

Edited 2013-08-29 21:59 (UTC)

[Canon: Free! || Spoilers for Episode 7]

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^ That tag has made my day :') ♥

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