dear_mun | voicetesting a genderswapped james potter

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canon: harry potter

voicetesting a genderswapped james potter

Oi, this is all well and good and everything, but I'm missing a few things. I gotta say, I'm almost nothing without my mates.

Almost. I'm pretty good on my own, too-- you've seen me on the pitch.

'Course that doesn't woo Evans, but he doesn't even know what he's missing. He'll come around, eventually. I'm sure of it, and I've got 10 galleons on it from a stupid bet I made with Padfoot in our First Year.

Those galleons are as good as mine. By the end of this school year. Mark my words.

Now I've got to see dear McGonagall about getting out of a detention this afternoon. Even he can't resist my charms.

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Nothing without your mates, huh? That's new.

Really, if you're still trying to win that bet, you should work on upping your wooing technique. I don't think Evans appreciates his on and off stalker.

Excuse you, I said almost nothing. Which means I'm still something without you lot.

Just you wait. I will have him swooning for me.

Stalking is such an ugly word.

It is ugly, as the truth so often is, I find. The day you have Evans swooning is the day I give up trying to make McGonagall blush.

( which is aka never )

His cheeks are made for a scarlet hue, don't you think Prongs? And who are you kidding, you're nothing without us backing you up.

We make a cohesive, unstoppable unit.

Just as Evans is made for me. Think of the beautiful children I'd bear him! All freckled and scheming. You'd be godmother, of course.

Please. I survived the first few hours of First Year without you. I could do it again. [Please don't leave her.]

We are, we are.

... I just pictured you the size of a basketball, and internally shuddered. I should get compensation for all the horrible mental images you put in my head.

10 galleons would be fair.

Sure, I'll take godmother. It'll be my pet project to turn all those freckled monsters against you, soon enough they'd be planning a cou and throwing dungbombs into your bedroom.

A charming picture, isn't it?

Shut it, Padfoot. It would be worth it. So very worth it. I'd have PERMANENT PROOF that I shagged Evans.

...

That's it, I'm giving godmother duty to Moony or Wormtail. They are responsible.

Squirming and crying and all around irritating proof, that is.

No, hey, I was only kidding. You can't give Moony the job, he'll muck it up something horrible. They'll end up as recluses that look to dusty old texts for fun, the tragedy of it all.

I suppose Wormtail would be a good choice, given that the SHAGGING actually takes place, in real life. Not in your very vivid imagination.

They get over that, right? You've got a sister. They stop that, right? Wait, nevermind, your sister's Reggie. She's all the whining and squirming.

Maybe Evans' brother could do the job.

In my vivid imagination the shagging takes place every night. In the prefect's bathroom.

Sadly Reggie never made it out of the squirming and crying stage, I had high hopes for that one, but I suppose aristocracy does terrible things to the teenage mind.

The prefect's bathroom, really? See, that is more than I needed to know, and certainly enough to scar me for life.

Do you even feel an inkling of regret for what you're putting me through here? A naked Evans is not what I--

Do you think he's got freckles, everywhere Prongs?

LOOK AT WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO ME.

I regret nothing! This is what you're signing up for when you become friends with Jane Potter, I could have sworn I told you this on the train.

I'm almost sure he is. Yum.

You said nothing of the sort on the train, as I remember it we spent the entire ride eating chocolate frogs and talking the logistics of Quidditch. I thought we were soul mates, soul sisters?

How deluded, I was.

To think that a single red head would tear us apart like this. I could shed a tear.

No, I distinctly remember drawing up a contract and everything. You signed it in blood, if I recall. Or maybe it was pumpkin juice.

Come off it! Like we haven't been momentarily torn about by... other things.

Definitely pumpkin juice. You should know that I didn't actually read the contract, I just signed it on good faith.

You know how I hate small print.

Other things? The only thing we've ever disagreed on is whether to turn Snivelly's hair pink or a lovely shade of lilac.

To this day I stand by my assertion that lilac better suited her complexion.

Your loss, mate. You signed over all your chocolate frog cards of famous Quidditch players to me.

No, pink is still far better. It will be set off so wonderfully by the black she's always got going on. And it looks worse when the roots grow out. Extra greasy.

We had only just met and you were already planning on taking away my most prized possessions. I should have known you were trouble.

I mean that in the most flattering way, of course.

Are we really going to rehash this again, Prongs? Lilac would beautifully offset the red undertone of her skin.

Merlin knows why I let you have your way. Must have been a lapse of judgement on my part. An uncharacteristic moment of weakness for those doe eyes you are so fond of pulling.

When I leave Hogwarts, I want a statue erected of me. And a plaque that says 'In honor of Jane Potter, The Biggest Piece Of Trouble Hogwarts Has Ever Seen.' Maybe a poem. Something poetic.

Pink made her look so much more sallow!

I am beautiful, no one can resist me.

Do you hear that, Janey? That's the sound of my UTTER disbelief. I think we've stumbled onto our second ever disagreement, if anyone is the biggest piece of trouble this castle has ever seen, it's got to be me.

My likeness will be captured in stone and quite possibly be the best addition to Hogwarts since--

whenever this place was built. Remind me to ask Moony about it later.

LILAC. We should take a vote to put this matter to rest for good. A gathering of the marauders for the most noble cause of proving that I'm right.

It seems like Evans has no trouble resisting the doe eyes. I should ask him how he manages.

FINE, let's get a statue of the both of us. With Moony and Wormtail in it too, I guess. It'll be a SHRINE. Future pranksters will leave us offerings. Once in a while, we'll stop in and give guest lectures on keeping Hogwarts on it's toes.

PINK. PUTRID PINK. Fine. Go ahead, call the meeting. We will see that I'm right and you're wrong. It was in the contract, anyway.

Dark Magic. I'm sure of it. Snivvelus must have given him something. The bastard.

A shrine? We'll have to pull off something completely and utterly wicked to earn ourselves a shrine. We should get to the drawing board on our next pranking venture, who knows maybe this one will be the one that finally gets Evans's attention and puts you in his good graces.

I'm sure Wormtail and Moony have enough combined sense to agree with me, and this time I won't even threaten them before the vote. I have been put off scare tactics since Moony saw it fit to repay the gesture in kind.

A mad Moony is a scary Moony. Let it be known.

Like what? An anti-Jane love potion? If anyone could brew up such a thing, I'd bet on her.

Everyone other bloke in this school finds you irresistible, trust me, I have my ways of knowing these things.

Sirius... Are you helping me come up with a terrible idea that will help me win this bet? Be still my heart! [She puts her hands over her heart melodramatically.]

Please. I'll win anyway.

Well, obviously. Her time of the month is worse than the rest of ours.

She had to have done it. There's got to be an antidote. I'll figure it out.

But I don't want any other bloke. I want Evans. You have all the other blokes.

Why I'm helping you at all is beyond my understanding. Must have been in the contract somewhere 'mates always help mates woo redhead gryffindors'. What we need is a grand gesture, something so awe inspiring he'll fall to his feet and probably pull out a ring right then and there.

Last time of the month, she lobbed her ancient runes text at my head. Can you believe it? I was sporting a bruise for a week.

Actually, you probably can, given that I complained about it 24/7. My poor beautiful face.

Maybe what you need is a distraction? I know a bloke in hufflepuff who has been sniffing after you since first year.

He's quite nice looking too, though his hair is only a dull brown.

Not like Evans, at all.

A grand gesture. If anyone can make it, we can. What we need is to expose Snivellus for the creep she is. Then Evans will fully believe that I was right the whole time and marry me on the spot. ...Or at least shag me, I'm not picky.

Of COURSE I bloody remember, you wouldn't shut up about it. I thought it was a nice improvement on your face, personally.

Yes, but Hufflepuffs... okay your cousin Andy is one of them, but... I guess we'll see.

...well this, um- extremely disturbing.

And I've never been freckled or scheming.

Edited 2013-07-29 06:09 (UTC)

And I'm glad you weren't, Harry.

Siri would never have let me live it down.

I like this coloring better. You make your mum very proud.

...Potter?

He?

[Spluttering brb.]

She. Slip of the tongue.

I'm sorry if my words offended you, Evans. You are the most beautiful woman in all of existence. A very womanly woman. Perhaps even more womanly than me.

I doubt it. You must be from one of those...alternate universes I've heard about.

[Still hard to stomach.]

I'm not offended; just shocked. [What does that even mean?] Call this a long-shot, but I think we both have all of our womanly parts.

[She shrugs, like that bothers her.]

I know I've got mine. You can give a feel, if you want. Don't worry, [she holds her hands up] I trust you. I won't touch you without your permission now, Evans.

... [Good job. She is the same color as her hair.]

Ex-Excuse me?! [Feeling...huh?] You want me to...test you? [In a very intimate way at that!] It's alright. I believe you. Really, I do.

[Awkwardly, she reaches out and squeezes one of James's hands.]

That wasn't-- bugger it. [Hey, skin contact with Evans. GO TEAM POTTER!]

It's me, Evans. Lady bits and all. Why? Problem?

[Hey a hand is much less embarrassing than a...well. All of that. Yes.]

I believe you! [That comes out as a squeak.] It's...n-new. You're...pretty.

[Jane all but preens. Oh, this is lovely. So very, very lovely.]

Thank you, my dear, Evans. And you're pretty, too. But that has never changed.

You're too kind. [And it seems he - she - hasn't given up her pursuit. It's kind of flattering.] It's a shame you're not always a girl. Otherwise we could share a dorm.

[Teasing? JUST A BIT.]

[And she never will.] Perhaps my reality is better than yours, then. Though I wouldn't say no to sharing a dorm with you regardless.

[ ~~Until Mr. Evans is in order~~ - Marlene waggles her eyebrows. ]

Oh, I like this version. The girly thing is fetching on ya.

[She smiles at Marlene.]

You think so? I quite like it. Unexpected. But still so incredibly me.

[ She rests her chin in her hands, just grinning. ]

You prob'ly shouldn't have announced that whole bit about the bet, 'cause any Evans wouldn't take a shine to that fact. Y'know.

Shh. No guarantee Evans heard. And you'll do your best to put in a good word for me, won't you? [Is that... Yes, that's a wink. Jane is winking at Marlene.]

Besides. I was young and foolish. I've learned the error of my ways. Evans is not a prize.

Don't you forget how sharp she is! [ And she even waggles a finger. ]

But that's good t'hear. You've got to woman up, or sommat. Show 'em you can be sensitive. Then I'll put in a good word for you.

Sharper than a tack, I know my Lily.

[Jane looks down for a moment, then nods.] I look pretty womanly to me. So obviously I am sensitive. I could take her to a nice muggle movie, cry over all the sad parts. Tell her how Adric's death in Doctor Who had me lamenting the fate of dinosaurs or something and sobbing into my pillows for weeks.

What a brave, brave soul, Adric was. All he wanted was to go home. [She sighs melodramatically, wiping a tear from her eye.]

Merlin, wasn't that depressing? Wouldn't leave my couch that night. Oh, I cried, I cried buckets an' buckets, I -

[ She frowns uncertainly. ] Oh. Are you being serious or what?

[Jane just smirks.] He crashed a spaceship into Earth. It was a ridiculous gambit.

I'm not being serious at all. Well, between you and me, Marlene, I got a little choked up.

[ That's all very important but Sirius is just going to lean forward and give James a little poke in the chest to check she's real.]

[Jane waits patiently until he's done prodding about her chest, and then fixes him with a mighty frown.] Are you quite satisfied, Padfoot?

Yes, my very own molecules.

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voicetesting a genderswapped james potter

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