On reserves opening in Throne of Shadows

[headcasey]

Considering the odds, and factoring in for the number of possible worlds, timelines, dimensions, realms, and, to use one of your words, "canons," the probability of Prince Tristan finding a suitable mate which will both satisfy the Nysgod prerequisites, to say nothing of his mother's opinions, is so astonishingly staggering that it would be almost impossible to calculate the correct numbers.

[She pauses.]

But I did. It's not looking good...

(OOC: Game is Throne of Shadows, character is one of the NPCs)

Comments

[oregoniandionysus]

Not worried about the mother. I'm good with mothers. Mothers adore me.

What about these prerequisites, then?

[headcasey]

I think you may be a little bit premature when it comes to the assumption that the mother will automatically adore you, given the fact that you've never encountered the species before and you've never encountered the individual herself before and, for that matter, you probably aren't too familiar with matters of Nysgod decorum in a royal court, given the aforementioned fact that you haven't encountered the species before.

[She pauses to take a breath.]

Also, why would mothers adore you? Is there something innately adorable about you that attracts women who have given birth?

[oregoniandionysus]

[Well, aren't you just a bundle of laughs.]

I appeal to their maternal senses, yes. Something about a man who knows his way around a roast makes them want to scoop me up an introduce me to their daughters, poor things.

Anyway, isn't that what you're there for? Teach us the rules, get us all nice and integrated? Increase our chances?

[headcasey]

You sound as though you want to be Tristan's mate.

Which is not to say that there's anything innately wrong with Tristan but...

...well...you need to meet him first...probably...I understand that's how these things work...

[oregoniandionysus]

Oh, don't worry - I have every intention of being appropriately pissed off when it comes to the kidnapping. And if the chemistry's not there, it's just not there. Can't start a fire without a spark.

But, look. When you grow up in a world where people throw garbage on you while shouting 'faggot,' it makes you appreciate one where that sort of thing just doesn't happen because that sort of thing is just taken as a matter of course. And if I've got to be there, I'm gonna play the game.

So maybe I am jumping the sequence of events a bit here, but you're the one who started going on about prerequisites in the first place, so I figured I'd ask.

[headcasey]

Why would anyone call you a large bundle of sticks?

[oregoniandionysus]

See, that's exactly what I'm talking about.

Bet you haven't even got a word for it over there.

trololol

[hackreality]

Well... do you know what a facehugger is?

[oregoniandionysus]

Friend of mine used to talk about those kinds of movies all the time. Are you saying Nysgod children get born like those chest-bursting things? 'Cause was curious how it all worked with the pregnant men.

[hackreality]

Nope! But it would be funny, wouldn't it? Well, funny for everyone but the person getting chestbursted, probably. Awwwkward. I actually have no idea how it works. Anyway, he's way not my type, so I'm not planning on finding out.

[oregoniandionysus]

Hilarious. Everybody would be busting a gut.

Honestly, what I've heard about the other 'hopefuls' so far, I may just be the best candidate. But I'd like to know more about what's actually involved.

[hackreality]

Ba-dum-tssh!

But anyway, . People have clearly done it before, so it can't be completely objectionable, whatever's involved aside from the normal, but there's always a catch, isn't there?

[oregoniandionysus]

Always.

Guess I'll find out once I'm there... Perhaps it's better to build up a little suspense. Too much meta-knowledge isn't necessarily a good thing.

[hackreality]

Even worse if you account for the potential candidates taking a dim view of being kidnapped for marriage. I posit that this will end in at least someone's tears.

[headcasey]

[Someone who speaks her language!]

Another very, very valid point, all things considered. I had forgotten to take the human factor into consideration in my calculations. Although, that's really a bit of a racist term, when you think about it. I mean, not everyone dragged into this mess is going to be human.

[hackreality]

Welp, now I'm imagining his Highness hooking up with Lin from Perdido Street Station or something. Or a Verpine. Not that that wouldn't be adorable.

But yeah, the free will factor is difficult to calculate for, anyway, considering it involves a lot of randomness at any given time, plus environmental factors. People are funny like that. Then again, I guess it worked in Disney's Cinderella?

[headcasey]

[She stares blankly for a moment.]

What's a cinderella?

[hackreality]

Fairy tale, from where I'm from. There've been a lot of retellings, but generally the Prince of the kingdom is, for one reason or another, not into any of the ladies they have found for him, and so the King and Queen hold a ball and require all the eligible women in the land to attend.

[headcasey]

Oh. Well. That's an oddly appropriate analogy. I'll have to ask Jaan about that one. He's well traveled. He claims to have been to every world. Of course, he's also a blabbermouth...

Wait...what were we talking about?

[idolstolemylook]

Could've told you that.

[headcasey]

Oh? Are you mathematically inclined as well? I could have guessed that from the pallor of your skin, I suppose, but I don't like to assume...

[idolstolemylook]

No. I'm not bloody mathematically inclined. I could have told you that because this whole idea is bollocks.

[headcasey]

Query: What are bollocks?

[idolstolemylook]

Testicles.

[headcasey]

Why didn't you just say "testicles" then?