dear_mun | mun's finally caught up on the last season-

[ -so it's time for a SUPER meta post ]

Well.

[ because apparently characters are caught up at the same time as their muns, she's stuck between feeling horrified and ..relieved? kind of? that at least she's not a psychopath anymore. and that Silas is gone. but with everything else that's happened, that seem pretty trivial. and selfish. but hasn't she earned selfish? ( no, she hasn't ) ]

A year later, and after learning all the horrible things I've done since I became a vampire, you still want to keep me around in your headspace. I'm flattered.

-- I think.

Maybe a little bit concerned, too.

Yeah, mostly concerned.

[ she's not even going to mention that her username doesn't make much sense anymore - she's a fighter now, thanks, not a martyr ( not that she ever liked being called a martyr ) - because apparently username searches are the worst. so she's heard. ]

But I'll let you do your thing, because I do miss being around. Only- maybe not in a mental institute this time, okay? Or a horror-filled spaceship. Let's avoid anything remotely like those places from now on. [ even if part of her maybe wouldn't mind going up against some of Landel's monsters now that she's a vampire but nah. nope, let's not. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Vampire?

[ n-noooo. she looks shocked for a second, but that fades fast because she really shouldn't be shocked.

now she just looks sheepish. and maybe kind of sad. stop reminding her of Jeremy ]

-- Yeah. It wasn't supposed to happen, but- Y'know.

Mystic Falls.

[ like that explains everything awful. ]

Edited 2013-07-13 06:23 (UTC)

[Oh no.

Peter genuinely has no idea what to say. She's not flipping out and trying to eat him, but there's still the instinctual need to book it far and away from her.

Except it's Elena. He owes her better than that.]

...Are you okay?

[ noooOOO she knows that look and it's kind of heartbreaking? as in really heartbreaking. but she can't let that show because- ] Yeah. Yes, I'm fine. [ S-SO EARNEST ] Really, Peter, it's okay now. It's been long enough now that I've adjusted to it, and I have my diet under control, and- It's okay. [ she kind of laughs, but then she presses her mouth shut and just smiles and nods instead and it's a little strange trying to reassure someone that she's alright because of the whole vampire thing, considering everybody else just reacted by trying to figure out the best way to fix her ] It's alright, I promise. [ oh, but that tastes a little bit like a lie, so- ] It wasn't for a little while, not at first, but now I'm okay.

Diet? How do you mean? [His nose wrinkles as he mentally rifles through the implications] Is it like you only eat certain people or just take little sips?

[He studies her closely. It seems to all be sincere. Much more sincere than he would expect of someone who was now a member of the undead.

Right, that means Elena technically died and he has to press the heel of his hands into his eyes for a bit. Digest that, because ouch.]

You're okay now.

But it is something that's changed you. Isn't it? Or is it like...What kind of vampire are you? There's like seven thousand different varieties apparently. The ones in my world are pretty huge jerks the minute they change.

I don't drink from people at all, just blood bags. [ now she does, now that she has her humanity back. but. that's. not going to be mentioned here at all nope ]

I am different, of course I am, but- [ but she won't talk over him soooo she lets him get to his point, then ends up kind of scrunching her nose because what does that mean- ] I'm like Damon and Stefan now. I mean, when I change- I'm still me, my body's just in fight mode. Hunter mode. I guess. [ she hasn't actually thought about it ] For me it's a defense mechanism, more than anything else. [ I can fight my own battles now ] I'm in control of it.

[ oh, this is her elena. her friend, her family. the girl who is sad and compassionate instead of angry and vengeful. caroline loves this elena, even if their friendship has deteriorated for a time. ]

You're not a terrible person just because you did terrible things, Elena.

[ if that was the case, they'd all be terrible people — and maybe they are. ]

[ you're not a terrible person. as cliche as it is for her to think, just having someone say it, someone she loves and trusts, is enough to sink some of the tension out of her system.]

I guess sometimes it's just hard not to let that guilt sit right smack in the front of all my other emotions. [ in front of rage and fear and love and protectiveness, which is really weird to sort through ] I never thought I'd come face to face with that side of me before, that it even exists, it's still- I hurt every one of the people I love just by flipping the switch. And it was easy, at the time. Too easy. [ she shakes her head, kind of squints because Caroline doesn't need to hear this, she saw how bad she was first hand. Elena can apologize for it forever and it still won't make up for the way she treated her best friends ]

[ her next statement is a breathless whisper, nearly lost in the air. her heart twitches uncomfortably when she says it. she echoes klaus' words again; she knows that. ]

You can't underestimate the allure of darkness. [ how true. terrifyingly so, she recognizes now. on a brighter note: ] The important thing is that you're you again.

[ Elena Gilbert, martyr, vampire, fighter, and friend. ]

Yeah, finally. Thank God. [ she laughs, but it's really just a huff, with an understatement of the century kind of energy behind it ] You're right, unfortunately, and I know that pretty well by now. The allure. [ she won't say it, but, it's kind of what got them into this mess to begin with, isn't it? sure she was a doppelganger, that wasn't her choice, but involving herself with the Salvatores even after learning their secret? definitely her choice. ]

But that's all backwards, isn't it? When all I really want is to keep everyone safe, and try to just live like normal teenagers for two seconds of our lives. Just because we'll always be this young, that doesn't mean we should put a timeout on our actual first time around of being high school graduates with big, bright futures, right? [ no, she doesn't know what she's rambling about anymore. Elena just has so many FEELINGS ] But we can't do that if we all keep, you know, flirting with danger. [ magic and Originals and cures and veils and everything else. every temptation there is outside of their little group of Mystic Falls misfit supernatural creatures. if only it were that easy ] At this point it just feels impossible, though. Short of leaving Mystic Falls forever, I can't think of a way any of us could ever just disappear from it all.

[ his smile is small, hesitant. ] I am ninety-nine percent sure that every place is one of those places.

[ lbr everywhere sucks. ] But, uh, you sound like you have it rough back home, too, so I bet you can handle it.

Oh. [ womp woooomp. she gives him a sort of comical "woops!" frown, because maybe the thought had crossed her mind, that all of those worlds they get sent to are pretty much butts, but. wishful thinking? oops. ]

It's my whole town that has it rough, honestly, it's not just me. [ she's going to not mention that she's just usually at the center of it ehhhh ] The idea of being taken away from my family freaks me out more than where I might end up, though.

Right. [ stupid. way to be insensitive. it always comes down to loved ones. ]

At least your loved ones are safe. [ a beat. ] Safer there.

[ some part of her now, a shiny new vampire part, wants to latch onto that idea. but in a negative way, in a way that fights it, no, they're not safe, we're never safe anymore, nothing ever goes the way it's supposed to and I keep losing the people I love to things that I can't control but she knows she can't let that side of her out, at all especially in front of someone she doesn't even know what she is. so there's just a slow pull of air through her nose, and she releases it with a smile, a nod ]

Yeah, definitely. [ a beat ] Is it dangerous where you are?

They do keep worse company around than you.

Mine keeps Klaus, talk about not so fun times.

That's true. Though it's a little weird going from the "token good girl" to- whatever it is a qualify as now. [ squint ]

[ and just.. making a face at the idea of hanging out with Klaus in her downtime. ugh. he might've saved Damon's life with his blood ( again ) but he's still pretty much the worst ]

mun's finally caught up on the last season-

well shit

15 icons is such butts but oh well

Once you go paid, it's like getting laid.

is it tho

...no i was just engaging in wishful thinking again :(

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imma doubletap this can't won't stop

eeeeeeeeeeee caroline gets mild tldr. teal fawn.

aaaaaah delicious teal fawn

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