because friendship makes him cranky.

[medicos]

No, I'm not putting it up on my office wall.

[ he means this, a gift from his bff4lyf (one of them, anyway, there's a lot of you).

it's going to be framed :') ]

Comments

[hischair]

You aren't listening to what I'm saying.

[medicos]

When you're grumpy, you go all out, did you know that?

You know I'd tell you if you ask, right? [ there are no secrets between best friends, and bones may have to grump his way through it, but he'll tell jim, in the end.

the problem half the time is that jim doesn't ask. ]

[hischair]

What am I supposed to be asking?

[ He really is a moody bitch. ]

[medicos]

You tell me.

[hischair]

I don't want to tell you anything.

[medicos]

Am I or am I not your best friend.

[hischair]

[ Play your trump card, why don't you. ]

... Yes.

[medicos]

Then?

[hischair]

I have no idea what I'd do if you got angry about it.

[medicos]

Maybe I will, but I'll forgive you if I do. [ he always does. ]

[hischair]

I'd rather not get us into a mess I can't get us out of.

[medicos]

[ slowly contemplating pulling his hair out, and yours. ]

Trust me.

[hischair]

I always trust you, that's not the problem.

[ A hand slides forward on his lap, palm upturned in a silent request for some kind of contact. He hasn't done it since crashing in between exams at the Academy and holding up a hand from the floor to Bones on the couch, confirming they're both alive despite the workload. ]

[medicos]

[ bones easily takes it, knowing the significance of jim reaching out to someone because he doesn't usually do it - not physically, not intimately. ]

Then trust me to trust you.

[hischair]

[ And then Spock walks in and is like OMG WHY ARE YOU HAVING SEX SHRIIIIEK. The touch helps, a warm tactile anchor. ]

You'll run us in circles, talking like that.

[medicos]

Jim.

[ exasperated now, but he's pulling all the stops. ]

i won't leave.

[hischair]

Don't say that, Bones. Jesus.

[ Hushing the curse, Jim hitches up a smile that bows out early. There are a lot of things he doesn't want to think or feel connected with that, even if it's where his mind is. Hearing him promise it is a hundred times worse. ]

What did you think I was going to ask you?

[medicos]

I don't think now is the time to pretend that I know everything that's going on in your head.

[ he has a couple of ideas, but he wants to hear it from jim.

he squeezes his hand. ]

Stop and just say it, Jim.

[hischair]

[ Say it. Like it's that easy. ]

Can't make me.

[ Curling his free fingers in a blue shirt, he tugs and leans over to catch the underside of a jaw with dry lips for a couple of seconds. Exhales in an indignant, tired huff and eases back. ]

[medicos]

[ when it comes down to it, bones shows just how incredibly patient he really is for when jim happens to get in a Mood, whatever mood it is. he'll keep on pushing until jim stops pulling away.

he raises his own free hand and curls his fingers around the back of jim's neck to pretend him from pulling away further, a soft touch despite how insistent they seem. there's always a breaking point somewhere. ]

For me, Jim.

[ just say it. ]

[hischair]

[ The tension running down his neck spreads over his shoulders at that touch. A couple of muscles twitch in his arms, fingers squeezing around the hand draped in his own. There's a nasty lump in the back of his throat that fractures his voice ever so slightly when he eases back as much as that touch allows. ]

You're my best friend.

[ That's all he wants to reiterate, even if Bones tries to hear the rest. He's clearly stressing out, in need of a foothold, and that is the one he chooses even as he pushes himself out of his comfort zone. ]

My oldest friend, too. The truth is, I'd miss you if we altered that. So, I'm not being a dick, I'm ... wondering what it'd be like without you around.

I don't like it much.

[medicos]

[ this much, he understands, probably more than jim will ever realize. he could mention that he didn't like it much either when jim died, felt a piece of him being ripped, much worse than when his marriage dissolved to nothing. that was a slow burn, a kinder end, even when she took everything that he loved. jim made him feel like he just lost everything he's ever tried to take back because he never deserved a second chance in the first place.

but that's a fresh, gaping wound that will never heal, and bones has no intention of opening up that can of worms.

serenely: ] Is that all?

[ might as well clear the air now before he responds to it. ]

[hischair]

[ His lips quirk and he smiles as his insides broil, not entirely at ease with Bones's tone but having no real way to express what he's feeling beyond blurting it out to erase the ordinarily irate man's unnaturally even voice. He feels so stupid caring about every aspect of him, right down to why it's never fair to make Bones serious. ]

No, but thinking about making out with you scares me shitless, so congrats on that.

[ It's said flippantly, even if he spreads his fingers around Bones's wrist to hold him there unconsciously. ]

[medicos]

[ bones raises both his eyebrows, but doesn't bat an eyelash. yeah, that kiss on the jaw had been a good enough hint, and the tension in and around jim is so palpable that he can feel it beyond the skin that's touching him. but jim's made his move, regardless of how it was conveyed, so now it's all on bones.

he leans forward and presses a feather-light kiss on the corner of jim's mouth, murmuring words. ]

That's because you know you won't be able to keep up.

[ that wasn't so hard, was it? ]

[hischair]

[ Frigid when a soft kiss ghosts over his lips, he finds himself absently returning it with the slightest lean into Bones's space. His death-grip on a wrist speaks more about the alarm bells peeling through his head, even if he's not so sure he wants to boldly go anywhere with this because no matter what Bones says, he'll get angry and not want to talk to Jim afterward or ... or request a transfer. Something. Jim has every confidence in being able to protect his crew if they stay, but he doesn't know how to make them want to.

Not that he's currently comparing Bones to any random ensign. He knows those lips, their wryness and fine, maybe he's smooched him before like the irritating little shit he is, but that wasn't the same. That was get up, get uuuup, you're late for class, I'm coming to smooch you out of that skanky bed! The part of Jim that kicks his ass in gear to fly by the seat of his pants through anything is grounded to the medbay trolley on which he's sitting, leaden from the neck down.

He could go anywhere in space. Even with Bones being a teasing jerk (which helps) Jim can't force the paranoid tension out. The way he swallows is pronounced all the way down his throat, past a bobbing Adam's apple.

Can't keep up my ass.

So he bites Bones's lower lip by way of a reply more of a puppy lashing out on a chewtoy than anything. ]