dear_mun | on applying to exsilium

Honestly, Ed. You and your adventures.

[One would think they'd had more than a lifetime's worth of them. But saying as much would indicate that she still believes in Narnia, and she can no longer do that, so she simply bites her tongue and shakes her head in what she hopes appears to be exasperated amusement.]

[ He still holds out hope that Susan will come to her senses someday and realize that all that was as real as their boarding school memories :( ]

It keeps me from getting bored, what can I say?

[If only he knew how much that quiet hope sustained her; the fact that he's not given up on her helps her to not give up on the task assigned her, painful though it is.

So she pulls up the now-habitual (ridiculous) indulgent smile.]

One would think you'd find another way to spend your time that didn't involving running about all willy-nilly, but I suppose if it keeps you happy.

[ Oh Susan ;~; If only he knew the truth.

He gives a small sigh. ]

Doesn't much matter either way, does it? I don't think my mun would change his mind about sending me to another world even if I did say I'd had enough.

[And how sad it is that he never can.]

Yes, they're awfully stubborn. Mine has yet to find a place for me, which I suppose I should be grateful for. She's a reputation for making her muses quite miserable.

[Although Susan wonders how much more miserable she could possibly get, all things considering.]

Mine's got a bit of a habit of the sort, too. I should probably be grateful that you're lucky enough to stay out of these places, though. Not only are most of them dangerous, but you'd probably end up alone.

[ Like him. He's barely had any time to settle in to Exsilium and knowing his brother and sisters aren't there with him is harder than anything else to get used to. ]

[There's an aching twist in her chest at his latter words-- because she is alone, in some ways, and has been for some time now. Her smile is a little strained.]

Yes, that would be quite awful.

[In fact...]

Are you all right, then? D'you have any of the others with you, in that place you're in?

[ He frowns a bit, shrugging and looking away from her, before finally shaking his head. ]

No. I mean, I've been told Lu might be joining me in a month or so, but... Not at the moment.

Oh, Ed.

[She hesitates a moment before resting a hand on his shoulder.]

That's terrible. I'm sorry.

[ He manages a small smile for her, going to place a hand on top of hers. ]

I'll be alright. I mean - it's probably for the best, right? A war in some future land isn't a good place to wish on your family.

Perhaps, but still. That's not--

[Not how it used to be. They would fight their wars together, at the very least in spirit if not in arms together. She stops herself from saying it just in time.]

--not right for you to be experiencing on your own.

[ He'd hoped for just a second that she was going to say it wasn't how they'd done things before. That maybe she'd had that glimmer of acknowledgement. But it's gone as quickly as he has a chance to look hopeful and he can't help but let the disappointment show a bit. His hand drops down and he looks at the ground again. ]

I'm tougher than I look, Su. They train you lots and they put sentience to your weapon so it can better protect you in battle, learn you weakness and all.

[It kills her to see the disappointment. She wishes there were a way she could wipe it off his face, but there's nothing she can say that won't be breaking her promise to Aslan.]

That's good, I suppose. But-- You're still my baby brother. I'm going to worry.

[Had even when he was much older than a baby and fighting wars that were in their own lands, years ago.]

[ That earns a soft smile, considering, and maybe even a chuckle. ]

I promise not to get myself killed, alright? Knowing home, I'd probably have just ended up in whatever next war the world wants to get involved in anyway.

You'd better not.

[Mostly he'd better not get himself killed. But also, she really doesn't want him dragged into any more wars. They've had enough of those for a lifetime, too, surely.

He is, however, going to get himself dragged into a hug.]

I love you, mm, Ed? I'd hate to see you get hurt.

[She hopes he remembers that, no matter what.]

[ He's surprised at first, maybe even stiffens a little, just because the whole family knows Ed's not exactly the hugging sort. But he gets himself to wrap his arms around her to return it, closing his eyes. ]

I love you, too, Susan. I'll be okay. I mean it.

[It's nice to hug him, even though he's never been much of one. Susan's always been the slightly more tactile sort, after all, at least when it came to family.

But she'll let go after a moment, a wry sort of smile on her face as she tries to speak lightly.]

If you aren't, I'm going to be very upset with you.

Has anyone ever told you you worry too much?

You have, actually. [Several times.] I still think it's perfectly justified.

You should learn to relax a little - or have more faith in my ability to take down an army.

Oh, I've plenty of faith. You're likely to defeat them through the sheer power of how irritating you can be at time, after all.

[Said with a smile, because joking is easier than saying she'd believe it when she sees it when they both know she already has.]

Although then that just makes me worry you'll irritate them to the point where they'll try to injure you before you can get to them.

Hey! Come on, I'm not that bad. Plenty of people really like being around me, even, I think. [ He's getting more sarcastically defensive than actually taken any offense to it. At least he's learned to take a joke! ]

You'll have to show me these people, then. [It's nice to be able to tease.] Because I'm fairly certain I don't know them.

What about Lu! She adores me... now that I've stopped telling her she's wrong about everything.

[A laugh.] Well, I suppose that's true enough. So there's at least one person.

[ Thinking, THINKING ] I met a real nice girl named Sango who seems to like me, and a woman named Mera, and... You aren't going to know any of these names, I don't know why I'm bothering.

No, do keep going. It's good to know you're finding nice people, at the very least.

[Hopefully they'll look after him even half as well as she and the rest of their siblings tried to.]

[ He snorts, shrugging. ]

I've only been there a while, but people seem nice. Quick to make friends.

Good. It seems like you might need some, there.

[Seems like he might need the family there, really, but friends may have to do.]

I'd prefer you lot, but... I suppose beggars can't be choosers.

Not really, no. Though my mun does say she wants to look into it again.

[Which Susan isn't too terribly thrilled about, but at least Edmund would be there if she went.]

I sympathize with the need for adventures, Edmund! Once you've had one, it's hard to give them up, isn't it?

[ He grins, because there is a face he never thought he'd see again. ]

I guess it's a bit addicting. I was starting to think I wasn't going to get to go on a real one again any time soon.

on applying to exsilium

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How is it that this is already making my heart hurt /o\

Because you've given her the most heartbreaking of storylines CLEARLY

Like Su says. I've a reputation. /o\ Although tbh proper canon is just as bad :|

I prefer your AU if we're going to be frank here. I was always so mad at what they did to Su.

Same. And so I took the fact that Lewis wanted to do more with her and ran with it. B|

I love you for it ;~;

Ffff /o\ I love you and your Ed, too.

Oh fff why thank you ^//^ He's a little rusty, so I'm glad he's still enjoyable.

He's great, and we should totally tag more in the future. <3

I would definitely be up for that :3

\o/ Splendid. But for the moment, I am off to bed. <3 Catch you later /o/

Sleep well! I should head that direction myself.

Hope you had a good sleep by the time you read this! \o/

A long and much needed rest even.

Wonderful! \o/

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Late, so late!

But always welcome!