dear_mun | On upcoming apps [Canon is Arrow]

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On upcoming apps [Canon is Arrow]

Yeah um hi? Excuse me? Mundane is it? Can I just say, that’s a really unflattering name. I mean hearing it doesn’t exactly fill me with confidence where you’re concerned but then that kind of went out the window when you thought that sending me to a sex island was a good idea, didn't it!

Couldn’t we start with one of those other places you seem to like? I mean okay, sure I’m not exactly Knight material but the waiting room for Utopia? That’s something I could work with.

What do you mean there are no computers? Are you trying to bore me to death because if I wanted that I never would have gotten involved with Oliver… Not that I’m involved with Oliver I just mean that I’m his girl… I tweak his system… Operating system. Of his computer.

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...Oh you're going to have fun there. I can tell.

On a sex island? Cause I can think of plenty of things I'm going to have and fun just isn't one of them. Gonorrhoea? Definitely a possibility. Assuming they have STE's there. [And now she's thinking about it.] Or maybe they have some alien hybrid ones...

No STDs and plenty of protection. [Yet there's a degree of sarcasm there. A plain degree of "No I agree with you. I'm just trying to make myself feel better." and completely diminishing the concept of human relationships and how nice they should be.

See. You say protection and I think Trojan and do you know what that is to me? It's something I have to clean off the computers of the many staff at Queen Consolidated who have no business owning a computer in the first place because really, who actually falls for the 'you are our one millionth visitor' links? Click here if you are a complete and total moron and - I've somehow managed to get completely sidetracked here but the point is. The point is that I will tell you my point when I work out what it is.

...You're really cute when you're flustered. Anyone ever told you that?

[Lindsey stop poking people.]

Cute? Me? [And now she's going to awkwardly tuck a piece of hair behind her ear as a flattered yet tight smile tugs at the corners of her mouth.]

Not... often, no. [A beat.] You know it's not a requirement to be nice to me or anything, just because I have a mundane that thinks me and a sex island is a good plan...

I'm nice to everyone. [unspoken: This is not a unique situation to you.] I mean I want to make a good impression. Besides I heard you were good with computers, we need more people like that.

Oh yeah that's definitely more flattering. You just compliment everyone you meet so you can make a good impression.

[Her tone is light however, she's taken no offense.]

Good with computers? Well that's probably the understatement of the millennia but sure, yeah I definitely know my way around one. I was kind of under the impression that calling what the have there technology is kind at best though.

I'm thinking it could be worse, but yeah-- sex island doesn't sound like an island getaway.

Sure it could be worse. I mean look at your brothers island getaway. No Wifi, Twitter, facebook! I suspect he thinks that Charlie the Unicorn is a children's show. [Err.] Not that that's like, the worst thing about being shipwrecked on an island for five years.

[She winces at the mention. She's seen his scars.]

Thinking his was worse. But at least there's no war going on. That's what the mun says.

Thinking you're right. [Awkward and uncomfortable topics are a Felicity forte.]

Wait, war? What war? Nobody said anything about war!

[...]

Tentacle sex? You mean that's an actual thing?! Thing that - as Oliver's younger sister, you should know absolutely nothing about.

[Just going to give you a look.]

I'm not 12 any more. Though I can safely say tentacle sex isn't my thing. In case this gets back to my brother.

Still. I'm going to have to talk to your brother again and telling him that you and I had a conversation about tentacle sex is now one of the top five things I don't want him to know. Up there with the strawberries and whipped cream fantasy. Which... has, absolutely nothing to do with Oliver. Or anyone... Can this please be another one of those things that doesn't get back to your brother?

[She shakes her head.] Definitely not repeating this to anyone. Especially him. I get enough judgment. Plus I'm pretty sure he's not Roy's biggest fan. So boys and sex? Not on our list of conversations.

Plus side to your predicament? You can make that fantasy come true.

Yeah but you're always going to be his baby sister. Even when you're like forty and married and having kids of your own because that's what happens with older brothers and younger sisters. At least I assume so? I don't have an older brother but I did have an imaginary friend once. [Err...] Which is, totally not the point.

Mmmmm. I don't know. I mean the thing about fantasies? They should stay just that. Reality is likely to be horribly disappointing especially when there's a collar that will kill me involved. Trust me, I know.

Trust me, I know. I did the same things he did and he still judged me. [Will always. But at least she's straightened her act up a bit.]

Unless like some really hot guys are there.

Well your brother is pretty much a walking guide in what not to do. The best thing to happen to him was being shipwrecked for five years. For him. His personality I mean. Clearly not for you. Or your Mom. Or - You're Dad. [...]In my head that sounded really profound but repeating it back now, not so much.

Oh I'm pretty sure the really hot guys is just going to create a whole new mess of fantasies.

Really? Because he still seems like the same jerk. [Not that she wants him back on the island, but he's whole alter ego being the same as before is working well.]

Which can be a plus, right?

Yeah but that's just - [So many things she wants to say but can't... Dammit Oliver!] A sibling thing - I imagine.

I'm not sure if you've noticed but I have this thing where I open my mouth and words come out and they just won't stop. Well this thing, that I have, when there happens to be a very attractive man? It kind of kicks into overdrive and then there's not just words but there's words that I wished would have stayed in my head and I'm pretty sure that makes the really hot guys part more of a con, than a pro. You know?

Then be glad he's not your sibling. [Granted Thea wasn't coping in the best ways in the past, but honestly? She was doing just what Oliver was at his age.]

Yeah, I could see that as being a problem. Not that I can talk. I'm in love with a boy who I identified in a line up for stealing my purse.

Oh believe me I am. [For, very, very different reasons.]

Wow that sounds like the result of a bad reality tv dating show. [A beat.] Did you at least get your purse back?

[She laughs.] Damn straight I did. That was a good purse.

Well there you go. A purse and a boyfriend. The last time I lost anything it was my virginity and it didn't result in a boyfriend and I'm sure not getting it back.

[Yep. Things better kept to herself.]

[She laughs at that.] Guess I got lucky there.

You tweak his operating system.

[ aha. is he smiling a little at that? whoops. moving on: ]

Seems kind of fitting that you think your mundane is trying to bore you to death.

There was a computer. It was - It hurt me. Physically hurt.

[Yes! Moving on. Moving on is a really good idea.]

Oh there is nothing fitting about me being on an island that will kill me if I don't have sex. [A beat.] Not that I don't have sex. I like sex, everybody likes sex. Not liking sex is like not liking ice-cream! Well, unless your lactose intolerant I suppose but - you know you can stop me at any time.

[ oh, okay. wow. while auggie's smile dims a little at that first part, it widens when she starts rambling. ]

I could, yeah, but I don't know if I want to. But it's okay. I think people who are lactose intolerant still like ice cream. It just doesn't, you know, agree with them. [ hmm. ] So, no computer and it'll kill you if you don't have sex? Sounds like you hit the jackpot.

Really? Because wanting to would at least stop me from saying every thought that comes into my head and though I'd like to spin it as one of my more endearing qualities, mostly it's just embarrassing... Like, you have no idea.

[Stopping. Stopping now, before her brain does that thing where it makes it all so much worse!]

Then I am definitely Sex-tose intolerant. [It made sense.... In a Felicity kind of way.]

Exactly. It's like she's stamping a bingo card of my worst nightmares and it's going to end in me naked in a classroom taking an exam I haven't studied for.

I guess I really don't have any idea because "endearing" was kind of what I was thinking.

[ really endearing, but hey. it just gets better! ]

Sex-tose intolerant. I'm not quite sure I follow, but I think I get the gist. Maybe it won't be that bad when you get there. Instead of Bingo, it could always be Yahtzee.

[ yeah, okay. he's teasing now. ]

I - Really? Well when you go and put it like that. That helps. That and the fact that you're attractive which, I'm sure you know because you get to see yourself in the mirror every day. [Oh god.] Or, well not. But if you could see you would see that... that you're attractive and that I'm wishing that I could stop the words from coming out of my mouth.

[And she's going to take a moment to mime smacking herself repeatedly in the forehead.]

Bet you're not so sure about the endearing thing, huh... [It would be perfectly okay if she found a table to hide underneath, right?]

Yahtzee is one of those games I'm not good with. It's a game of chance and I like it when I can theoretically predict the outcome of things. I mean the mathematical probability of getting Yahtzee is like One in one thousand two hundred and - you probably don't - care.

[ welp, his smile is back in full force. considering the amount of blind jokes he makes, he isn't offended in the slightest. ]

Never been more sure about it, actually. But I'm glad you think I'm attractive. I do spend a lot of time at the gym, so at least it benefits someone, you know? Hate to think it's all been a waste. [ toooootally kidding. ]

It's a good thing you were thinking more along the lines of Bingo, then. Every place has a pattern and you've already sort of figured this one out, right? That should help. [ a pause and he adds: ] Battleship was always more my thing. Still is.

[And there is an audible sigh of relief as she fans the color from her cheeks. Thank you for making that not one of the top ten most awkward things she's ever said to an attractive man. It would have been top five but believe it or not they were so much worse.]

You have my word, it is definitely not a waste. [Totally not kidding and totally going to stop talking about how attractive you are before she starts sounding creepy...er.]

Oh, be still my geeking heart. See now I'm wondering if your the kind of guy who goes with the seemingly random placement where no ships ever touch or are you a block method man... [She pauses as she mulls that over.] I'm thinking it depends on your opponent.

There's plenty to stay busy with! I mean, there's a library and ... okay, so there's just a library. But others have figured out how to build a computer.

Do people still go to libraries? See my computer? My computer is like a library only with less dust and getting lost in stacks.

I think that I would be quite uncomfortable on a... sex island. I'm glad that my mundane.. will not subject me to that.

Oh I don't think, I know I will be quite uncomfortable on a sex island. Being quite uncomfortable on a sex island is almost like saying that the Holocaust, was quite bad. [A beat.] Not that I'm comparing this to the Holocaust. Because that would be, wrong and I can feel my Bubbe guilt trip from over here. Anyone who thinks that Catholics have the monopoly on guilt trips never had a Jewish grandmother.

[And she takes a breath as she manages to stop that train of thought before it manages to get any worse.]

So... is there like, a Mundane exchange program or something like that? Because I would really like one who wouldn't subject me to that either.

[Spencer nods along, keeping up with her surprisingly well.]

You were trying to create a simile. I understood what you meant quite clearly.

As far as I know, there is no such thing. There may be other versions of you as portrayed by different muns, but there is no way to trade your mun for another. This incarnation of you would cease to be.

[Gold star for Spencer as one of the few people who probably could.]

Yes! Exactly! [A beat.] Wow, that. Almost never happens. Maybe I should just introduce you to everyone I've ever met.

[Oh that doesn't sound good.]

So, when you say, cease to be... Is that a really nice way of saying that I'll die or will it just be like I never existed because, for the record here - I'm not entirely okay with either of those things. Like at all.

That seems like an exponentially large amount of people.

[Spencer would not want to meet that many people. He has trouble meeting a few people.]

I'm guessing that it would be more like you never existed. This version of you exists only inside your mundane's head and therefore cannot exist in another mundane's head. You would be different.

Uh... Not as many as you'd think actually. I don't get out much... I mean I get out. I'm not like a crazy hermit lady with like, nine cats. I'm allergic to cats actually. And nuts. Which, not the point.

[Clamping her mouth shut before that train of thought could get any more derailed.]

Except that I like this version of me seeing as, this version of me, is the only me that I know so... So. Sex island... I'd still really like to register an official objection and put in a request for the waiting room for Utopia. I mean at least that comes with something to look forward to. Computers or no.

[Spencer nods along. He's following but she sure does like to ramble. He's been told that he rambles too, though his is usually about one subject at a time.]

My mun would like it if you came to the waiting room for Utopia for.. reasons, she says.

[Spencer is privy to what those reasons are but would rather not voice them because they're ridiculous.]

[It's true that between the two of them nobody else is likely to get a word in edgeways but at least they'll never be short on conversation.]

Okay, that right there - the reasons thing? Mine now has a grin and I'm beginning to think that I should be worried about what that grin means.

Do you... know what that grin means? Should I be worried? I should definitely be worried shouldn't I?

Her grin? I'm not sure. I can only speak for my mun. She does not like to torture me but she does love to put me in awkward situations.

Oh well I do awkward without help from my mun so that's either going to make this really good or, really, really bad.

Yeah I can.. be awkward too.

Especially around women, so.. that's her favorite, of course.

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On upcoming apps [Canon is Arrow]

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