dear_mun | (no subject)

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canon: mass effect

(no subject)

This is a waste of time. Mine and yours. I got a job to do, and you - don't you have something better to do? Hell, anything? Stop agonising over what sort of face I have and go outside and play. Or something. [Yeah because that's been working out SO WELL lately]

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I'd hate to say it, but I'm not sure even you could get your way out of this.

It's good to see you, Commander.

That's comforting.

Good to see you too, Jacob. How're you holding up?

I'll try harder next time.

Not bad. The girl in charge brings me out every now and then, but I can't complain.

I'd appreciate that. [Hi Jacob your Commander is using inappropriate tones with you again]

Not bad's better than it could be, I guess. [le awkward pause] Is there anything you need?

[HALP! I NEED AN ADULT!]

Torture could make it worse. I'm getting lucky without you around to send me to an uncertain death. [He says it with a smile.] No, I'm good. What about you, Shepard?

Hey. You know I usually only send my crew into certain death situations. [driest tone] Me? [a beat] I could use a beer.

It's only certain when we actually die, Commander. [Dry tone in return.] Unfortunately, I don't just carry one around on me.

Guess I've got the worst track record with that so far. And that is unfortunate. You'd think after everything, the least you'd be entitled to is a cold one.

Maybe you'll get lucky then, go to a place where you can get a brew.

Doesn't look like I'm heading anywhere, at this point. [Which is the worst part]

That's even luckier. The things I've heard happen in those places... [He shakes his head slowly.] Not even a good drink is worth all that.

I've been to dark places before. I don't like just sitting around doing nothing.

There are dark places, Commander, and then there's torture.

[She rolls her shoulder] I'm not eager to throw myself into another no-win situation, but I'm not doing anyone any good being idle like this. There's more of a chance I can help in those places than there is here. Or at least blow something up.

I'm not saying you couldn't be of help there, or that anyone would be lucky to have your help. What you do, Shepard, is something nobody else really can. But you're still human, and even you have limits.

Thanks for the concern. [brushing off all concern, yup]

[He suppresses the eye roll.] I'm not expecting you to be grateful.

Good. I'd hate to disappoint you.

I'm far from it, Shepard.

Eh, at least she settled on something instead of going crazy with your hair and eye color in the end. Not that I give a shit, but I doubt that'd go well with your military.

There isn't much I do these days that does go over well with them.

C - Shepard. [Handshake times?]

Juuuust out of curiosity, have you ever just gone outside and played a day in your life, Shepard?

Asking about my childhood, Garrus?

Why not? That is how it works with humans, right? You're all tiny at one point, or so I hear. Even with you, it must've happened.

What if I told you I sprang fully formed out of my father's head?

[His voice is oh-so-dry.] That would be terrifying, and I would probably believe it.

Me, terrifying? [echoing his tone] I'm hurt.

If you were going for soft and cuddly, you might want to cut down on the punching so many people in the face.

Next you'll be telling me I should stop shooting them, too.

Well, I'm just saying that does kind of lend itself to a certain image. But it works for you, I guess.

I'm pretty sure the only thing they have to do is dedicate their lives to making yours suck.

Nice try, though.

I'm starting to think there's a line.

Hey, I'm in agreement. They just tend to ignore it.

Thanks, Joker. [You're so comforting :|]

Just trying to keep it in perspective, Commander. [That's what he's here for. :|]

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