probably spoilers in comments

[captains]

There isn't anything I'd like to talk about less, than that movie.

[It's probably the most irrelevant bit of information for his entire life, oh my god]

Let's talk about the Prime Directive. Ignoring it, well, we've seen how well that works out for me. So your bright idea? Drop me somewhere where temporal warfare is the whole point. And then you go and get Bones dragged in along for the ride.

[Which, yeah going through hell with his best friend, easier than going without. But it's not conductive to Bones' continued life span, you dick]

I think I've been pretty cooperative, up until now. Right up until they started messing with things they don't understand, and got a home world destroyed.

It's like- [Watching Vulcan all over again, and he knows that keenly. Still remembers how it felt] A no win.

And I can't do that. [Can't live that a third time. Can't turn a blind eye and refuse to help because it's the safest, protocol defined option. Can't try to help and realize it doesn't matter, know that he could have done something that'll have an even bigger ripple on the timelines-

It's where he draws the line. Throws in the towel and backs off]

Comments

[admirals]

[Or maybe he could just stop and think about things for once, like the rules and listen.]

Giving up is different from following the rules.

[captains]

Not from where I'm standing.

[He's never listened to anyone, and just because sometimes Pike is the exception, it doesn't mean- After everything- that it's going to continue.

Kirk only gets pushed if he wants to be] But you'd know all about it, if you'd stuck around.

[admirals]

[Oh did he really just...?

Yes, yes he did. He can't even form a response to their previous argument when he's saying things like that.]

Really? You're really going to do this?

[captains]

[There's a few seconds of silence. He'd been- Not perfect, but he'd been so much better for a little while. But old habits die hard, and it's- He remembers how much easier it is, to lose it all to the anger, to lashing out at convenient targets. Drowning it in sex, and alcohol.

It's not fair- But life has never operated on that system, so why should Kirk?]

Yeah, I really am.

[admirals]

[Life's not fair, it just depends on how you handle it. Really, taking it all out with anger just makes life easy but it doesn't fix anything.

And playing fairly means less of a chance to get smacked.]

You're going to blame me, for dying, while you were off trying to kill the man instead of rescuing the rest of us? Instead of bringing us the supplies you sent out that window?

/SCREECH

[captains]

[When has he ever been interested in it being fixed? Misplacing blame, getting even, pushing until things bend to him- It's the better method.

So is running. He's not sure why you forgot that. But it's like flipping a switch, from angry to livid within seconds]

Taking him out was supposed to save all of you! He wasn't going to stop shooting until all of us were dead! [At least he'd done something more than cower behind a table and wait for the inevitable. And- Throwing the first aid kit out the window might have been poor planning but- It wouldn't have saved you from the wound you'd suffered.

But Spock was there- And god, that's old hat. Blaming Spock for everything. But he can't deny the technical truth. Spock had watched Pike get shot, had dragged him away and waited for him to die.

Still- It's not like he doesn't know he should have been there. Having not been, it's going to haunt him for the rest of his life]

[admirals]

[There are days he thinks Jim will get better, but then well, there's days like today where he forgets that Jim is Jim. And also that he may have had a hand in things.

But running doesn't solve things and he stamps down with his cane and frowns. And tries to not be irritated but he is and it's hard not to be.]

And leave those of us that can't move as fast, can't walk, to the hands of one man who gave a damn! What good is getting rid of the threat when his victims are dead anyway!

[Okay his voice did rise at that, he's defensive but also frustrated. Frustrated he can't fix a damn thing in either case.]