(spoilers for 8x23) (voicetesting, so forgive the shake and quake)

[watchthethrone]

Secretary - that's what you are, right? - be a peach and jot down a quick note for me.

I want Sam Winchester's head on on a plate in addition to his brother's eyes as key chains. I think it'd make a good centerpiece for catering. Big plans, you know.

An while you're at it, get me a list of redheads. I think I've gotta type now, and from-the-bottle just doesn't cut it.

Comments

[integrity]

I look forward to the day where Hell tosses you aside like the piece of garbage you are.

[A thin smile.

Small-talk is for friends, right? Best just get to the good parts.]

[watchthethrone]

Why, so I can slum with you, trash?

[But Crowley, darling, aren't we just the best of friends?]

Believe it or not, not all of us are complete failures.

[integrity]

You know, our combined talents built an empire. A massive powerhouse of demonic power and magic and, really, we should all be quite proud ourselves for managing that with nothing more than a bit of brilliant political strategy and some dust in the wind.

[He dusts off his sleeve.]

Shame you brought nothing to the table.

[watchthethrone]

[She smiles wryly before tilting her head back.]

Sweetie, can we talk demon to demon? [...she says that, yet for some reason she sounds a lot like a kindergarten teacher on the first day of school.] You've had a good run. I was shocked when I heard that Hell's own pudgy used car salesman had got himself the cushy office job. In fact, I was pretty pissed, as you could imagine.

[She shrugs.]

But I got over it when I figured out how you did it. You crossroad demons are so...predictable. It's kind of sad, really. Working of the backs of hunters and angels, slipping in the cracks....

Really, it's no surprise you lost power as easily as you got it.

[integrity]

[There's a brief silence as Crowley mulls over that fact. And, realistically, there's not much he can do now. He's stuck in limbo, trapped inside the emotional vortex the Winchesters forced upon him, and no demon came to his aide when he asked.

But the idea that it was easy -- ]

You are such a simple-minded fool.

[It's quiet, soft.]

You are precisely why the hunters are so determined to wipe us all off the map. You are the reason why Lucifer needed to be put back into his time-out corner. Demons aren't to be shoved into little clean-cut boxes to be tortured for the rest of eternity, they have a potential about them that mindless drones like you refuse to see. So --

[And the King shrugs, because no matter who is seated in his office, Crowley is the King, and he will always be the King, and Abaddon is nothing more than a stupid spoiled Daddy's girl, like the rest.]

You can go ahead and take my office, and take the throne, and rule over them all with an iron fist, but you will never change the fact that I turned Hell into something respectable, and though you might have them wrapped around your manicured fingers now, you won't keep them there for long.

[watchthethrone]

[For a moment, it seems as though he's gotten under her skin - probably the Lucifer comment - but it's fleeting. Instead, her shoulders throw back and she laughs.

And laughs.

And laughs.]

Your really are the most precious little swindler, aren't you? I almost feel bad for the Winchesters turning you into their bitch.

[Once she seems to be through with her amusement, she gives him a simple, even smile.]

I can't deny that I enjoy torture as much as the next gal, but that's the problem with both you and those "generals" before. You have no drive or creativity.

[integrity]

[Crowley doesn't look bothered by the laughing. It happens a lot. But it's not Crowley's problem that no one took him seriously when he snarled 'one day you'll all work for me' in Hell's sandbox, right?]

Why do all of you have such a startling lack of self-respect for yourselves?

[It's still said in his quiet tone, but he's beginning to find that catty part of himself, buried inside whatever the Hell the Winchesters did to him.]

The meathooks of Hell are a little too old school for the new age philosophy of dehumanization that my version of Hell provides.

[The 'moron' is unspoken, but somehow, it still manages to be delivered loud and clear.]

[watchthethrone]

Crowley, you wound me.

[Delicately, she places her hand on her chest.]

We've hardly met properly before all this, and I feel like you've unfairly put with the others.

[integrity]

I don't need to be properly introduced to you to know what you are.

[He was Lilith's favorite, after all. He knows the old school just as well as he does the new.]

Lucifer's not around to hold your hand and tell you what to do, sweetheart. You enjoy that sudden weight of responsibility when you have millions of demons asking you what to do and where to go and how to work.

I give you six months before you crack.

[watchthethrone]

Do you think so?

[There's the tiniest bit of curiosity in her eyes, but honestly? Who knows what it really is.]

If we're being so honest in our opinions here, may I ask you a bit of a personal question?

[integrity]

[Crowley knows so, and he's almost tempted to tell Abaddon to go choke, but he doesn't quite have the energy.]

Go on.

[watchthethrone]

Before you were king of hell, before you were king of the crossroads, what were you?

[It's clear she doesn't mean when he was human; Abaddon wouldn't care about that.]

[integrity]

[ -- well. Crowley had expected something a bit more personal than that. And he supposes he could go into detail about how he was a crossroads demon, and an excellent one, but that's not quite true. He could go into detail about how he was Lilith's favorite -- how he worked his way out of the Pit on his own talents, and no one else's.

But in the end, none of that matters, and focusing on that creates an odd weight on his chest, that's nearly suffocating, and Crowley decides to just be bluntly honest.]

I was a demon.

[And he shrugs, just a little.]

That's all.

[watchthethrone]

Do you remember what that's like? You don't seem like the type who'd forget.

[As much as she hates him, she can see something like that in him - at least the way he presents.]

[integrity]

[The first rule of Fight Club is you don't talk about Fight Club, isn't it? And Crowley doesn't particularly want to share his experiences as a lowly demon with the scum that's assisted in taking away everything from him -- so he won't. Still -- ]

Imagine being impossibly brilliant and trapped into a tiny box with absolutely no outlet -- and knowing that you can do better, but you don't have the opportunity to prove it.

[It was Hell.

Quite literally.]

[watchthethrone]

[Awww, they cold have had story time! Abaddon doesn't seem too broken up about it.]

Exactly. And then you crawl out of the pit you were born from, scratching at the walls until your fingers aren't anything but bloody stumps and everything in you is broken. But you keep crawling because it's all you know how to do.

[Hell sounds just perfect for a vacation spot, doesn't it?]

I can't believe some demons forget about that - or they never had to d it.

[...oddly nonchalant about all this, Abby.]

[integrity]

So you're just going to tear it all down, bring it back to square one, and take away the brief moment of sanity they had.

[There's the slightest scoff, an almost-laugh, but there's no happiness or mirth to it, as Crowley slides his hands into his pockets.]

Congratulations.

[watchthethrone]

Of course. You have me all figured out.

[Eyebrows raised. Really. Really?]

[integrity]

[And Crowley just extends his hands, an open invitation for Abaddon to continue.

If she's not going to destroy everything he built, then what is she going to do?]

[watchthethrone]

[Just a blithe little smile.]

Oh my, you know I may have said too much already. Can I really trust a demon that the Winchester's picked apart?

[integrity]

You haven't got anyone to trust in the world, darling. You run Hell now. You're alone.

[With just a blithe smile back.]

Best get to enjoying your vice of choice.

[bureaucracy]

You can try, but you won't touch either one of them.

[She gives only about two and a half fucks about the Winchesters as people, but as humans - and demon-bait? Oh, yes.]

[watchthethrone]

[Now this is interesting. She hasn't seen an angel up close and personal in some time.]

Don't make promises you can't keep, little bird.

[picassos_razor]

I'd be more than happy to assist you with the Winchesters. Though here at least, you probably don't need to worry about the meat.