dear_mun | if his voice isn't solid it's because he's trying to leave, y/n? also finale spoilers are welcome

Kev, come on, look.

[Seems like he starts out a lot of his conversations that way, doesn't it?]

Trust me, I get it. But I mean, seriously? It's not so bad. You get kinda used to it. There're worse places to be, is all I'm saying.

Really? That's what you're going with?

I'm sure you can get used to it, but I don't want to get used to it. I don't want any of this. I read your stupid demon tablet, I helped you like I said I would. And now I'm out.

It was either that or life sucks, get a helmet.

[He shrugs a little. Not a lot of sympathy on this end, man, sorry.]

Hate to break it to you, kid, but let's face the facts here. Every lowly demon piece of shit on the planet's gonna know who you are, and they're not gonna start coming. And who do you think those fallen angels are gonna turn to for answers? Probably the kid who can read the word of God. You can listen to some Good Charlotte and cry, or you can get with the program. That's all there is to it.

Right. Because you could kill my mom if it meant killing Crowley, but you couldn't let Sam sacrifice himself to close the gates of Hell.

[ It's a low blow, he's well aware, but that was months of work, and he did lose his mother, and he was about to give his own life to help the cause. He only lived because Metatron pulled him out. ]

[It is a low blow, and he ducks his head for a second. Only a second, though, before he's looking back up again.]

No. And yeah, I know, that's selfish. I was wrong for how I handled your mom, and I'm sorry.

[A beat, and he follows up on it softly.]

I'd sooner set myself on fire then lose him again, gates of hell or no. Doesn't make me right. Doesn't mean it's good. That's just the way it is.

Well, that's great for you. I don't have that choice anymore. I nearly killed myself reading the demon tablet, and all for nothing, so you think I'm really eager to go through all that again? You can figure your own mess out this time, Dean.

[ Though what Dean said about the demons coming for him, the former angels needing answers -- that's running through his mind. That's nagging at him maybe a little, actually. He doesn't want to admit it because he does want out, but maybe more than that, he wants it all to be over. And those are two different things.

He knows they need him to read the tablets. If he could get away though, if he could get a break, if he could just taste freedom, normalcy -- it's worth a shot. ]

[Kevin's right. He knows it. He's a hypocrite of the worst kind, a great big flaming jackass. He didn't spare a wink of sleep over Kevin's mom but Sam was enough to make him call the whole thing off and the thing is? Even with time and perspective and that knowledge, he'd still rather sacrifice the world than Sam.

But Kevin does deserve a break. Kid gave his goddamn sanity for a cause that he and Sam screwed the pooch on.

A contemplative moment of silence has him passing a hand over his mouth and nodding slowly.]

Alright.

[Another moment, where he seems to need to cement it with himself.]

Yeah, alright, if that's what you want, we can make it work. Find you a place, get you a new name, a new identity, take some precautions, maybe get a few people looking after you from a distance, see if we can give you a shot at the Stanford life.

[There's no point anymore anyway, is there? The angels fell, who needs an angel tablet? No way in hell Dean's letting Sam sacrifice himself, so much for the demon tablet. Best they can do is stash the damn things away in a corner somewhere and forget they exist.

And help Kevin get his life back.]

[ That... went... well. He blinks in surprise, the tension and the anger relaxing slowly, reluctantly. He thought he would've had to fight harder, but Dean's promising him a life and it sounds realistic, except for the Stanford part. ]

Really? [ He's cautious about where he throws his hope these days, but some of it sneaks into his voice. ] You mean that?

Well, no, okay, not Stanford, but yeah to the rest of it.

[It's the least he can do. It's seriously like the least he can do, because it requires a lot less effort than some of the alternatives.

He breathes out a sigh.]

Look, it ain't gonna be easy, and it's gonna take... time. A hell of a lot of checking and updates and check-ins and some serious warding. It ain't ever gonna be what it was before, but we can give you something.

[Probably. Sorta. Nobody's ever had it before, not really. Bobby was never out of the game. Nobody ever leaves once they're in, but Kevin... Kevin's just a kid, just a prophet, and he's got the Winchesters running interference for him.

Hell, maybe they'll get lucky.]

[ Now it sounds even more realistic, and like it's actually going to happen, and the ease with which he got to this point is... He shouldn't feel unsettled. This is what he wanted. No more living in Garth's houseboat, no more working himself to death, no more nosebleeds or psychotic breaks and no more microwavable burritos, like, ever. ]

I can do that. I did do all that, remember? I even outran you and Sam. [ All on his own, too. Kevin can make himself disappear again. ]

Hell of a difference between running and staying, kid, trust me.

[He says it with a wary cock of his head. Running's easy. Staying's hard. It's a whole new set of challenges and circumstances, many of which he isn't equipped to handle.

Bobby would.

Bobby's not here, though.]

'Specially if you're angling for a life.

[ That's a good point. Does he want to squat in abandoned houses again? He would like a job he thinks, or at least a chance to see people other than demons, Sam, Dean, Garth, and Castiel. College would be ideal, but maybe too far out of his reach. It's probably too late to apply for the fall anyway. ]

I can do it. [ He's not exactly repeating himself. He's adjusting his position; he believes he can do what Dean's describing. ]

I... I'll find a way to work from home. I'm good with computers. And... And no keggers. [ He has half a smile for that one. ] I won't get too close to anyone. I'll be safe. I promise.

Where, exactly, do you think you're going to go?

[ Castiel will stop him if he does try to leave, but first he's curious. Also if he manages to get away, it would be good to have a lead to hand off to Dean so that they can retrieve him.

They need him to finish translating the tablet so that they can fix this. ]

Anywhere. I don't care. After living on Garth's houseboat, I'm pretty ready to take anything I can find. And don't give me another speech about my duty -- I've done my duty. I've sacrificed enough. You think I want to turn into Sam and Dean?

[ Wrong thing to say, Kevin. Castiel scowls at him. Maybe their lives aren't idea, but the Winchesters are good men who do the right thing. They taught Castiel a lot about free will and responsibility to the bigger picture. ]

What's wrong with Sam and Dean?

[ He doesn't care. So Castiel is scowling at him; he isn't afraid of him. Even if he should be. ]

Look at their lives! Living in motels, eating cheap food, having like no friends -- that's where I already am, and I don't like it. I want to have my life back. I never signed up for this, and I've already done enough.

I don't see what your hair has to do with any of this.

[Despite the almost joke there, Castiel doesn't seem to find any of this amusing. He's already explained things to Kevin, about what a prophet means, about how there's no getting out. No matter how hard he tries to pull away from the situation, he will always be pulled back in. He will always be used.

Then again, angels are now a thing of the past. It's clear in the dark bags under his eyes, in the extra facial hair, in an overwhelming sense of tired that seems to have hit Castiel like a ton of bricks.

At this point, what does he know? He's already made his mistakes, and while he can't expect Kevin to fix them, he can at least warn him that running away is not an option and never will be.

Though he would have preferred he'd been heard the first time.]

[ Look, Kevin heard him, and he helped. He read as much of the tablet as he could to figure out that Metatron was lying, and that's all they asked of him. And you know what good came out of it? Nothing. The angels still fell, the gates to Hell are still wide open, Crowley is still alive. So what did they need him for in the end anyway? To be the rope in their game of Tug of War?

Kevin never signed up for this. Kevin is a person, not just a prophet, and he's not some tool for people more powerful than him to keep using over and over again. That's what the Leviathan wanted, and Crowley, and then Dean and Sam and Cas. They're no different. In Kevin's anger and frustration right now, they're no different to him than any of the others. ]

According to her, it's the only good thing that's happened to me since I became a prophet. [ He looks thoughtful for a second. ] I kind of agree.

[Castiel isn't going to argue that becoming a prophet is some kind of blessing. No, being linked to the angels in any way is more or less a curse, and he's well aware of that. But Kevin has been chosen, and as much as Castiel has tried to be a champion for free will, he's also realized recently that no matter what he does, it doesn't seem to make a bit of difference.

All their efforts, and the gates of Hell have not been closed. Instead, he and all of his siblings are human, leaving every soul in Heaven unguarded and possibly open to some kind of attack. And the only person he can blame for that is himself.]

It's not a position to be wished on anyone. It's predetermined, inscribed on your soul. Regardless of what you do, that will not change.

[Which means that he'd be safest staying with him, Dean, and Sam. He'll be put to work, yes, but that's a better place to be than dead. In theory, at least -- it's not as if Castiel hasn't had his own share of suicidal thoughts.]

Yeah? Well, that sucks. [ He knows that going out on his own will bring its own dangers with it, but being with Sam and Dean wasn't exactly a picnic either. They didn't do a great job of keeping him safe, and reading the tablet nearly destroyed him. So his options are what? Go into hiding, maybe die, do nothing worthwhile vs. stay with Sam and Dean, maybe die, do nothing worthwhile? ]

What else do you want from me? I've given everything, and it didn't even matter. Why would I want to help any of you again?

[ He knows why; he feels a sense of duty, and Sam and Dean and Castiel are the only people he really has left who he can trust to have a moderately better chance at not being destroyed by demons. Still, they pissed him off. ]

[How eloquent. Maybe it "sucks," but that doesn't stop it from being the truth, and Castiel would prefer that this boy understands that sooner rather than later. It will save him some grief in the end. Because Castiel knows what it's like to fight one's own fate, and it ends painfully. The pounding headache that he's dealing with now is proof of that.

On the other hand, he understands Kevin's feelings on this to an extent. All that work to open the gates of Hell, and nothing had come of it. All of their plans had completely failed, but giving up and running away isn't going to fix anything.]

The demons will come after you. If not Crowley, then someone else. [Because everything is up in the air with Crowley at the moment, and who knows what's happening there. If both of them have been made human, Castiel won't know what to make of that.] In the end, Sam and Dean are the safer choice. And there's still that angel tablet, I'll remind you. We have no idea what's on it.

[Because he'd fallen into that trap, and he'll take that blame with open arms. Castiel's already paying the ultimate price for that, though.]

[ Kevin can be eloquent if he wants; he rocked his SAT Verbal score. Sucks gets his message across nicely, though; he doesn't need to pull out the more creative verbs. Anyway, he's angry, and Castiel is part of that. He didn't have anything to do with the Hell gates, and Kevin doesn't know how he feels about all the angels falling, but Castiel reminds him of why he needs to be here.

Kevin never wanted to be a superhero; his goals were always much more grounded than that. Here he is though, being told he's the prophet and no one else can do what he can do. Maybe one day this will be over. Maybe if he reads the angel tablet, then he can be done; that makes sense, right? There aren't any other tablets after that.

He sighs. ]

It'll take months to translate. [ no no no no ugh. He sighs again and shakes his head, giving up. ] Do you think there's something on it that'll get the angels back in Heaven?

[There's a concession there, pure anger and frustration fading into something else. Resignation, maybe? Castiel has no choice but to push at it, to force this human boy, young as he is, to continue to strain himself for the good of...

Of what? They have no idea what's on that tablet, but that's the entire problem. Until they find out, they can't just give up. He doesn't know if his Grace can ever be regained, but maybe there's still hope for the rest of the angels.]

I don't know. [He admits it, because it's the truth. When it comes down to it, Castiel isn't the deceptive type.] I hadn't even been aware that an angel tablet existed until recently. But Metatron's spell had nothing to do with it, as you proved. Which means there's some other information to be garnered there.

[And there's the smallest chance that might be their saving grace.]

So what you're telling me is that the fate of angelkind rests on my shoulders and what I can pick up from this tablet?

[ In his anger, he really hadn't cared about the angels falling, but now the sympathy's coming in. Castiel was tricked, and none of the other angels asked to be expelled from Heaven. They've all been cast out of their home, too. And sure, they haven't done a good job of keeping him safe, like, at all, but they don't seem like all bad people. ]

Can I stay in the bunker this time? [ At least the sense of urgency won't be as intense. Maybe he can avoid going slightly crazy and hallucinating. ]

[What Castiel doesn't understand is why Kevin wasn't moved to the bunker in the first place. A prophet is a valuable asset, something you keep safe, and so the fact that the Winchesters had left Kevin on his own to do his work had seemed... unwise, to say the least.]

That's ultimately up to them, but... I'll speak with them. [Castiel doesn't know if the tablet will truly be able to help them, but he also doesn't think that he can go on without knowing what's written on it.

It seems that Kevin is coming around to the idea. Castiel is hardly in a state to be a guardian anymore, but deep down, he's still an angel. That means that he'll do whatever it takes to keep the prophet safe until his work is done.

And then, after the angel's tablet is translated -- maybe then Kevin will have a chance at peace.]

[ He prefers his space, and he'd gotten used to the solitary confinement of Garth's houseboat, but that place is one hotbed of a bad memory, and the bunker was pretty cool. And huge. He could hide in there, and they wouldn't have to disturb him. Maybe he'd have a shot at getting better food while he works on this tablet...

He can't even believe he's considering it, but then... he kind of can. ]

Thanks. [ His shoulders slump, and he crosses his arms as he frowns. ] Is it true? Once you get into this life, you... never really get out?

[It's not the sort of question Castiel would expect to be asked, because Castiel isn't a hunter to begin with. "Getting into the life" isn't a good description of his experience, as he was created for it.

Still, he can speak of what he's observed.]

Judging from the hunters I've encountered... yes, I would say that's true. [Though there's only one way that Kevin's likely to see that for himself, and that's by urging him to imagine himself moving back into a position without the "life."]

Do you believe you could return to your studies and to your previous social life while knowing about demons and angels and have it be exactly like what you're remembering?

[Castiel doesn't think it's possible, just like he could never return to being a loyal soldier in Heaven when he knows the truth of what his superiors had been doing. Though now he doesn't even have that choice -- none of the angels do, as none of them are angels anymore.]

[ Kevin slumps further. ]

Not exactly the same, no. [ He thinks about it, really thinks about it, chewing his bottom lip as he imagines what it might be like to be at Princeton right now, surrounded by people who don't know what's out there. ]

I have to believe there's more for me out there than just... tablets and seizures and microwavable burritos.

What happens when I read the angel tablet? [ He sits up a little straighter. ] Th- That's it, right? No more tablets. Nothing left for me to read.

In theory, yes. [Castiel doesn't mean to drag Kevin's mood down even further. That's just how he is, blunt to a fault. He doesn't know the meaning of sugarcoating something, nor does he see the point of it. Mercy isn't mercy if it's false.]

My point was that... this is bound to follow you, even if your work is done. [It doesn't even matter if no demons or angels ever come after Kevin again; he's still going to have that knowledge and those memories and they're likely to haunt him.]

It's possible that you'll start having visions, but that's not a guarantee. [He isn't all that good at carefully dropping that bit of information, either. Sorry, Kevin.]

[ It doesn't seem fair that he has to take up some mantle he never even knew was a real thing, and that he got shuffled into it so blindly, and then was on his own for so long. He wants to be on his own again, but he feels the shackles chaining him to being a prophet. If he fights against them hard enough, maybe he can escape... Or at least until the next thing comes up? ]

Visions? Like, seeing the future? [ That'd been what he thought prophets did, before all this started. ]

That's great. What else can I look forward to? Other than probably a shortened lifespan.

Those are the main things. [Reading the Word of God, visions of the future... Castiel doubted that Kevin really wanted there to be anything else. It seemed that he was just as fond of sarcasm as the Winchesters, then.

As for a shortened lifespan, that's up for debate.] In theory, you should be safe, protected... but there are no longer any angels to see to that for you. [So yes, there's a possibility that Kevin might suffer an early death. As much as he and Dean and Sam might work for it to be otherwise, that hardly ever seems to make a difference.]

Does that... I mean, can you just walk away from being a prophet?

[ Whenever he tried to just walk away, the angels had stopped him, threatened him. Kevin has received no such threats, but then again, Kevin is a very different prophet. ]

[ He sighs heavily. ] No. But that doesn't mean I can't try.

[ Even he knows this sounds irresponsible and petulant, but he's eighteen and he's allowed. Plus, Dean and Sam were pretty irresponsible and selfish. ]

I don't know why they even want me to stay. They don't listen to anything I say anyway. The hell gates are wide open, and the angels still fell. So what was I here for?

I don't know. Uh, protection, maybe?

[ Being a prophet - being able to read and see the will of God - it's kind of a rare, unique, powerful thing. Chuck's always had archangels looking after him, to keep any danger away.

But Kevin doesn't have any of that. He has to keep himself safe. And Kevin might want his own life, but, well... being alive kind of trumps that, right? ]

[ He snorts, even if that's somewhat true. He thinks he could've handled himself fine if he'd been left to his own devices. ]

A lot of good it did me. I had a mental breakdown, a couple of strokes, and Crowley still managed to kidnap me and take me to his secret lair.

if his voice isn't solid it's because he's trying to leave, y/n? also finale spoilers are welcome

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keywords!

u mad bro?

only a little. i'm sorry about him D:

don't apologize for perfection mi amigo

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I just had to.

GOOD

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Sorry for the delay on this!

ditto!

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Don't mind me~

oh haaaay

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