Glorious[?] return

[spazmatoidstarling]

 Ohmigod where the fuck have you been?! I've been so bored that it's not even funny and only now you come back? Ugh, that's so fucking rude that I can't even believe it! I was totally about to get asked out by some gross, nasty-ass monster guy but now I'm gonna end up a crazy cat lady because you wrecked everything!

Ugh, this is so fucked up - and not in the good way!

Comments

Goddamn, Ken Ashcroft icon keywords and everything.

[strongestcoward]

What's wrong with being a crazy cat lady? You're half way there already. You simply need the cats.

The fact you get the reference makes everything perfect.

[spazmatoidstarling]

But I hate cats! This stupid one scratched me once when I was a kid and it totally fucked me up for life!

You also chose the best bit.

[strongestcoward]

What, did it scratch you in the brain?

I try~

[spazmatoidstarling]

How would a cat even scratch someone's brain? That's stupid. You're stupid, too.

[strongestcoward]

[Personal space just got punched in the nuts, Asura is all getting up in her grill.]

You are an exceptionally rude young woman.

[spazmatoidstarling]

[Bring it on, Rosalind isn't scared.]

And you're a masoperv. Don't think I forgot what a sick creep you are, Kiki.

[strongestcoward]

And still wanted me to ask you out! Gyahahahahaha!

[Boop, nose poke.]

[spazmatoidstarling]

More like you wanted to ask me out!

[Gonna try biting that finger, just like the old days.]

[strongestcoward]

[Unlike the old days, his finger comes right off. Fortunately, it also turns into a puff of dark...stuff that fades away and so does the rest of him. Oh dear, he's gone forever.

And now Asura is behind her.]

You're not an especially honest person, either.

[spazmatoidstarling]

[Mama, just killed a man-- Wait no, he's fine.]

I am totally honest, like, all the time. You're full of shit, though - you had the hots for me.

[She's not gonna bother turning around, she'll just examine her neon coloured nails and hum.]

You popped like a thousand boners the last time we hung-out. It was so fucking gross and creepy!

[strongestcoward]

So basically-

[He casually drapes himself over her, so his chin is on her head and his arms are hanging over her shoulders. He weighs like nothing, despite being a tall ass mother fucker.]

-you liked it.

[spazmatoidstarling]

Ugh, get off. You're gonna get perv germs all over me.

[She doesn't push him off, though she aims to headbutt his chin pretty hard.]

Bleh, who'd like you boners? I bet they're super-duper tiny! Ew, ew, ew I just imagined it! You're making me weird, you jackass!

[strongestcoward]

[Bonk. His neck bends backwards, but then just comes right back around to where he started.]

Ke-ke-ke. So, what you're actually saying is, you only like big boners. You're such a pervert.

[Taking a page out of someone else's book, yes.]

[spazmatoidstarling]

I'm not a fucking pervert!

[Moodswing time.]

You're such a jerk! Just shut up!

[She tries to squirm away from him, all while looking like she's just about ready to deck him in the mouth.]

Ugh! Boys are so lame!

[strongestcoward]

Shush, shush shush...

[As usual, he swings in the opposite direction and becomes extremely calm, and lets out some soothing noises. He's also not getting off though.]

It's okay, you know. You can really say and do and like what you want. I won't mind.

[spazmatoidstarling]

Fuck off!

[She lashes out, wildly swinging her arms in an attempt to smack him across the face. It's this lack of control that probably got her kicked out of karate classes as a child.]

I don't like big dicks, you loser! You're the one taking about them!

[strongestcoward]

[Smack! He falls right off and just stays on the ground.

He's okay with it. His scarves open up entirely.]

So what type of dicks do you like?

[spazmatoidstarling]

Ew, what kind of question is that? It's so gross that I kind of wanna laugh! But I also wanna hit you some more... Wah! What should I do?!

[Wait, she's got it. She'll try to kick him in the side while giggling! Yes, that's totally sane.]

Ah! Just go die, already!

[strongestcoward]

[Bong! Good old black blood.

Completely calmly and without any emotion-]

You're cute.

[spazmatoidstarling]

[Damn it, she forgot about that. Still, that's not going to stop her trying to kick him, again.]

Huh... really? It's not gonna stop me beating you up, but thanks. Unless you didn't mean it, in which case you can fuck off!

[strongestcoward]

Yes. Really.

[He hops up onto his feet and stares her right in the eye... And the eye and the eye.]

Want to go out some time?

[caster_blaster]

I wasn't aware there was a good way.

[spazmatoidstarling]

There is! It's like when something is so fucked that it's just perfect!

[caster_blaster]

I spend most of my time on a space vessel. Something "fucking up" could kill you in deep space. I prefer everything nice and stable.

[spazmatoidstarling]

You mean like an explosion? Fuck, you'd totally choke to death if that happened! Your head will swell up, too, and you'd fucking die! It's disgusting! But I love it! I think I'm going to puke!