The Games | Muse is pissed

[the_hit_list]

Listen, Mun - this is a bad idea. There's no way it's going to work out in your favor or mine. I take up a lot of your time, and you've got two other kids bouncing around in here that won't shut up about how terrible they've got it. I'm the one you put in the Arena.

Yeah, okay. Fine. I miss Kon. That doesn't mean that I want him here. He's died once already, and I can't deal with that again. It's bad enough that Steph's here with me, and Bruce - now you're going to offer apping a character somewhere in trade for Conner Kent, just to put me through having to see my best friend die again?

I fucking hate you. I can't take much more of this. Don't lie to me; it's not so I can have someone to talk to. I don't want to talk about my feelings. I'm not allowed to have them.

Comments

[t_t_k]

Whoa whoa WHOA. What now?

[the_hit_list]

I've been having a bad week.

[Dying will do that to him.]

[t_t_k]

Okay, so deep breaths and tell me exactly what's going on.

[ Been there done that got the tshirt. ]

[the_hit_list]

Six weeks ago, I got time-napped and sent a few thousand years in the future on some alternate Earth. I just got through my first round of this never-ending Hunger Games thing, and now I'm stuck at this party. I'm gonna have to watch Steph get killed by a dragon, and... shit, Kon. I'm pretty sure I killed someone.

[t_t_k]

...you sure? That doesn't sound like you.

[the_hit_list]

No, I kinda... died first. I don't know what happened. He was bleeding though, before he killed me.

[t_t_k]

...that's not exactly good news either.

[flyingg]

Of course you're allowed to have feelings, Timmers.

[the_hit_list]

Not here. They'll only get me in trouble.

... don't call me that. I'm not 12.

[flyingg]

Tim... [Quietly.] There's a difference between not having feelings and not showing them. Also a difference between not having feelings and not letting people use them against you.

... right.

[the_hit_list]

[Sighs.] I know, Dick. I really do. I just - I don't know how long I can pretend that I don't.

[flyingg]

[Long breath out. Then Dick. Reaches out, calling Tim in for a hug.]

C'm'ere.

I believe in you, Timmy. Tim. You'll find a way to make it through that place and still be you, that's how you are, but... Sometimes, I need to say it, too. I believe in you.

[the_hit_list]

[Tim kinda. Falls into the hug, because it's completely what he needs right now and isn't going to get otherwise anytime soon.]

Thanks. I - I'm gonna try to do better than I have.

[flyingg]

[Dick has his failures, he does, but, sometimes, he does just know. When something like this is needed. When Tim is at the end of his line. And he - he won't leave his brother hanging.]

You'll do what you've gotta do, Tim. If you have to try, or do better, than that's how it works. For your sake, to be who you are. Not for anyone else's.

We'll be here when you figure that place out and get back home.

[Unless his mun has a really bad idea and tries to toss this guy in... har har har...]

[the_hit_list]

[Normally, he'd be telling Dick he can handle it, that he doesn't need help, that it's all under control... except it's not. It's all spiraling out of control, and it's making Tim feel so damn helpless.]

Bruce has barely said two words to me. We, uh. Look, we both know it's not just for my sake that I need to be myself.

I am going to figure out how to get back home.

[Tim's mun encourages all such bad ideas. Tim will be curled up in a ball somewhere, but his mun will be happy.]

[flyingg]

[Considering the setting... yep. That place is likely to give even bats PTSD.]

What? What's gotten up his-- I mean, what's gotten into him?

I know. I know you will. Just don't forget to take care of yourself, as much as that's possible. We're human and all that. Okay?

[There would be a lot more hugs, then. A lot. Needed on both sides.]

[the_hit_list]

[Tim pulls out of the hug and shrugs at first, looking down and then away. He tries to speak normally, but suppressing the guilt, anger, and fear makes it sound tight, somehow, and small.]

I haven't been able... I couldn't watch the recap they did of my death, but the man who killed me... I hit him more than once.

With a sai.

[Even keeping his head turned, Tim has to shut his eyes to continue.] I think I killed him, too. I - I didn't really mean to, but. I can tell, just from how Bruce sounded.

[flyingg]

[Dick listens to all of that. Then considers it for a moment.]

[Then just. Reaches to grip Tim's shoulder, solidly, and doesn't let go.]

[He can talk about how that place is kill-or-get-killed, and nothing in their lives has taught them to just lie down and give up. He can talk about self-defense. He can talk about a million other things, but none of them matter.]

[It's Tim. It's his little brother. It's the kid who stood up alone against Ra's al Ghul and didn't fall to the siren's call. It's the boy that Dick does trust, even when he doesn't believe, absolutely. And Tim's been through something horrible.]

[So Dick is just... there. As simple as that.]

[the_hit_list]

[Tim is quiet for a few minutes, but he doesn't shake the hand off his shoulder. He doesn't even try to, just stands there for a minute running through the various interpretations. The one that stands out is that Dick doesn't think less of him for any of this. He decides to go with that, because it makes the emotional load feel lesser.]

Thanks, Dick.

[flyingg]

[Tim might, when he's feeling more himself, remember how Dick was after the Joker. After Blockbuster. He does understand, way too well.]

Anytime, little brother.

[haveyoumetmyttk]

Woah, Tim. Last I checked, I'm not gonna die. I'm built to last this time around. [Although he knows that in the place Tim's at, Kryptonian DNA only go so far.]

And dude, seriously? Not only are you allowed to have feelings, you're supposed to have them.

[the_hit_list]

You were built to last the last time around.

I do. Have them, I mean. But I can't show them, ever, because I'm trying to fit in with the people who created a death match and called it a game. I can't find enough camera blind spots to breathe.

I'm not remotely OK with this place, and I have to act like its the greatest thing since avocado pizza. I think I'm cracking up, because yesterday I wanted to act more like Harley - Harley.

Because, apparently, being legit crazy means it's easier to deal with.

[haveyoumetmyttk]

This time around I'm stronger, I've learned more, and nothing's gonna mess me up again. We kicked Superboy Prime's ass once and for all. [So done with that lunatic.]

You know what people like Harley do? They shut down. You're better than that, Tim. You've got Bruce and Steph there. Aren't they helping you out?

[the_hit_list]

That's good. I mean it, that's... that's still so good to hear.

They were. Bruce and me haven't had a chance to talk since I got back to the Capitol. I think he's avoiding me. Steph is. Still in the Arena.

I've gotten close to shutting down before.

[wholenewstory]

[Her expression is gentle, but her voice is firm.] You can take - a lot. You're...strong.