voice test; homeless

[honorher]

Are you sure you want to do this? I mean, I'm not against it, but you don't really know that much about me. I could be a murderer for all you know.

Figuratively speaking. Literally speaking too, maybe. I just think that maybe you shouldn't get ahead of yourself. Don't get set in ideas or beliefs that could change really soon. That's dangerous.

Comments

[sociability]

Writing yourself off like that isn't going to help anyone, either.

[honorher]

Maybe. Maybe not.

Isn't it always better to proceed with caution?

[sociability]

Usually yes, sometimes no. I shouldn't be giving you any advice on that front, considering what I do.

[honorher]

Advice on proceeding with caution or advice on writing yourself off?

[sociability]

[ His own laughter is deprecating, though not at Abigail. ] Both, really.

How are you feeling?

[honorher]

Better. Mostly.

Dr. Bloom thinks I should share more in group. What do you think she'd think of this place?

[sociability]

She'd probably say we'd have a field day trying to sort everyone out. There's all sorts of people here.

Therapy's not going well?

[honorher]

That's true. They can't be very stable, can they? If they take us from our homes.

It's going. I think she wishes it were going differently. She says I need someone to connect to on my path of recovery.

[sociability]

Kidnappers take their victims to coerce an exchange for something they deem valuable. [ He doesn't have to add: when a kidnapper takes someone for their intended value, and not for an exchange, the victim's survival rate drops by a large margin. Recovery statistics drop twice as much, and you'd be lucky to recover the body entirely intact. There's no honor in this business. ]

She's probably right. She's often right about a lot of things, it's sometimes annoying. [ He sounds fond, though. ]

[honorher]

Then you think we should feel honored? That they find us valuable in some way?

She is. [Abigail pauses.] Do you like her?

[sociability]

Lana and I have known each other for a long time. [ Coming from him, that's practically a declaration of friendship. Will doesn't do friends; he has Jack, and he has Alana. What does that say about the people he keeps close? ] She's good people.

Do you want to feel honored like this?

[honorher]

I don't know. It's better than feeling like a freak. Or a cannibal.

[sociability]

You couldn't have known, Abigail. You can't let that get to you.

[honorher]

Just because I didn't know doesn't mean I didn't still do it.

It tastes the same, you know. There's no way to tell.

[sociability]

I know. I mean, I can imagine. [ And that's Will in a nutshell, isn't it. ] It doesn't make it your fault.

[honorher]

[You can probably imagine it better than you know, Will. Dr. Lecter fed you breakfast once, did he not? Not that Abigail knows that. No, that's a completely meta-from-the-narration-note.

And Abigail furrows her brow at him.]

How do you do that? Imagine, I mean. Do you ever get tired of it?

[sociability]

More than I'd like. It's not something I can switch off at any time.

[ The day will come when Will finds out about all the people Dr. Lecter will have fed him, how each person who's featured in his nightmares - and more that he's never met - have been cut up and dished out by a monster so much closer to home than he'd ever thought.

You, Abigail, would be a bittersweet consolation. Not that it would matter by then. Precious little would come to matter by then. ]

[honorher]

That must be bothersome. A burden.

[But how much of a consolation could she really be? Whether she likes it or not and even though she had no control over it, she's more similar to Dr. Lecter than anyone thinks. Or knows.

Would he be able to look past that, when the time comes? When the truth is finally revealed? Or would his empathetic nature keep him from it?

She's not sure what she'd do if he looked at her differently.]

[sociability]

It's what I have.

[ He has it, and so it's his problem to deal with. What good would it do to curse it, or to get mad? He knows, like a moth going to a flame knows about its oncoming death, that he won't stop—can't make himself stop until a case comes along that forces him to leave. He can empathize with both sides of the equation; the monsters just often win out, the bodies left behind are indicative of that.

And yet.

He's never had to hold any of them. Feel the blood bubble out of their throats and onto the knees of his trousers, the warm skin of his wrists. Abigail is too close. ]

[honorher]

You could probably have something else.

[sociability]

At my age there's not much that I can have that will stay. Adults like to be complicated.

[honorher]

I'm sure something could.

[youwill]

Many things are dangerous.

[honorher]

You don't agree that this is?

[youwill]

Waking each morning can be dangerous, Abigail. Certainly I agree. Smart to consider the danger - smarter still to consider the opportunity presented.

[honorher]

Opportunity?

[Forgive her, she doesn't see it that way.]

[avoirfaim]

[Have a smile, Abigail, one that's meant to be comforting.]

Abigail, you decide who you are, and no one else. Whatever you choose to present to the world, your mundane included, is what they will believe to be the truth. It does not need to change unless you want it to.

[honorher]

Are you only say that to protect yourself?

[avoirfaim]

If I were, I would not be doing a very good job.

[honorher]

Protecting yourself?

[avoirfaim]

If I were trying to protect myself, would I not try to assure that I know you better than you know yourself?

[Which, of course, he's still doing, but there are smarter ways to do that than being direct.]

[honorher]

Not necessarily. You could be trying to convince me that what I did doesn't define me. That whatever I say is right is right, and that means your definition of me doesn't matter.

[avoirfaim]

[Another smile, a different one. You continue to impress him, Abigail.]

I am not only saying that to protect myself. [Repeating and clarifying is, of course, its own way of saying that she has a valid point.] On the contrary though, I would say that what you did may very well come to define you. How it defines you, now that is up to you.

[honorher]

Hm. [She looks at him a moment, and then shrugs.] I guess as long as I don't become a serial killer, everything's fine, right?

[Her smile's a little bit too nervous to be genuine.]

[avoirfaim]

Correct, everything's fine.

[And his smile is calm, without a single twitch or insecurity, a well smile well trained to be reassuring despite the lies behind his teeth.]

[sensitive_psychopath]

You don't have to worry, Abigail. You aren't alone anymore.