Nonsense Alfred, I have somewhat more important matters than to deal with than entering relationships. Besides, unless I was going to lay down the cape and cowl it wouldn't be an honest one.
It has always been an honor t'watch after th'last of th'Wayne family. Make no mistake, sir.
[Srsly. he hassles you, but it is out of love ♥]
Besides, this is a matter that is a bit... more light-hearted than th'usual state of affairs. [Meaning beating the shit out of people on a regular basis] While it is frustrating t'see you struggle with simple concepts, it also serves t'give me a great deal of amusement.
Huh. [When this Bruce is thinking, you can almost picture him in nerd goggles. ...If that nerd built pipe bombs.]
Well, word of advice from my universe, then: meddle. Trust me. First date I had in years was because Alfred gave her a tour of the Batcave while I was working.
...But uh, word of advice from me, find a way to meddle that doesn't involve sneaking up on me.
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it is way too early for this bullshit.
But he will roll with it.]
And I'm beginnin' t'think you are too, Master Wayne.
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Though, I can't say I disagree with that last bit.
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He'll come around. They always do. It's keeping them there that's the hard part.
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[Where's the frail butler what did you do with him]
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[Doesn't quite know your name yet]
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Hardly. I leave the heavy lifting to you, sir.
It appears that you are a part of a separate "universe" then me. It would explain our changed appearances.
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[ She nods, fighting a smile. ]
No, I haven't had the pleasure yet. If I had, I'd have a whole lot more to deal with than just millionaire playboy---philanthropists.
[ Excellent word that is. ]
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ZSNAPPING ALL OVER THIS HEADSPACE]I believe this may be one area where tryin' t'find a middle ground would be most beneficial. For th'both of us.
[HE DOES NOT WANT TO HAVE TO BE A JAMAICAN CRAB OR A BUNCH OF GREEK MUSES FOR YOU BRUCE. HE IS TOO OLD FOR THIS.]
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I'm more than capable of reason, circumstances can simply be too perilous for it at times. I am, after all, only one man.
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YAY HEADSPACE TALK]Well, we both have plenty enough on our plates as it is. I do believe there should be a union for us baby-sitting playboy types.
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[SEE BRUCE.
SEE!?]
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Unfortunately for you, sir, it's not me who has my eyes on someone. It's you.
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Nonsense Alfred, I have somewhat more important matters than to deal with than entering relationships. Besides, unless I was going to lay down the cape and cowl it wouldn't be an honest one.
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[He cannot with you at all]
And I think this, specific, woman may be able t'handle your other face.
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[That's a lie, Bruce.]
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Next you'll be tellin' me water isn't wet.
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Well, I might not always be the easiest to deal with, but....
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Even with a union, I still don't think we'd get paid what we deserve.
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If I may be frank, Master Wayne, dealing with you is enough to send a man t'his early grave.
[There's a beleaguered sigh and a resigned smile.]
But I suppose that's what I deserve for continuing to watch over you.
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[Bff?]
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I might believe that if I weren't talking to you, Alfred. As things stand, I'm not sure you'll be able to convince me of that.
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[Srsly. he hassles you, but it is out of love ♥]
Besides, this is a matter that is a bit... more light-hearted than th'usual state of affairs. [Meaning beating the shit out of people on a regular basis] While it is frustrating t'see you struggle with simple concepts, it also serves t'give me a great deal of amusement.
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[ You bet. ]
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[ That's not you, is it Alfred? ]
Oh, are you the cleanup crew too?
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[sometimes.
sometimes.]
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Except for one of his super model or dancing friends. I'm afraid I don't have th'figure for it.
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Good to know someone gets something out of it.
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I get no enjoyment out of your pain, Master Wayne. However, I do get a great deal out of your happiness.
[Even if--- Nope. Especially if there is hilarious awkward fumbling.]
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[Pause.]
Or trying to keep me from sneaking out after curfew.
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[Dick is very, very used to Bruce not listening to him. :|]
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[HE IS IN DENIAL. FOREVER IN DENIAL.]
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Well, word of advice from my universe, then: meddle. Trust me. First date I had in years was because Alfred gave her a tour of the Batcave while I was working.
...But uh, word of advice from me, find a way to meddle that doesn't involve sneaking up on me.