dear_mun | flying blind.

Heh... Now if that doesn't sound familiar.

Oh boy. Am I being a broken record? Or maybe it's something you need to hear again, too?

You, a broken record? Never. 'Sides... the reminding doesn't hurt.

It could be worse, I could be fussing or something. Lucky for you I'm choosing to say, You look well, Edward.

[ Fussing... At the thought, he makes a slight face, but it soon falls, replaced by a slight smile. ]

Yeah... Thanks. You do too, Alfons.

There's not much of a reason for me not to look well. You, on the other hand... Who knows what kind of mischief you're at? Ah, I said I wouldn't fuss, but you know what I mean. I guess it's good to see you in your usual amount of pieces, that's all.

[Alfons is placid, smiling enough to let Ed know that he's teasing— but with a voice level enough to let Ed know that he means what he says, too.]

Is it just me, or is it weird and familiar both at once? I feel like I've just come home from work to find you doing whatever it is that Edwards do.

[ Aaaah, Alfons, why you do this to him. He snorts slightly, rubbing at the back of his neck. ]

I'm not getting in that much trouble, if that's what you're wondering... [ A beat, and then his expression turns more serious. ] Hey, Alfons, um... About— About what you said—

Which one? I've said a lot of things, and I'm not sure which ones you've listened to.

[Half oblivious, half avoiding this. He wants to tread lightly here. Suddenly he wonders if he can touch Edward, clap his shoulder, or if he's a ghost now or something. But really, how un-scientific is talking to the dead? Alfons folds his hands behind his back and rocks on his heels just a little bit.]

[ Meanwhile, he opens and closes his mouth a few times, as if struggling to find words. He is struggling, uncertain, and he's never been good with these kinds of things. It's even worse, now that he looks back and sees just how he must've seemed to Alfons. Drifting without his brother, without his world, without direction, and always wondering when the dream, the nightmare would end. But it hadn't been a nightmare. Not really, not at all. Not with Alfons there and like Al had been his rock through everything in his world, Alfons had done the same. Only he'd acknowledged Al and hadn't given Alfons that until it was too late.

Finally, he shuts his mouth with a click of his teeth and shifts his gaze away. ]

Thanks. I didn't get to say it, so... yeah.

[ It's the best he can do really, and regrets he can't say more. Alfons deserves as much. ]

[Worth it, Alfons thinks. He starts to say, Any time, but realizes he'd be lying. Instead: ]

You're welcome.

[Simple, but glad-sounding.]

Thank you, too. I learned a lot from you, Edward, and the stories - the things you told me... I liked hearing them.

[ Before he can stop himself, he's taking a hasty step forward, only to come to a sudden halt when he's within reach of Alfons. ]

Alfons, I—

[ A grimace and he's shaking his head. ]

Idiot.

[ Who he's calling an idiot isn't really certain. He could be referring to himself. Or to Alfons. Or them both. ]

Never mind. ...Yeah. Maybe I can tell you some other ones sometime, but you'll have to stop me when you get bored.

[Edward's abruptness - how rough he is - these things are purely him, and so Alfons is grateful for the 'idiot.' He keeps his hands behind his back, still. Just in case. And he smiles further, shakes his head in a patient way.]

Edward, you... met your little brother again, didn't you? I liked your stories, but I think I'd like it even more if you went on and made new stories to tell to someone. You know?

[ God, every time Alfons does that, gives him that smile and those eyes and he can feel his chest tighten as a result. ]

Yeah. Yeah, I will. [ He forces a grin, all makeshift arrogance and bravado, and hopes that Alfons will believe it. ] You can bet they'll be the best stories ever too.

[Alfons at least believes it just enough to think that Edward will be okay, with his brother, with his world. Maybe, once in a while, he will dream of Alfons - and that's okay. Alfons tilts his chin up and smiles wider, because it's good to know that he can still talk of Edward's life.]

I always thought you should write them down. People love tales of faraway places and other worlds. [A little bit of a snicker; it's good-natured.] But maybe throw in a dash of romance for good measure.

R-Romance...

[ Color forms at his cheeks at the thought. He can't even think of— The very thought— Who would he even— He doesn't even know, okay. ]

Idiot, they're not those kinds of stories!

[ Why would you suggest such a thing, Alfons. sobbbb /awkwardturtles. ]

[This sets Alfons really laughing, and he holds a hand to his chest as though he's trying to hold some air inside.]

Of course not, of course not! Sorry. Just saying, readers would love it.

[Deeeeeep breath. He regains his composure, mostly, after hiccuping a tiny coughing fit and then clearing his throat.]

Really, though. Think about it? The writing part. Though it'd be a shame for people to miss out on how expressive you are...

[ As Alfons coughs slightly, holding up his hand in a clear gesture he recognizes too well, he hesitates, worry clouding his expression for a few moments. ]

Alfons... [ No he's not worried okay. Alright maybe a little. He can still see the image of a blood stained palm in his mind. ] Maybe. I kinda doubt anyone but you'd wanna hear about them anyway.

[Insistent,] I want someone to hear about them. I guess that's selfish, but...

[It's not a falter so much as a moment needed to figure out how he should articulate this.]

Even when I didn't believe you were really from that world, when I couldn't or didn't want to believe that - it felt like you were sharing your life with me. I... liked that.

[ To hear Alfons speak so insistently... He's reminded again of Alfons' determined look and the way the other boy had tried so hard to impress upon him that he was no dream. That he was real too... Where Alfons doesn't falter, he does. ]

It was... I was being dumb. I was so stuck in the past, trying to recall those things that I didn't even see what was in front of me.

[ His brows furrow. ]

If... I do tell those stories, they won't be the only ones I tell.

[I was being dumb. Alfons won't deny it - just wears a slip of a smile.]

Yeah. Like I said, I want you to keep having new stories, too. They'd be just as good.

[Beat.]

I'm not angry, Edward, you know. I thought I should make sure you know that.

You should be!

[ He says it a bit more vehemently that he'd intended and immediately regrets it, grimacing. ]

Alfons... dammit, don't— Don't just smile at me like that. After what happened. _Please.

[Should have expected that— compliantly, Alfons drops the smile, and has this weird urge to cuff Edward's chin. His hands stay at his sides, but his fingers twitch.]

Will you miss me?

Idiot... [ It's a quiet hiss as his gaze drops to the ground. ] That's a dumb question.

[ The answer, he thinks, should be obvious. ]

[Alfons stoops a little, chin tilted, trying to catch the downcast gaze. He isn't smiling, out of respect for Edward, but there's something gentle to him, like he's trying to be soothing, even if he's fumbling with it.]

Then someone will always know I existed. I'm fine with just that, Edward. I'm being honest.

How can you be fine with just that?

[ He doesn't understand it at all. Then again, he rarely understands when people are willing to settle for so little after everything he's tried so hard to obtain. His goals had always been so grandiose unlike someone like Al, with his determination just to be with him, when he'd been willing to give Al so much more. And now Alfons, content like he is... When he knows he owes Alfons so much more too. For taking him in and remaining at his side when he'd been such a mess. How did Alfons even withstand him?

But there's always something more important than their wants, their dreams, isn't there? Even he's said as much. Still, he can't help but think Alfons deserves the stars he so eagerly wished to touch. ]

Is that really all you wanted?

I wanted something... big, [he admits, and then he does smile, can't help it, but it's lopsided.] Haha, but I got you, didn't I? Sometimes I wondered if you hadn't just fallen right out of the sky. Me, pretty much a man of science, wondering if you were from another place. But isn't that what science is? Explaining what we can't explain? [Alfons shifts on his feet, and wrings his hands a little, trying to find the right words here. He's being a perfectionist: he wants Ed to understand what he's trying to say.]

And then after a while I figured I didn't really have to be able to explain you. Do I have to explain myself, either? I'm not angry with fate, or the world, or you. What's the use? It made me tired, near the end. [The slightest of laughs.] You must have seen how cranky I ended up getting. So Edward, please.

[ Once again, what Alfons says leaves him without words. At least, right away. But I got you, didn't I? The phrase rings in his ears and before he can stop himself, he's reaching out to grasp the cuff of Alfons' sleeve, holding fast with fingers made of steel and chrome. ]

I should've... I mean, I didn't— I just—

[ He's still hanging his head, almost afraid to look up at Alfons. ]

Andromeda, Cassiopeia, Deneb and Altair and Vega... you deserve them all.

Edited 2012-02-16 20:11 (UTC)

Look at them for me. Help someone get up there some day. Maybe you should've, and maybe you didn't, Edward, but I don't want to be remembered by the parts of me you regret.

[He mirrors Ed, then - pinches a sleeve between his fingers, though these are bone and blood. Now they're connected from both sides.]

You always seemed like you've lost a lot, even when you were smiling. I'm not lost or anything, though. I know exactly which direction I'm going in. All right? Can you be okay with that?

[ Finally, finally, he forces himself to look up at Alfons, to look into those clear blue eyes and he swallows the lump that emotion has formed in his throat. ]

Yeah... I will. I will.

[ It's spoken like an oath, like a promise.

Swallowing again, he hesitates before continuing. There really is no use dwelling on what can be changed, is there? Again, he's recalling the recipe for Human Transmutation, but alchemy no longer works, he no longer will feel the spark of energy under his finger tips, and even if he could, he doubts he'd be lucky enough to succeed a second time. ]

I'll find you again, Alfons. Someday. After I've touched the stars for you.

Edited 2012-02-16 20:46 (UTC)

[Patient, Alfons lets go of Edward's sleeve, to set his hand over Ed's artificial one. There, they touch. Alfons is glad he's corporeal.]

You know, Edward, I think I believe you.

[For once.

Then his voice is terribly serious, even solemn, when he says,] But do it for you, too.

[No matter which of him approach the situation, their reactions are all the same. He's heard about Alfons, bits and pieces but never anything concrete. He's the boy who looks like him, the boy from the other side, the boy who lived with Edward, and he's the boy that for a time when he slept he shared every waking moment with. It's funny how you take for granted what you're told. Edward always said, He looks just like you.

However, it never really sunk in until now. It's more than just a few similar traits. No. This is like looking in a mirror, only Alfons's hair is much more pale and his eyes are the color of a cloudless summer day.

It shakes him to his core, but he's staring, he knows Alfons and yet he doesn't at all. Still... he knows it's rude to stare, so he tries to talk, even if it's hard.]

You know... Brother always rushes. We know better though, don't we?

Edited 2012-02-16 11:05 (UTC)

[Alfons had never gotten anything concrete, either. Restrained snippets and pained or longing glances, mostly, and the latter would come when Ed thought Alfons wouldn't notice. It's not envy Alfons has felt - rather, a sort of guilt: Sorry I can't fill you up. I'm me, just me.

He stares back, also unintentionally rude. Tilts his head a little, sees his own expression in front of him. It's weird. He takes it in stride, and tries to think I can see the family resemblance instead of He's almost me.]

Next to always, I think. But how often does he listen the first time we tell him?

[This is the first time Alfons can remember the word 'we' feeling so strange coming off his tongue. This is foreign. Alphonse is foreign - for real, having floated in from Dreamland, or - Awakeland, according to Edward. That makes him purse his lips a little.]

[It's funny how he knows that guilt, it's a pit deep down in his tummy and it's not letting up. He knows the insecurities of not being good enough, he's feeling them right now after all.]

Never.

[Admitting as such makes him laugh a little, smiling pulling to his lips, but it fades quickly.]

Most of the time he needs to have some sense knocked into him.

Your name is Alfons, right? I'm Alphonse too.

[Those they're completely different names, they certainly sound the same and he moves slowly head shifting to follow each little shift the other boy makes. It should be strange how he knows which way to look without thinking, it comes naturally really, and that's just as strange.]

Edited 2012-02-17 00:12 (UTC)

[Alphonse too. Alfons Two? No— Alfons manages to keep himself from shaking his head, but that's a nauseating thought, because anyway, that'd be his title: Alphonse Two.

He opens his mouth, intending to say, We're both that, I guess, aren't we? but the words never pass his tongue, because he knows that's not true. They're different things to Edward; everything is different. It's a shame their faces aren't as well.

He holds out his hand.]

That's right. I'm Alfons Heiderich, and you're Alphonse Elric. It's good to finally meet you.

Alfons Heiderich.

[The name rolls off his tongue, the inflicts this time more correct as he catches the differences, but it's familiar he has heard the name before deep in the darkness of his dreams.]

You're the person who took care of my brother.

[All those vivid dreams that felt like he was still with Edward were actually never his own. He had been so desperate to see Edward again that he encroached into this boy life. Fingers fall away to his sides as he straights and forces a smile to his lips. Though he may not be able to say it and even if the smile is one he has to force, it does say a lot. This was the boy who took care of Edward, who made sure he wasn't alone in a strange world, and for that Alphonse can only be grateful.]

It's good to know he had someone like you to watch over him.

[But his eyes drift away and towards the ground, he can't keep the contact up for long. Mostly, because he recalls how Edward was ready to leave him and their home behind. It didn't matter that Alfons had sacrificed everything to get Edward home, because in the end Edward had planned on returning. Leaving him behind again and returning to the other him.

He draws a single breath it's short and just enough to get his chin to raise so that he's looking at those blue eyes again. It's not that he's a bad lair, in fact, he's not lying at all, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt to realize that you're Brother might have truly been better off without you.]

He's missed you, brother will be happy to have you around again. Even if he won't ever admit it.

[It's not like there's not some bitterness here. Taking in Alphonse's words is like taking in a mouthful of bold black coffee - the strength, the way it strikes and lingers. A kick in the teeth, kind of. Alfons does like coffee, just— he'd prefer a little sugar. So it just seems right to shrug and say,]

You're the brother who took care of my friend.

[It's a simple concept, even if theirs isn't a simple situation.]

He doesn't have to admit it. I'm fine with the way Edward is. He's fine.

[A mark of hesitance. His eyes travel down, though the angle of his head's still straight. When he speaks, it's like he's testing the waters with his teeth and tongue: ] I hope you know that I would never...

[Eyes flick back up. Maybe he's gone a little white in the cheeks.]

He wanted you so badly, [Alfons says, not envious, just earnest and guiltily wishing he was in on it.] I never knew what you might be. If you were real and had been keeping him grounded... or if he'd made you up in his dreams. I'm sorry.

[His shoulders draw up a little; his hands clasp in front of his thighs.]

I'm sorry,. You were a waking dream for him, when I met him, but you were always alive. I'm sorry for doubting it. I'm glad you came back to one another. Really. And Edward, he - well, he doesn't particularly need my brand of science now that he has what he was looking for. And it's okay that way. I just...

Didn't want him to be so lost.

flying blind.

omg alfons ;/////;

haaaaa... ;w; i'll do my best at him!

i'm sure you'll be fine! /o/

heeee thanks \o\

♥♥♥

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alfons noooo /sobbssss 1/2

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oh god alfons my heart

my tags are written by tears hitting my keyboard to form words

this is me, i can't hold all these feels

critical feel failure ;_;

RINNA /RUNS AT

HI... I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING...

YOU ARE DOING JUST FINE

/PRESSES FACE TO KEYBOARD

/joins you

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