Bookverse!Thranduil on seeing the Desolation of Smaug sneak peek (spoilers under the cut)

[elvenking]

I was not posing like a showgirl. [Whatever the hell that means.]

And if I am harsh, it is because the times have called for it. Nothing is safe.

But what will you do now, as the time draws near? You have already compromised with your headcanon to accommodate a Thorin Oakenshield of this film world. How far will you compromise? Shall this new bodyguard become a part of my life as well?

[Although he likes that she hates orcs. He can get behind that.]

Whatever happens, you must not change my relationship with my people, least of all with my son. Change my face if you must, but never that.

Comments

[pareidolist]

It must be odd. Not knowing who you're going to have been.

[elvenking]

To the contrary, who I am and who he is are quite separate.

[pareidolist]

Does your puppeteer agree?

[elvenking]

She prefers to keep me as close to the books as possible. The trouble comes in keeping me alive should I deny certain events remembered by those from the film's continuity.

[Telling Thorin to his face that he wasn't there the day Smaug sacked Erebor did not go over well on a test drive meme.]

[pareidolist]

You could always lie.

[elvenking]

[gaudy]

Ah, "the times have called for it." A perfect excuse for any behavior.

[elvenking]

Of what behavior are you accusing me?

[gaudy]

I'm not.

[elvenking]

Then keep your insinuations for times when you understand what is happening.

[Sorry, he's cranky.]

[gaudy]

I'll do as I like.

[elvenking]

Then be as foolish as you like--elsewhere.

[sonof_thrain]

[At the showgirl remark he could not help but smirk.]

You could have fooled me.

[elvenking]

[A withering look.]

Do you know what a showgirl is?

[sonof_thrain]

A girl who likes showing herself off? [He couldn't help it.]

[elvenking]

[It takes him a second because elven sex culture is...different. Then, his jaw muscle twitches and his eyes glaze over.

Excuse him while he goes off to blow a gasket at his mun. Mentally.]

I see.

[sonof_thrain]

I may be wrong, but that is how I see it. [He's giving you a smirk which turns into a glare. He hasn't forgotten what movie!you did, Thranduil.]

Does your scribe wish you to dress as a girl?

[favours_thebow]

[Oh, it was HIM. The elven king who betrayed his uncle and his kin those many years ago. Have a glare, elf king.]

Perhaps, you and your kind are good at posing like girls.

[elvenking]

[Thranduil still doesn't get why being compared to a woman is an insult. And yet dwarves keep using it.]

I have not known a woman who posed so.

[Well. His wife, very privately, on very specific occasions.

...You know, that explains some things.]

[favours_thebow]

Really? [He knew he shouldn't be insulting a king but his uncle despised this man above all else.]

There isn't much different in the way elf men and elf women look. [Not like dwarves with their proud beards. Kili will grow his one day!]

[elvenking]

[This again?]

There is enough difference, at least. I do not suppose I have to explain it.

[He had to explain it to Thorin. His experience is that Kili is at least as dim as Thorin, though, so...]

[favours_thebow]

I do not want to hear it as we dwarves are much stronger than you elves. [Maybe immature be he is only 77!]

[oakenshield]

[Thorin couldn't help but arch his brow at all of this nonsense being spewed.]

Compromise...?

[A scoff is most certainly heard.]

Dwarves and Elves do not compromise between each other. At least not under normal circumstances.

[elvenking]

She compromised, not I. I had little choice in the matter.

[oakenshield]

Continuously forced by the whims of our benefactors. [He smirks somewhat.] Tragic.