Bucky Barnes as a woman and all the confusion that goes with it.

[on_ice]

Look sweetheart I have better things to do, and yeah I know I am not the "real Bucky." I get that, but do you think that makes it different for me? I still have a job to do, I still have a life and a history and memories,

[Technically no, you don't. Those were more or less imported and adopted from his when you came into being.]

Gee, thanks, no really that is exactly what I needed to hear. Not only do I not really exist, but everything I remember is a bastardized version of someones life. You're a peach, Doll, a real peach.

Wait...

So if that's true then you're saying everything I had with him is fake too?

[Kinda has to be, since the real Black Widow is a woman and all, sorry Jane.]

Great, I have never in my life had penis envy but this makes a pretty damn good case for it, at least then I would have my own goddamned life. Thanks for everything lady, I'll be sure and send you a Christmas card because I'm finding the nearest bar and drinking until New Year.

Comments

[like_a_gerbil]

[Yeah... Steve's not sure what to make of this since he has met versions of Bucky who were dames - ladies - female... but he's not sure if this one had a Steve in her life or even if she'd remember him if she did.]

I'm not even sure where to start, Buck. You okay?

[on_ice]

[You don't forget your best friend...his best friend. Whatever, she knew Steve had been there in her life, Side by side until she fell. It might not be her Steve, hell she didn't have a right to lay claim on anyone did she? Just the orphan who got adopted by the whole damn Army, but look where she got.]

Sure Steve, fine.

[Ok, so the Bucky lie is a universal standard.]

[like_a_gerbil]

[Letting out a disbelieving snort, he shakes his head.] Pull the other leg, Bucky. It has bells on it.

[His expression turns to exasperation as he studies her.] You know that doesn't work on me. These AUs our mundanes come up with don't make us any less real. You're still Bucky whether you're female or male. And how do you know you're not the real one? There could be a reality where you're the original and the other one's the AU.

[on_ice]

[Don't make her laugh Cap, it's bad for the image.

She shook her head and ran a hand back through her hair, the flesh one not..yeah. There was just so many things wrong with her how could she even expect him to deal with it all?]

Christ Steve, am I going have to get you an application for sainthood? You're too good, I've always told you people take advantage of a guy who's too good all the time. It's why you needed me for the dirty work.

[Protest and joke, it was like programming to her, how she handled things, but damn it felt good to hear that especially from him. It was like he knew what she needed without having to be asked, which was lucky because face it, she was horrible at asking.]

[like_a_gerbil]

[Of course he's going to try to make her laugh, just like she did whenever he was stuck in a hospital bed and he was trying to figure out how to escape before the doctors noticed.]

There's a difference between good and naive. I wouldn't have survived growing up if I'd been naive.

[If it hadn't been for Bucky and the street smarts most people assumed he didn't have since he refused to run from a fight, he probably would have died in one of those alleys. Good though... he'd made a promise to Doctor Erskine and he wasn't going to go back on it no matter what happened to him.]

I don't need you for the dirty work. I need you 'cause you're my best friend.

[on_ice]

[Yeah...yeah..big lug, she's got the cool brooding thing going on and you come along and ruin it, making her give that smile that belongs on a face at least a decade younger.]

Yeah? You wouldn't make it through a game of poker either, I've seen you bluff. It's not in you.

[She was his shadow, in more ways than one. Steve had been the big guy, she had been the sneak thief, the one who slipped in and well then got wild and reckless with fighting. He'd saved her as much as she'd saved him to be honest, and yeah, he saved her in more ways than one too.]

I..

[What could she even say to that, she just nodded and refused to let the welling tears fall. Jesus she needed that, she needed to hear that she was real and part of something and hadn't been forgotten. She needed that connection that said she wasn't going to fade away and maybe, just maybe she wasn't as fucked up in the head as she thought. Steve had faith in her and right now that was worth more than red points at the end of a ration week.]

[widow_maker]

...I'm just going to sit back and try to wrap my brain around all of this.

[on_ice]

Tassa,

[Just give her a minute to look at you,

Yep, still the finest damn thing to ever walk through the Red Room doors. Still a sight for sore eyes.]

Yeah well.... what would our lives be if someone wasn't trying to kill us, wipe us out of existence or..you know..tell us we're not real.

[widow_maker]

[Like he doesn't know what that look means. He just quirks a little half grin.] True enough. [He crosses his arms and gives a little shrug.] Kind of getting boring- and predictable.

[Okay he's had a minute. He's processed and has looked at things from several different angles, at least as well as anyone in this situation can. That was just a little.. WOW.

Because you know, it wasn't already bad enough that half the shit he remembers about everything may or may not have been fabricated as it is, but now he's got to figure out how to deal with the fact that he's not actually a real boy?

Well, he honestly doesn't give two shits about what your mun says about being real. He has some good memories, with you, so DAMN GOOD memories, and real or not, or his or not- fuck it. Not going to let this chick rain on his parade.]

So... I'm a chick? Could have fooled me.

[novokov_cocktail]

This is... [Leo takes an appreciatively long look at her, eyes sweeping up and down her body. Flickering over to her shoulder and arm, then back down before settling on her face with and giving her an approving smirk.] New.

[on_ice]

Yeah.. babe look I know, don't let it get to you. Hell if one of us is real it is gonna be you, guys like you don't just pop out of thin air.

[Trust her, she knows. Guys like you back home.. well they didn't exactly happen. Guys who could accept a dame who is Swiss cheesed in the brain pan and filled so full of soviet dogma that it still leaks out now and then. Nathan had been better than she ever had a right to expect, more accepting and more understanding than anyone who hadn’t been through their lives could be. He’d been her salvation and the only warmth in her cold life for a long time.]

Sweetheart there is not one inch of you that’s girly and trust me, I am happily familiar with every last one.

[on_ice]

[Son of a bitch.


There was a twitch, fingers of her left hand clenched with a soft mechanical whir an a metallic grating sound. The muscle in her jaw tensed to the point that her teeth ached.]

You don’t even get to say a word.

[novokov_cocktail]

A little late, da? At my count I've said twelve? No, Thi- fourteen.

[Leonid grins, holding up his hands. It's those reactions that really get him going.

He would think that you would know this by now.]

Since I've already blow those 'orders' all to hell, I might as well tell you that you're looking lovely.

[widow_maker]

Now, you're going to have to stop that before you make me get all sentimental. [And by that he probably means less sentimental and more... carry you over his shoulder some place private.

Hey! He gives her back what she gives him. They might be broken and messed up, they might not know which way is up part of the time, but they make it work. That's what matters right?

He bounces on his toes, grinning.]

Damn right.

[like_a_gerbil]

[The brooding thing isn't cool, Bucky. Even someone as socially inept as Steve knows that. It only works in the bad romance movies that Clint tortures him with.]

Still not the same thing. I'm not a saint just because I can't lie unless it's for a mission.

[That half finished thought and those unshed tears have Steve pulling her into a hug, ignoring the fact that Bucky will probably kick his ass for it, holding her carefully since he's always afraid he'll forget how strong he's become. Male or female, Bucky had always been the one who helped him through everything... and the one person he'll never forgive himself for letting down.]

You're more than just what they tried to make you. You'll always be more than that.

I

[on_ice]

[You sure Cap? Cause it seems to work for a lot of people these days.]

Fine, not a saint, but a better person than I am. [Especially now, after all she's done, what she's become.

And then there he is, bigger than life and just wrapping her up like she was a little kid. Anyone else would have gotten cold cocked just for trying, well not Widow but that was another story entirely. But Buck didn't bond with people, she wasn't a physically affectionate being because she felt more outside of humanity now.

It doesn't stop her though from wrapping her arms around him too, flesh and metal both hugging tightly back as she willed the tears away. You see Steve, you never let her down. You made her more than she ever was, gave her self pride and determination. You showed her that there was more use for her skills than being a street level thug when she was off duty. You gave her a mission in life and she is going to love you forever for that. Her best friend, her brother, one of the two men in this world she trusted implicitly and would die for without hesitation.

That's what you mean to her Cap, it's why she needs this comfort and feels almost unworthy of it at the same time. When Red Room screws with your head, they don't do it halfway.]

I want to believe that, Jesus I need to believe that.

[on_ice]

Hey now, don't you start turning into a dame, cause we'll have some problems then. I don't care of some of the other me's are open minded to that sort of thing, I like it a bit more traditional.

[Wow Buck, you don't even see the irony there do you?]

And for the record, you are so much better looking as a man.

[on_ice]

Well good to see your math skills didn't fade after being frozen so long. Too bad the rest of your brain is scrambled like blue plate special. [But she stops short at his comments. Ok the lecherous looking was discounted but now her brain was adding things up.]

You come from a place where I'm that man, right? Well let's get something straight; man, woman, it doesn't matter what I am, you start something and I am going to finish it.

[widow_maker]

Pft.. The last thing you have to worry about is me turning into a 'dame'.

[He scoffs.]Aww, babe...

...

[A laugh.] Yeah, no see not even I can pull off making it seem like I'd be hurt by the idea of you dumping me if I was a girl. Mostly, because I really just can't see me with you as a guy.

[She might not be the only one?]

Right back at ya, but I'll admit I'm a little curious. Just a little- I mean, you a guy? What the hell is that like?

[novokov_cocktail]

You say that... and yet... You just sort of gave up. It was quiet the disappointment. I take something from you- something so valuable- and yet you just... walk away.

I really expected more from you. [A pause.] From him... anyway. Not sure what I might expect from you.

[on_ice]

Good, because I like you as is.

[All she can do is shrug, not that he wouldn't be a knock out no matter what gender, she just couldn't deal with that.]

Oh? Curious now... Well let me tell you, from, what I've seen he's a surly, hardheaded, thick skulled, impetuous troublemaker with a chip on his shoulder.

[on_ice]

You haven't taken anything from me because I've got nothing. Red Room already ruined that for me. Like they ruined you for pretty much anything resembling a normal life.

I don't know what you did to him, I know you are making a real pain in the ass of yourself back home for me. Petty stuff though, really beneath you. I thought I trained you better.

[novokov_cocktail]

Oh you did. What ever it is I'm doing back home for you is probably just the prelude to the grand finale, and I promise you won't see it coming until it's too late.

[widow_maker]

Oh.. so he's exactly like you, but with a penis, and facial hair in the mornings. Good to know.

[on_ice]

Hey, that's just being childish.

[Riiiight because she's so mature.]

At least he knows good pancakes.