dear_mun | (no subject)

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(no subject)

How'm— how are we supposed to continue after so much time's past? That time's not a void, y'know, things happened. We changed. You can't just ignore that, damnit; people change. The future's supposed to be uncertain. You can't just watch a few glimpses of my so-called future and think that's who I'm gonna become. That me never met Nero, for a start. And he's too damned happy for his own good.

[ a grimace. ] I don't know who I feel sorrier for, you or me.

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You think Bones is... happy?

Your Bones? He's got a leg up on me, anyway. [ shrugs, uncomfortable. ] It's not like I'm miserable, but he's... well, he's content with where he is, what he's doing. [ and this bones clearly isn't. ~~not yet.~~ ]

You're not?

I mean, I thought... I can't imagine you not practicing medicine.

No, I'm on the Enterprise-- CMO, just like him. But damnit, Jim, this isn't where I thought I'd end up. Some days it feels like being trapped in a fishbowl; sometimes it's worse than that. I don't know how to settle like he seemed to.

Oh, Bones...

Sorry. Habit.

But... you're looking at him from the outside in, for the first time. You yourself know how much you bottle up. I can tell when he's thinking about Joanna. I can tell when he'd rather be anywhere else. I also am present when he has a little too much. The show isn't the whole story. It takes time, and even he struggles with it, still. It does get better, but it's not something you--or he--can just turn on.

That's alright. [ hearing his name is strange, like hearing the voice he expects through a filter, but familiar enough to be comforting. he listens, crossing his arms at mention of joanna but countenance remaining relatively clear. eventually, bones huffs. ]

When'd you get to be so perceptive? [ he uncrosses his arms and looks down. ] It's been a long time since I've seen myself look that happy. Part of me thinks... But it wouldn't be right, pretending I'm that man.

For one thing... I listened to you.

And no, it wouldn't be right. But you don't need to pretend to be him. You're your own man, just as he is. I think it's likely you'll end up a lot like him. But I've met myself enough times to know that things change. There are constants, sure, but they're not everything.

I, for one, don't feel sorry for anyone. You're right; the future's supposed to be uncertain, but that's one of the best things about it. Getting the chance to live a life that's radically different from the one you lived before is an opportunity like no other.

Everything's supposed to be different, anyway. Isn't it?

You tell me, you always seemed to have a firmer grip on the concept. But to my mind there's no quantifying the changes made, how much effect they'll have.

Technically, that's not our future, so. Not really fair to hold us up to those kinds of expectations.

That's what I'm tryin' to tell her. I'm not going to become him no matter how many missions we sign up for.

A fan of that idea that we were ~fated~ to end up where we are, is she?

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