dear_mun | (no subject)

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canon: the vampire diaries

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How do you plan to explain the alive part? I just got better, isn't going to cut it, and I don't think even Damon is self absorbed enough to not notice I wasn't dead.

No. No answers involving time machines or phone boxes.

Also, drop the jokes about my kind being allergic to shirts. Gets old quick.

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Cryogenics.

Six Million Dollar Man.

A really long con.

Illusion, dementia, over active imagination, hallucinations. So many drugs. An alcohol induced trip to Wonderland.

Medical miracle.

Shall I go on?

I like the con one. Always did like a good con movie. Shame about them finding my body much later. Kind of ruins that one.

Medical miracle. Might go with that one. If the Grinch could grow his heart ten sizes that day, I can regen a whole new one, right?

You'd be surprised how easy it can be to fake a death, even with a body. Especially with a body, no one questions a body.

That's what heart transplants are for, just pop a new one in, hot wire that bitch up and you're golden.

Frankenstein's Monster. Yep, that sounds like a good plan.

That amuses the mun way too much though. Being called John Gilbert's monster isn't nearly as snappy.

Maybe if you're Frankenstein's Monster you should go slightly less on the killing his family front. That tends to get messy. John Gilbert's Monsters wouldn't have that to live up to.

I'd settle for not being dead and without a night of sheer torture once a month. Think I'm going to have to settle for the undead thing.

Considering all the other crazy shit that happens back home? You suddenly being alive might be the least of our worries.

Don't think I'm not glad to be alive. I just want answers and not handwaving. Handwaving makes it to easier to screw with other parts of my life.

And they love that part -- screwing with our lives I mean.

Seems that way if they follow through with this thing with zombies.

Yep. Especially the part where we'll be stripped down and human again.

I gotta say, that’s the part that I’m not sure is a bad thing. No misery. No hours of pain shifting. No wondering who you’ve killed come morning. Not sure a bad thing.

But no speed, no strength, no heightened senses. All things that could come in handy with zombies.

Pros and cons. They don't call it a curse for nothing.

There are worse things than the curse out there

Yeah, I get a feeling we're about to find out just what else. Least my mundane is dragging her feet on it the one for the hunter, so there's that.

Yeah mine is favoring a hunter first too. Better them than us

I'm with you on that. Though, if i have to go, I'm kind of hoping to work out a flame thrower. Used to love that in this one game I played.

A flamethrower would be pretty badass

Looks like Damon has added a few more to his list of victims since he killed me.

( ok, she laughs. )

That's a classic Twilight reference. Has your writer mixed up their vampire romances, or are you a werewolf?

He's having fun and why should sanctity of life stand in his way? Worse is that I have to share space with him in here. Worst. Roommate. Ever.

Shhh. Never admit you know that!

She often does that, but werewolf yeah. And I do like shirts. I just work too damn hard to keep them on all the time. That doesn't mean everything she sets up for me should be shirtless.

It's all part of his plan to screw up the lives of everyone around him. ( she cringes. ) Well, shit. You've got my sympathy, for what it's worth.

Oh, I won't. I'm good at keeping secrets. ( shirts should be optional for hot men in her opinion, no matter their species. )

Are you sure that's it? Your temperature isn't a steady 110 degrees?

( this is too fine an opportunity to tease, and she is taking full advantage! )

Guess he has to be good at something. Why not being a total ass? Someone has to do it. [He chuckles.] Tell me about it. But apparently he's about to get his ass handed to him by the Originals so least I can get popcorn and have fun.

Have to be in the world we live in, don't you? Not that anyone seems to, you know, actually keep secrets but hey.

See, now you've gone and done it. You're a fan, aren't you? Of sparkling vampires? Really?

That's the problem: he's already got that down to a science.

( this is good news! ) Should I run down my list of 20 guesses as to what he could have possibly done to piss them off?

Technically, we're on the other side and that doesn't matter anymore. But it's a secret that's still safe with me.

( she laughs. ) Those books are good entertainment. I've lived a long time, but it never fails to make me laugh, how ridiculous the human imagination can be. It's great.

Yet he still thinks it's new and original. [So much grinning.] Do all twenty consist of be himself? Pretty much an hour game time and he's gotten punched by one of them.

Which would be funny but there's talk of sending me to a zombie survival game. Not as much fun as mocking others.

Apparently I don't get to stay that way. Like I said, handwaving and changing things. Who knows. Except likely zombies.

Oh God, you're Stephanie Meyer, aren't you?

Pretty much! It's the tried and true method he's been using for over a century.

( niiice! she hopes it hurt. B| ) Now those were things I'd thought were myth. You'd better keep a lid on your brain.

Oh, yes. Anything is possible out here. But like I said, watch out for yourself. Where is this place, exactly?

You wish! I'm hardly that creative. It's Alexia Branson. But call me Lexi. It's short and sweet.

You think he'd grow up, but then my idea of vampires and maturity isn't very high. No offense. Well, probably a little offense but still.

[Nose wrinkling, shaking his head.] Nope. Apparently real there. More than we are. It's like epidemic or Syndemic or something like that. We're make believe made real for world or something. Sounds like craziness to me.

[Even if the idea of not having the shift and the pain appealed more than it should.]

Besides, I'm a big boy. I bet I can take care of myself. Or make the hottest zombie ever. One or the other.

How appropriate. Is that my line? If not, I suck for getting wrong because it's true.

Name's Mason.

His development became stunted when he was a kid, I'm convinced of it. ( she smiles. ) Who ever said anyone ever really grows up? Men were still overgrown babies four hundred years ago.

Damon is just a particularly nasty case. And hey, at least we're used to crazy.

I don't think even you could make being a zombie attractive. I hate to break it to you.

( a laugh. ) Thanks.

Shame his height didn’t. Would make it easier to kick him when he’s down. [He gasped, trying to look stunned.] I’m insulted. I represent that remark, thank you. Minus the hundreds of years.

Used to crazy and wanting to avoid it at all costs… not the same thing.

[He sighed, looking glum] Heartbroken. I’m just… Come on. Rotting flesh is in this year.

Just kick him in the balls-twice! That gets the desired effect every time. Every time. ( 8D ) Maybe you need a thicker layer of fur.

No, it's not. But you do what you can. Complaining about life doesn't change how things are.

( she's been around long enough to know that. )

Are you the Perez Hilton of the supernatural realm, now? Your hair isn't pink enough.

Yeah. See... That isn't not a desired target for a guy. Too much sympathy. And don't go there. The fur levels have nothing to do with slights on the manhood. [So smiling though.]

I don't know. I think complaining to the mundanes might get us somewhere. If we're favored.

Again, could pull it off. Pink, not rotting.

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