SUDDENLY cape_kore APP

[worstpire]

... WHERE THE FUCK DID THAT COME FROM?!?

Do you think you could have warned me? I look away for five seconds and you're already signing my life away to that seaside death camp! That is sneaky!

I guess I have no choice, but you can bet I'm not going to like it there. Get ready to feel my misery in the deepest pits of your soul. If you have one.

Comments

[onteamdyson]

Wait! Let me make sure your new house is ready! Gotta evict all these dolls first.

[worstpire]

I want to believe that if I stop reacting, you'll stop terrorizing me.

[onteamdyson]

Believe it all you want, Connie! It doesn't make it even a little bit true. I torment out of love, obvi! You should see how I treat the others. Oh wait. You totally will.

[worstpire]

Maybe we won't even meet! Have you thought about that?

[onteamdyson]

... Connie, are you passive aggressively not-threatening to avoid me when you show up? Because that is a dick move. DICK MOVE, MAN! I was gonna get you a little bat sweater and put you up in that sweet house. You know I have a guy that yells at people for me now, right? Because I'll get him. I will so get him-- I probably won't get him. You're okay.

[worstpire]

Quit acting like we're friends. We are not friends, and I am not wearing your bat sweater or living in your stupid bat house.

[onteamdyson]

Ouch... every single one of my feelings. What, am I not good enough to be your friend? I see how it is.

[worstpire]

[ Hrrrhrhrhhg. ] I didn't say that.

[onteamdyson]

Oh. Okay, so you just don't want to be my friend. Thanks for clearing that up! Maybe you can hang out with Donna. She's a redhead! Go get her to make you little sweaters.

[worstpire]

Look, maybe the sweater thing was funny the first time. Was. Do you think I LIKE being a bat? Answer: No. I do not. It's uncomfortable and weird, and would be doubly so in a fucking sweater.

[onteamdyson]

[GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASP] But it would be SOOOOO COOL TO JUST BE ABLE TO-- ... why didn't you just say it was bugging you so bad in the first place? Jeeze.

[worstpire]

Are you serious. That is literally what I've been doing this entire time.

Ugh. Never mind. Never mind. Believe it or not, I'm more worried about this fucking blood situation.

[onteamdyson]

Psht. Just ask, dude. Use your words. I told you! People think it's cool. Work the sexy angle! Show some undead skin!

[worstpire]

I still don't believe you! If people thought vampires were cool, nobody would need stakes.

[onteamdyson]

Nobody does need stakes! You only see stakes in movies about vampires, and they make movies about vampires because vampires are COOL! Logic, Connie.

[worstpire]

Need I remind you that I was just getting shot at by a vampire hunter?!

[onteamdyson]

Want me to stand in front of you next time? Oh yeah, by the way...

Congratulaaaations. See you soon, Connie.

[worstpire]

You are the absolute worst.

... See you soon, I guess.

[rigging]

We are so getting you a birdhouse.

[worstpire]

[rigging]

No, but seriously, man. Y'need blood, I'm around. Always willing. Quit being a grumpy POS, or me n' Kenzi are gonna have t'be your PR people.

[worstpire]

I'm not biting you, if that's what you're really here for. Which, just for the record, is fucking creepy.

[rigging]

Uh, no. I got a boyfriend for that.

[worstpire]

Wh -- well -- good, because I'm only interested in your blood if it was taken out of you by a licensed physician.

[rigging]

... Man, you really got a stick wedged up there, don't you?

[worstpire]

Hey, just because I'm a vampire doesn't mean I have to be uncivilized. That's like... like chewing on a pig because you crave bacon. Ew.

[rigging]

Ew, that's not even the same thing at all. Blood's not even different, it's just in a bag! [ weirdo ] Besides, that's the whole vampire schtick. Unless you're like, Angel, and man, are you not.

[worstpire]

Maybe for cheesy 90's television vampires. I am not taking a bite out of someone, and that's all there fucking is to it.

[sharpiewielder]

Yeah... Muns'll do that.

Like, there's not even any like Wham, Bam, Thank-You-Ma'am to it! You just wake up and you've got someone telling you "Congratulations, it's you've finally reached that Weirdly Unspecific Adventuring Age, so go do that. Go. Have fun." and they shove you out of the house and into the wilderness armed with nothing but--

[Squint. He had a train of thought, he swears...] Sorry-- uh. What were we talking about?

[worstpire]

Ugh, it's not important. It looks like I'm just gonna have to sit back and take it, like everything else ever.

[sharpiewielder]

Hey, c'mon, Connie! Don't be like that... It might end up being fun!

[worstpire]

Okay, maybe getting out of that eternal limbo situation will be nice, but don't expect any letters home about how much fun I'm having.