He's off to a certain island...probably?

[hugeparasites]

Och no! You can't be taking this hair brained scheme of yours seriously! What am I to do on an island? No hills to roam, no dragons to chase, no  homeland to reclaim. It's boring! Completely and utterly boring!

[A young dwarf such as himself had only one thing in mind: Glory and adventure]

I don't particularly care for the act that seems so popular there either. That's for the begetting of heirs that is and nothing else! At least that's what Uncle Thorin told me that time I was flirting with those bar maids.

[Bosoms. He does rather like bosoms, but he prefers a nice thick beard to go with said bosoms]

And I don't need heirs yet. Won't need them for a long time. So what's the point?

Comments

[breakofday]

[Awww yiss. Obviously Thorin is doing parenting (uncle-ing?) right.]

An island where the intent is...sharing a bedroll? [And look! He found a delicate way to word this.]

[hugeparasites]

[At least until Kili finds out that contraceptives exist]

Yes, precisely. That seems to be the whole point of the place.

[breakofday]

[Not in his day, they didn't. To risk sounding like a grandpa.

He's totally thrown by the idea of such a place. And that his nephew is being sent there.]

I do not understand what you will gain from being there.

[hugeparasites]

[They're pretty normal where he's going, thank Durin]

Nothing of interest, I suppose. Perhaps experience....if I were ever to take a wife.

[Which is the last thing he wants right now. Wives are annoying, clingy, motherly things as far as he's concerned. He wants battles, adventure, glory - everything a young dwarf is entitled to]

[breakofday]

I did not think you had any interest in marrying. [Thorin's sure he's right, too, but he casts him an inquiring look all the same.]

[hugeparasites]

[His eyes go wide and his hands flail, not an unusual reaction to such a question]

No! I've no such plans. Not any time soon! Not even any time far off....

[Women are nice and all that but.....he has better things to be doing]

Uncle....I'll die if I don't....

[breakofday]

If you don't what? [Unamused!Thorin is unamused.]

Is your scribe forcing you into this?

[hugeparasites]

Sex.

[Och Uncle, don't make him say it! It's a very personal thing]

Yes she is. She thinks it will make for great fun...

[breakofday]

[...what...]

...You will die if you don't participate in it?

[Thorin would like to give Kili's scribe a piece of his mind.]

If it is so fun, tell her she can do it instead of you.

[hugeparasites]

The collar will tighten until it kills me, if I'm understanding everything correctly.

[He's touched that Thorin would defend him against his scribe so passionately]

She'd rather see me go through it.

[breakofday]

It is cruel to ask something like this of you.

[Since their father died, Thorin's been doing his best to fill the gap for his nephews. It's only natural that he should defend them.]

[hugeparasites]

Oh aye, I know it is. I think I'll go out of my mind sitting around an island with nothing to do 'cept that.

[breakofday]

Your sanity has always seemed a bit questionable to me. [A light tease, just to lift the mood.]

[hugeparasites]

Is not!

[He huffs, knowing full well the hair brained schemes he and his brother get caught up in. It's only because they're young and crave adventure, battle, and glory]

There are mostly humans there.....

[There's going to be an obvious size difference Kili will have to find some awkward way of overcoming. Pity his first maid]

[sonof_thrain]

A new place, Kili? Thank your scribe they did not send you to a land filled with dragons. [Bosoms and beards sounded good.]

.

[bearded_blingking]

Greetings there, young dwarf. Ill news among your scribe I see. I cannot understand what thoughts pass through their wretched excuse for a head at times.

Be careful around such persons, young one. What may your name be?

[hugeparasites]

[This one he's never seen before. He and Fili were born well after the destruction of their home land]

I'm Fili, nephew and heir of Thorin Oakenshield.

[bearded_blingking]

Nephew of Thorin, you say? Aye, a welcome sight you are, Fili. Thorin is my grandson, if you do not know already.

[hugeparasites]

Dis is my mother. Father perished just before I was born.

[Oh he knows Thorin]

Aye, Thorin's looked out for my brother and I for as long as I can remember.

[bearded_blingking]

Ill news indeed, young master dwarf. I trust he died with honour in his heart as every Durin has such honour.

Thorin is a good, honest grandson of mine. He values honour and loyalty above everything else. I love him for that.

Tell me, Kili. What of your brother? What be he called?

[hugeparasites]

My brother is called Fili. He's five years my elder.

[Not a very long time in the eyes of their kind, they were practically twins]

If Thorin is your grandson, then that makes you my honored great grandfather!

[bearded_blingking]

Fili and Kili. To sons of Durin. Thorin should be proud to have such loyal and strong nephews.

Aye, that be true. What weapon do you favour, Kili?

[hugeparasites]

Aye, Thorin named us his heirs. Kili first in line and myself second in line.

I favor the bow for long range and for short range I have a sword.

[bearded_blingking]

And strong heirs you will be.

I have yet to see your older brother. Perhaps the wind will change and I will get to meet him also.

The bow? A good archer, hm? Many dwarves shy away from using such weapons but I can see you have a good, strong eye. What the axe and sword cannot reach, the bow is sure to strike home.

[hugeparasites]

Perhaps. We tend to travel together, so I don't doubt you'll see him around here.

[He frowns slightly, knowing full well that his archery skills weren't exactly popular among his kind]

I've just always favored the bow. Thorin made sure we were trained in long range as well as short range weapons. He certainly didn't like my choice, not as much as he liked Fili choosing throwing knives.

[bearded_blingking]

That be a good choice. Thorin knows well. [He nodded.]

I am guessing you are a skilled ranger and hunter, Kili? Do you hunt game for your company? Seeing you in battle is also something I yearn to see. [No dying though. He doesn't want to loose anymore of his kin.]

You are a promising young dwarf, Kili.

[ophiovacca]

Oh, honey. You clearly either haven't tried it yet... or haven't been doing it the right way~

[yep, she's got gray skin, sharp fangs, and she's lookin' right at you, bro.]

[hugeparasites]

Och no, uncle would box me until my ears fell off if I tried something so unfitting of the Durin line.

[ophiovacca]

Unfitting...? How so?

[hugeparasites]

He doesn't want us having a bunch of bastards running around so far as I can guess.

[ophiovacca]

Ah...! That's right, you don't need a queen to reproduce, do you? It always slips my mind... it's such an ineffecient system.

[she smiles almost apologetically.]

I suppose that would be a problem, then, wouldn't it~?

[hugeparasites]

Aye, but not if you steer clear of the lasses.

[He slides a hand though the back of his hair]

[ophiovacca]

But the lasses can be so much fun~

[alittlelion]

I can see that you're as green as the spring's first grasses. You only dislike the act, because you'd never taken the chance to experiment. Worse than that, and I consider this an abominable sin, your family has lied you stray to the truth of sexual satisfaction. This special adventure is not only used to create heirs, although that is part of the act. It also takes you to a whole new land as you hit a peak of pure heavenly bliss.

Oh for shame, I should assume you're the sort of man whose never even reached within their smallcloths and fiddled. This island could do wonders for you.

[hugeparasites]

[ Well here's a smooth faced dwarf if he's ever seen one. Not that Kili was one to talk]

Uncle Thorin means well! But then again he keeps to himself. Doesn't so much as look at any of the maids, even though he could have his rightful pick as king.

[He runs a hand over the black whiskers sprouting on his chin, taking in Tyrion's words]

You have much experience in pleasures of the flesh then?

[Oh hey now! That last part struck a small nerve he didn't know he'd had]

I've done that. I rise in the morning hours like any other dwarf....

[alittlelion]

Much and more. I've had more women then I can count and know how to please them as well as receive the pleasure.

So, you've orgasmed then? Imagine that only ten times more powerful when ti's with a woman. The warmth of a woman's flesh is so much better than your own hand.

[hugeparasites]

[It was mind boggling how this man - dwarf - perhaps a hobbit - could go on and on about such matters. Sure, Kili had heard many a bawdy tale from his kin and he had laughed along with them, but he had no such tales or experience of his own. Not just yet]

Doesn't sound like much of a chore to me. Then again, I suppose I shall have to trade in my prowess in battle for prowess in bed.

[It's just]

There are mostly human women there, aye? There will be a bit of a size difference. Not to mention lack of a beard...

[Surely something Tyrion should be familiar with how to overcome]

hope you don't mind sir dickface of gisbourne....

[slyguy_ofgisbourne]

Bar maids, you say? Perhaps I have come to the right place.