TV Tropes and sickness lead to weird ideas.

[gunslingerguy]

Mun, you're runnin' a temper of 101 F and you haven't kept a thing down in a day, so I'll be as gentle about this as I can, but no.

I am not an elf from Middle Earth. My world is not the future of Middle Earth. If it was, we'd have to be literally a thousand years into their future. The government alone is proof of that, to say nothing of technology. This is a WMG that made no sense from the moment it appeared. My guess, folks meant it as a joke. But again, you're sick, so I'm just going to be blunt here:

Even if I'm a fantastic shot and blonde as bleached wheat, and even if the Wild Mass Guessing page thinks it's a riot, I'm not the son of this Legolas guy.

...no, I'm not talking to you about my actual family. I don't want to give any information out in case our enemies have an ear here. I can't put them in danger. You can headcanon whatever you want, but I'm not budging an inch on this. If worse comes to worse I can take a bullet and shoot a damn good shot. My family can't. [For a moment he looks downtrodden, but steels himself. If nothing else, his resolve is strong.] If I haven't broken by now, I'm not going to.

Besides, I'm not sure this Legolas guy would appreciate having a mixed elf-human son with a criminal record. Not exactly the kind of legacy most people want. [There's a note of self deprecation, genuine shame and amusement there.] Now step away from the WMG page, try and get something to stay down and get some more sleep. Ain't like I can go anywhere right now even if I wanted to.

Comments

Oh dear. Feeling better now? D8

[milliondollarpipes]

If it makes ya feel better, mine's been goin' a little crazy with that headcanonin' thing too. By the time they're all done, no one's gonna know what the hell's plausible and what ain't.

Kinda. Not great, but better.

[gunslingerguy]

I'd ask what your mun came up with, but I'm afraid it'll give mine ideas.

Well, that's good. Take care. :/

[milliondollarpipes]

Trust me, you don't wanna have two of 'em plottin' together. Never ends well.

...do they wear the same hat or is that the fever talking? *squints*

[gunslingerguy]

Oh, well, that sounds reassuring.

Similar. I think Jaeris's is a bit more rounded about the brim and crown...also, drink fluids!

[milliondollarpipes]

They feed offa each other. Kinda like havin' 90s Kid and that crazy pony friend of his in the same room.

...you're gonna have to trust me on that one, but it ain't pretty.

I'm drinking as we speak... that came out so wrong.

[gunslingerguy]

Crazy pony friend, [Jaeris repeats slowly and clearly.] ...I don't want to know. I just really want to get back home right about now. [He pinches the bridge of his nose, sighing.]

DRUNK TAGGING WOOOOOOOO \o/

[milliondollarpipes]

No. No, you really don't wanna know.

[Just talkin' about it is givin' him flashbacks. So...much...noise...]

Via the placebo effect, you CAN get drunk on water. /useless knowledge

[gunslingerguy]

I'm starting to get why you smoke. Maybe I need take up some kind of coping mechanism while I'm stuck in this universe.

I'm not sure that'll help with the fever thing... xDD

[milliondollarpipes]

Yeeeeah, I've been tryin' to cut back on that...

[He eyes the cigarette in his hand somewhat ruefully. His pipes are his livin'...but damned if the stress doesn't get to him sometimes.]

Never know unless you try.

[gunslingerguy]

Really? I don't think I've ever seen you without one.

[milliondollarpipes]

We ain't exactly been meetin' under the best of circumstances.

[Trust him. When you spend more than a few days locked in with anyone, much less 90s Kid and Linksano, you start to need a little stress relief.]

[gunslingerguy]

Even my mun can't recall many instances of you without it except for when you're singing. Why would a singer smoke, anyway? Isn't that an awful idea on every level for your profession? Granted, all I know about singing is my wife used to be in a choir, but still...

[milliondollarpipes]

Well, geez. I didn't even think of that.

[Do you know how many times he's heard that from every single person he knows? Most of all himself? Anyway, the only reason he picked up smokin' again, a few years back, was 'cause it made it easier to quit drinkin'. Yeeeeeah you're not hearin' about that, Ponytail.]

I am more amused than this stupid comment warrants.

[gunslingerguy]

Sorry. Jeez. [Jaeris holds up his hands, letting the point drop, but after a moment a genuine smile crosses his normally sullen features.] It's been a while since I've seen anyone smoke. Tobacco was a useless crop, so once the new regime took over, that was the end of that. I'd kind of forgotten what it smelled like. It's nice... You smell nice. Nostalgic, even.

xDDD

[milliondollarpipes]

[...isssss it just him or did this take a weird turn fast?]

Thanks. I guess.

I REGRET NOTHING.

[gunslingerguy]

[Blinkblink. He looks at him blankly. Jaeris' extensive time without human contact has left an impact on his social skills, it seems.]

...why are you looking at me like that?

[milliondollarpipes]

...don't worry about it.

[It would be way too awkward to try and explain what just happened. MOVING ON, RIGHT NOW]

Your mun feelin' any better?

[gunslingerguy]

She's still on chicken noodle soup and toast, but the fever and utter tiredness are gone. She's not 100%, but she's better than she was.

[milliondollarpipes]

Good, good.

[He lapses into a rather awkward silence; he's still a little weirded out by that last comment.]

[gunslingerguy]

No seriously, why are you looking at me like that? [Still oblivious.]

[milliondollarpipes]

[Fuck it.]

Okay, I dunno how things were in your universe, but you don't wanna go around tellin' people they smell nice here. It's creepy.

[gunslingerguy]

Compared to recycled air, toxic universes, the stench of misplaced magic and metal? You are an air freshener. That's not creepy, that's a fact. Tobacco is the least of all evils.

[WHAT ARE SOCIAL SKILLS.]

oh god I can't believe this conversation is taking place xD

[milliondollarpipes]

[Siiiiiiigh. He rubs at his forehead a little - this is gettin' to be like explainin' manners to 90s Kid.]

Lemme put this a different way. You keep talkin' to people like that and soon they're gonna be shippin' ya more ways than you can count.

Dear Lewis, if you're reading this: I'm both sorry and regret nothing.

[gunslingerguy]

Don't be ridiculous. I have a wife. Obviously that means there's only one way to ship me - with women. In a similar age bracket. Who don't mind the insanity of our canon. How many gals like that could there be out there?

[He's oblivious to the fact his mun is already shipping Harvey/Jaeris based on d_m posts alone.]

P.S. For my part, I will only apologize for Mecha, and that one time with the Ninja and Slenderman.

[milliondollarpipes]

...you really don't get the concept of shippin', do ya.

[His mun headcanons him as pretty much totally straight, is not really a huge shipper anyway, and yet still somehow keeps finding herself shipping him every which way. She blames him.]

[gunslingerguy]

It's romance. I'm not really romantically compatible with a lot of women. And I haven't tried dating since before things went ass over teakettle on my planet. I'm probably completely incapable of this whole lovey-dovey thing now.

[Jaeris and his wife will obviously be the number one ship in his mun's head forever, but damn it if he hasn't earned a sympathy make out with someone else given what he's been through. Feel free to volunteer, Harv.]

[milliondollarpipes]

It don't matter what makes sense to you. I've watched some of these kids ship people outside their own damn species.

[He'll probably try to shoot his mun first.]

[gunslingerguy]

Wait, you do realize technically I'm an alien since I'm from another universe, right? 'Outside the species' was already a given.

[milliondollarpipes]

[Blink. Blink.]

Huh. Didn't think of it like that.

[gunslingerguy]

On that note, that makes Linksano an alien... to you. And makes you and everyone around you an alien to me. [He smiles, but it lacks all mirth.] Alien in culture, customs and even continents. Even names aren't like back home. Alien is relative.