re: obnoxious coworker growing exponentially more obnoxious by the day

[bulletpoint]

Stop fantasising about it and just stab her in the neck already. Not saying you have to kill her, just -- [ points out a non-vital spot on his throat with two fingers ] -- right there. Send her a fucking memo.

Comments

[restate]

[ tilts her head, eyes on his neck. ] With the splatter of that wound, you'll want to stand behind her.

[bulletpoint]

And cover as wide an area as possible. This place is like living in a beige nightmare.

[restate]

It'll dry brown. Not much of an improvement.

[bulletpoint]

We'll just have to keep it fresh.

[jagerin]

Headbutting also sends a message, if a weapon's not handy.

[bulletpoint]

Any office supply's a weapon if you hold it right.

[jagerin]

[ who-oa, what's this guy doing in an office? ]

Most people don't know how to.

[bulletpoint]

[ HE'LL EAT PANCAKES ON HER GRAVE ]

Did you just come in here to insult me?

[jagerin]

[ FUCK THE FIRM HE WORKS FOR ]

I haven't insulted you. If you know how, show me.

[gone_mangy]

You could always leave her a present. Voles work well.

[bulletpoint]

Middle of winter here, but you're onto something. I prefer rats, though.

[gone_mangy]

Rats are good too. Especially the big scruffy Norwegians.

[regretzio]

[strum]

♪ I'm usually pro-stabbing, in terms of recourses
But instead please try talking to Human Resources ♪

oh regretzio. how i've always dreamed of being worthy of your songs.

[bulletpoint]

Wow. That was beautiful. Do you have merch?

[ftws]

wow. you have problems, bro. major problems. i don't think you're in the best position to give advice. [not that she'll give any or anything, but hey. option totes open. the doctor is in.]

[bulletpoint]

Who says she doesn't have major problems too? At least my opinion's informed.

[ftws]

yeah, informed with crazy. if she follows your advice, she's going to jail. [well, it's not as if following britta's advice wouldn't warrant any jail time either. but there's a greater chance she'll be placed on probation!]

[bulletpoint]

No, if she gets caught following my advice, she goes to jail.

[ftws]

pah-tay-toe, pah-ta-toe. not that i believe in capital punishment, but if i did, i would say something like i will wear my nicest clothes to her execution. [said clothes are ninety-nine percent hemp and were last seen littering the campus of greendale the previous year.]

[4touchdowns]

Why not just suggest she get married? More painful and damaging. And no prison. At least, not for your mun.

[bulletpoint]

Think ahead. What happens when she procreates and suddenly there's a dozen of the fat little fucks crawling through the cubicles?

[4touchdowns]

If there is one thing I know from my own personal experience that is Hell, is that once they marry, women don't work. At least, the ones you want to kill now, anyway.