dear_mun | (no subject)

Hm...You know, I don't think I ever considered that such a loss could be truly possible.

It's somewhat daunting.

Prothean. Insuanan. Dozens, hundreds of others, some so old that we do not even know their names. The Rachni, whom we destroyed ourselves. So much that has been lost.

If we can learn from them, from their failures, perhaps wecan avoid them.

[There's another one of those thoughtful pauses and he turns to look up at the sky (or whatever there is around here) for a bit. It's all quite complicated. Eventually-]

It must be hard to be a scholar, if one has to think of such troubling things often. I wonder, is it the fate of all things to war against one another until there's nothing left? Now I look back, I'm sure I once thought it so, but I just forgot.

[He gets a melancholic smile, still looking up.]

But then I recall why I forgot and it seems a strange notion to hold. No matter how far back the past reaches, the future extends further and who can say what will occur? I don't think fate can bind, not so long as there are those whose hearts can feel sadness for loss and joy in another's life. Things may repeat and an endless twilight may be what it seems, but it only has to change once, doesn't it?

[And about now is when he realises he's been waxing philosophically to someone he barely knows. He does that sometimes, and it embarrasses him again. So he rubs the back of his neck awkwardly, going a bit red.]

That's what I think anyway, hah-hah...

My people believe in peace, and harmony, but that doesn't mean we won't, or can't, fight. But it does mean we seek peaceful solutions. A compromise is likely to benefit everyone involved.

[She sighs.]

That's the fight we're all in, to one degree or another. And I know that it will change. I just...I hope my people survive long enough to see it happen.

[She holds a doctorate; talking abstracts with strangers is actually kind of comforting after everything she's been dealing with.]

So, I suppose I agree.

Mm. The phrase I've been using is that 'a good soldier wishes to be useless.' I'd rather have no enemies in the first place then see total victory.

No one else values peace like someone who's been in a war. It's something that never goes away.

Have you ever experienced it? Peace, I mean?

[Because he sure as hell hasn't. His first memory is the battlefield.]

[She nods.]

Yes. There was peace when I was younger. War has only come to us recently.

What's it like?

[And he doesn't really get why that might be hard to answer. It's easy to describe war, after all.]

At the time? Baffling, annoying, and frentic. I spent so much time focused on studying the past, trying to prove myself capable. And then Sovereign came, and we could see the war coming, but no one would listen.

No one was willing to even consider the danger we faced, and so I spent years trying to make ready what I could. And we were still not prepared when they finally arrived. Shepard had to destroy an entire system, to buy us time. A few months, and still they didn't listen.

And that is peace...

[He idly fiddles with the hem of his hood, looking down a bit.]

It sounds much the same as war.

It's not. At the time, when I had not seen war, I used the same words. Looking back now, I think it was almost sedate. Occasionally, I had something happen. I knew fighting before war came, wild animals, or pirates, but that was nothing compared to seeing Palaven. Or Thessia.

Goddess, how naive I was. I was a child, pretending I knew what I was doing. By the time we hit Ilos, and found the conduit, I thought I was a real veteran, fighting through the geth all over the presidium.

I was wrong.

I... don't understand entirely the meaning of your words. But I feel a weight upon my heart from the speaking of them regardless. I cannot say if I will ever truly understand.

[He stares at his hand for a moment.]

My very first memory is of the battlefield. I fought and fought, unable to even think until I had killed my thousandth foe and I was the lone survivor. Battle after battle, fight after fight, foe after foe, an endless and lifeless grey. I found awareness and still didn't find meaning. Someone else... Gave me colour, a reason to fight beyond my orders.

[Looking up at last, she can see a rather somber look.]

If roles were reversed, born with light and meaning and purpose to be thrust into the endless expanse of violence, I do not know I could stand it.

[And a little smile.]

It's a brave doctor who can be a soldier too.

It's hard, but there are good reasons to fight, now. We want those times back, we want our children to know peace, like we did. So we will fight, however bad it is, because the memory of better is worth it. Even when it looks like there's no good left, we fight to bring it back.

[She doesn't smile.]

I could fight, or I could run. My mother and I rarely saw eye-to-eye, but she taught me one thing-you can't run. I'm not a victim, and so I will fight because I can, until my people are lost, and then I will still fight to avenge them, until the Reapers are dead and gone.

[Listening to her, his smile gets more natural and he seems to relax a bit more. As he said, he doesn't entirely understand but he still feels something from it. A lot of the sentiment speaks to him and he finds it quite admirable. He doesn't admire many people. He basically tolerates most. It's official, he likes her.]

That's a conviction worthy of a warrior, even if I'd have liked it better if you'd had no need to form it. I wish I could offer more than well wishes towards your success, but I think that you'll not go wanting for fighting spirit, my friend.

[And normally he'd probably ruffle hair here but. Well. Maybe for the best not to even try.]

Just promise that should you be whole and well when all is done, you'll smile a little more.

Well, that's something that can be said about a lot of people.

[Most of them didn't claim a cabin on the Normandy because they were the Shadow Broker, mind, but Liara never was one to do things by half, anyway. And yeah, Asari aren't exactly ideal for hair-ruffling.]

I smile. Just not when I talk about war.

Then, let's not talk about war.

[And its about there he realises he has very little else to talk about. The strain to think of something is visible on his face for a second or so before-]

I have recently tried eating. Do you do that?

[The change of subject is welcome, however awkward. She waits on him, composing herself a bit, but even so, she's simply not ready for his question. Mostly because it was so...well. Unusual.]

You don't have to eat?

No. My stomach is vestigial. Most of my organs are, actually. I take it that means you do eat then?

[How he's supposed to know what blue women from space do? For all he know she's a plant.]

Ahh, yes. I do.

If your organs are mostly vestigial, how do you function? What is your source of energy if you don't eat?

Ah-I may not look much like it on the outside, but I'm more mechanical than organic. Or should I say more artificial than natural? Most of my mechanics are alive.

[He taps at the metal strips on his jawline, which are fused perfectly to his skin.]

I've a Reaction Generator somewhere in here that supplies my energy but I honestly don't know how it works...I, uh, did mention I'm just a soldier.

I've not seen such extentisive cybernetic modifications before. It is impressive, however, especially the level of self-awareness you seem to maintain.

[Because she is lying; she's seen a lot of people with such modifications, and they were just about all trying to kill her or the people around her.]

How did you get them?

I was constructed with them. I am a Doll, a mass produced cybernetic organism. Nameless Doll Knight, Sword Type, Dragon Slayer Model.

[He sweeps his cloak open in a quick bow, like it's an introduction.]

Originally at least. I'm something of an anomaly. I became self-aware by myself, which I'm told is impossible.

[She is silent for a moment.]

Once, a Quarian was asked, "Does this unit have a soul?" It started a war with a focus on genocide, and it took 300 years for the Quarians to make peace with their creations, the Geth. No one expected the Geth to become aware, but it happened anyway.

And we're all better off for it, eventually. We almost killed the Geth off more than once, but Shepard didn't think of them as machines...as dolls. She always considered them people, too. I don't see why you should be any different.

[She offers a slight smile.]

Hopefully, you are just the first.

Well, hah-hah, I'm not the only knight to have a soul... I am just the first to develop my own. I mean, I don't see what was so great about it...

[The knight has an odd mix of modesty and a big ego; although he takes compliments with modesty he considers things that are not praise to be so.]

I don't think there's any chance of conflict between myself and my creators, a lot of them think I'm a hero or some such, hah-hah... [His face is so super red now.] I don't really mind if I am a person, or a doll or even just a tool. All I want is to do is remain alive and belong to a purpose.

...But it might be nice to have some others I can talk to about it.