Homeless

[potionmaster]

Mundane,

I refuse. End of story. You will not throw me at the Potter boy again. You will NOT. I have made my wishes clear on this matter on many separate occasions and this is no different.

Harry Potter indeed. You make me sick.

Sincerely Not Yours,
S. Snape

Comments

[bloodredridinghood]

Your Mun wants to do WHAT with you and this boy?

[potionmaster]

Please do not ask the particulars as it is foul and distasteful. Furthermore, I will not allow it to happen.

[bloodredridinghood]

Woah now, first off I don't care about being tasteful here. I'm more of an open person, at least when compared to a super closed one like you. And second of all, I can totally handle whatever it is you tell me. I've heard worse. In fact, I've done worse. I've probably been worse!

And I'm not mad at you here, sir. Your mundane, on the other hand, might not get off lightly.

[potionmaster]

First of all, he's no longer a boy, I am not a pedophile. Secondly, she wishes me to seduce him, despite our long held hatred for one another. Nothing about it makes the slightest bit of sense, all things considered. It's madness!

My mundane should be made to scrub cauldrons with a toothbrush for the next year, minimum.

[bloodredridinghood]

[laughs in disbelief] That makes no sense whatsoever! That would only work if you were gay or crazy. Or maybe gay.

You ought to make your mundane scrub a cauldron with a toothbrush for thinking up shit like this!

Sorry, have a horrible AU in which Harry Potter was raised as Dick Grayson.

[dickandharry]

...I think I'm going to hurl.

hahaha awesome!

[potionmaster]

As would I, believe me.

Re: hahaha awesome!

[dickandharry]

It's bad enough to know you wanted to hit on my mom. This is just, eugh. There aren't any words in the English language to describe exactly how horrifying the mental images are.

[potionmaster]

I did not wish to hit on your mother! She was my best and only friend, that is all.

Don't you have a broom or something to fly on?

[dickandharry]

It's fourth year for me, so no brooms. Only extracurricular activity I have this year is mostly just trying not to die horribly.

[potionmaster]

In that case, stop worrying, you'll be fine, a hero. Again.

[No reason to tell him how it all ends horribly.]

[evy]

Throw you? That's awful violent of your writer, isn't it?

[And here is Evy, completely Not Getting It.]

[potionmaster]

Yes, throw me, as in make passes at the man despite his engagement to the Weasley chit. Seduce him! Now how in the hell is one supposed to do that to Harry Sodding Potter?!

Give me Lupin any day over the brat!

[evy]

Ah-- [...Well, that's not quite what she expected. But her surprise is quickly replaced with a huffy look.] Well, for heaven's sake, it was only a question. It's no reason to... to bellow at me like a raging rhinoceros! You ought to be ashamed of yourself! I think I feel more sorry for this other man, considering your barbaric behavior.

[potionmaster]

[And she gets an amused look in return.]

A raging rhinoceros? I have to admit that's new. Greasy git. Great bat. Utter bastard. Murderer even. Interesting.

[themanwholived]

....I..

Wait.

Like...

What?

[potionmaster]

[Facepalms]

Oh kill me now. I won't stop you.

[dickandharry]

[Here Harry, have an American-accented version of Fourth-year you.]

...I think I need the last 10 minutes Obliviated from my brain

[potionmaster]

Only if you obliviate me first!

[dickandharry]

...are you really sure you wanna give me permission to do that?

[Dick actually wouldn't take advantage of it, but still, that's not very bright Snape.]

[potionmaster]

Don't be ridiculous! Of course you don't have permission!